Guardian of Blue Fire: Part 1

-Her Perspective-

Warmth encircled me, held me like a mother holding her child on a cold night. I felt peaceful; my heart beat drumming softly in my head, my breathing even. My eyes fluttered open. There were small streams of daylight bleeding into the dimness of my room, casting playful shadows along the walls, telling me it was time to get up. I let out a soft yawn and tried to bury myself back into the comforting warmth when my bladder began to protest. Frown lines creased my face as my lips pulled back; a deep-chested growl of disapproval flowed through clenched teeth as my nerves roared to life, bringing the pain along with it. My body was awake, even if my mind still lingered on that high ledge of dreams. It was time to get up. Damn.

-His Perspective-

A soft tingle of energy trailed along my spine, causing every hair to bristle and stand on end. If I'd closed my eyes, I could've sworn it felt like small fingertips brushing along my flesh. Which told me she was awake. A small smile ghosted my lips as I hit the switch on the coffee pot and leaned back against the kitchen counter; arms held loosely across my chest. Small kitchen, barely enough room for my big ass let alone two people. Small living quarters, or what she corrected me as, 'her apartment'. I knew what it was, but I loved teasing her. Once provoked, she wouldn't back down, even under playful circumstances. A trait I'd always admired in a woman. It also made me wonder how she'd handle a potentially violent situation. Would she go in guns blazing? Or would she talk them into submission? Hmm. Guess I'll have to ask her sometime.

I waited patiently as she finished her morning ritual in the bathroom and felt my heart thunder just a fraction faster when I heard the door open, followed by the very briefest of sound; light footfalls you had to strain to hear if you knew what to listen for. I wonder if that was instinctive. She seemed unaware of how truly quiet she made herself when she moved, as if it were second nature. Most people would jump at her sudden appearance, but I knew better. I'd felt her long before she'd made herself known. Must be a predator thing. Always aware of your surroundings; kill or be killed mentality. The slightest sound could be the one thing that can either save or damn your soul. When you've been hunted for most of your existence, you become accustomed to it. There was always some one or some thing thinkin' it's bigger and badder then you on the food chain.

She'd never been where I've been, seen what I've seen. Didn't have to kill to survive. She'd lived a somewhat normal life on this rock she called home...and yet, she reacted to everything like it was a threat. Hypersensitive to everything around her. It was like looking into a mirror. What made her this way? Too many thoughts...too many questions. I've known her for years and she still had a way of surprising me.

-Her Perspective-

He was just leaning his large frame back against the kitchen counter, just right to the coffee pot; arms held in a loose fashion across his massive chest. Dressed in his usual attire; black tank tucked into a pair of dark gray cargos that seemed to be tucked into his black lace up boots. Dressed like a shadow. The thought would've made me smile if I wasn't half asleep. The only expressions I could make in that state of mind were not pleasant ones. At least, I didn't think so. I've never been accused of being a 'morning person'. 

Instead of my usual grunting or soft growling as a means of speech, I noticed the way he was watching me and felt myself tense with awareness. There was something behind those pitch black goggles covering his otherworldly gaze. An unseen energy that seemed to pour away from him and curl around me; probing, curious. I felt his power trail invisible fingers along my skin, searching for something...an opening. I felt something ball up like a clenched fist deep inside me as his energy continued to search my form... As soon as it found a crack in my walls, that strange electricity inside me exploded, meeting the invasion like a whip of lightening. It was suddenly very hard to breathe. I choked back a gasp when I felt a soft pop behind my ears, as if our energies had clashed like to two Titans meeting swords.

I had to grab the empty door frame to my right to keep myself steady because there was a slight tremble in my legs I didn't trust. What in the hell was That?! I think the question showed on my face because he was no longer leaning back against my kitchen counter, but was suddenly right in front of me. Like he'd just appeared out of thin air. I blinked and looked up into those haunting goggles, wondering how he'd moved that fast without me seeing it.

"Back up." My voice was a strangled whisper. So I swallowed and tried again, "back up, Riddick." It was firmer the second time, but still a tad breathy as if I just ran a marathon.

He didn't move. In fact, it seemed as though he were fighting something deep inside, the strain showing on his face when his jaws clenched in a stubborn line. It wasn't like him to push me. He knew better.

I wasn't angry, I was worried. He would've moved without a second thought, but to me, it almost seemed like he was trapped there, staring down at me. "Can you move?" I asked in a careful tone and felt a crease of concern furrow my brow as I searched the quiet lines of his face.

-His Perspective-

It felt like strings had pulled me forward and I had to use every ounce of willpower to stop myself, right there, before I could pin her up against the wall. My fists clenched, white knuckled with the strain to keep my hands at my sides and not let them do what they wanted. Every muscle, every tendon screamed with tension as I fought myself to stay exactly where I was. This was new. I'd never lost control of myself like this before. She had no idea how close I'd come to... No, I wouldn't even think it. Period.

The sound of her words, the concern there, brought part of me back from my internal struggle and let me reply, "Don't think it'd be wise." It wasn't even my voice; it was a deep-chested growl that didn't sound like it was formed with human vocal chords. What the hell was wrong with me?

I could see a shimmer of clarity in her eyes, as if she knew something I wasn't in on. Her features seemed to smooth out, growing calm, an expression I had perfected over the years. It was the look I'd get when I didn't want someone to see what was going on in my head... I didn't want them to read my emotions. Shit. She was shutting me out.

"I'm sorry." She suddenly murmured; a soft tone that was still unreadable as it danced through my ears. I couldn't see what she was thinking or feeling. She merely stood there, stubbornly unwilling to move out of harm's way, her gaze never leaving mine. "I think you triggered something."

I felt my brow furrow at that. "Me?" I shot at her, harsher than I'd meant to sound, and felt the tension in my body begin to slowly leak away. Always an improvement.

Unreadable eyes stared me straight in the face as she spoke, "your energy tried to frisk me and something inside me didn't like it." She explained in that empty tone and paused to take a calming breath, guess she wasn't as shut off as she seemed, "it reacted and I think whatever lives in you, thought it was a challenge."

Her words made me tense, but for another reason. She was right. Whatever darkness lives inside me, didn't like being told no. And as a result, almost made me... I swallowed a sudden lump from the back of my throat and hoped my voice wouldn't betray me. "Guess I need to keep a better leash on it then, huh?" I mused in a low thunder, sounding more in control, more like myself. 

Feral eyes searched my face, as if she didn't quite believe it was me talking. Couldn't blame her... Don't think she knew how close the darkness had come to getting its way.

And just like that, warmth filled her expression and her posture relaxed as if nothing happened. "Smells like the coffee's ready," she announced, tone once again that sultry purr I'd always loved. But just underneath I could sense a hesitation. As if there was now a part of her that didn't trust me anymore. It hurt to feel that, but I didn't show it.

"Then by all means," I rumbled and stepped back, out of her way, allowing her what little room there was to maneuver in that small kitchen of hers, "ladies first."

She nodded, a gentle smile curving the line of those full lips and proceeded past me. The act was impressive and would've fooled anyone...except for one tiny flaw. She'd made a point to avoid brushing against me. Such a small movement, but it hadn't gone unnoticed. 

-Her Perspective-

I shut down inside, buried whatever it was that awoke with a snarl and focused on getting some caffeine. I knew he was watching me, trying to read me and I was damned positive my avoiding physical contact hadn't gone unnoticed. But what hell was I supposed to say to him? 'Oh hey, ya know...that was kinda scary and I think I'd like you to stay the hell away from me for awhile'. Ya, not very nice. And it wasn't entirely his fault...I think. He didn't know he was doing it...right? That whole thing, whatever the fuck it was, was a challenge of power. I was gunna have to suss it out further before I could bring it up in conversation again.

For right now, focus on coffee and waking up. Later I could worry about it. At least...that's what I was hoping for.

-Fades to Black-

Guardian of Blue Fire

[No idea where this came from...but here it is! *chuckles* Seems my Muse has finally resurfaced...*smiles*]

*  *  *  *

Cool night air embraced an aching form as she sat within the stillness of her apartment. Haunted eyes remained unfocused as delicate hands danced gracefully along a black keyboard. The tapping of her long, talon like nails was amazingly quiet as the words continued to spill from her mind through those dancing fingers. The grace in which she moved, her stillness...captivated a watchful shadow hidden in the background. 

She seemed more relaxed; that trickle of familiar electricity she emanated trailed almost playfully along the entirety of his form, telling him she was finally given a break. She was in less pain than she had been. The thought seemed to loosen something deep within the confines of his powerful chest. Which also told him he could approach her without her energy attacking him. Something he'd learned a long time ago; never corner a wild animal. Especially when it's wounded.

There was a slight shift in the air, as if someone had opened a window somewhere deep within her apartment. But apart of her brain knew who that someone was... And before he could utter a single greeting as he approached, her lips began to move, allowing a sultry purr of a voice to fill the stillness.

"Hey, Big Guy." She said softly and kept her eyes forward as his large silhouette seemed to pour out of the darkness and filled the empty chair to her left in complete silence. It always brought a ghost of a smile to her lips at how much he reminded her of a large cat; powerful and graceful in his calculated movements, but there was also a ferocity held within his luminescent gaze. Knowing that when he appeared bored, or aloof; his face a portrait of secrets...she could feel that contained violence trickle ever so lightly along her spine, reminding her that at any given moment, even in his calm state, he could explode into a dark fury. It felt as though she were sitting next to a wild Tiger. Exotic and beautiful but also dangerous and unpredictable.

"Hey back." He thundered in that low, gravely tone she knew to be pleasant. "You seem better." He added and began memorizing the lines of her face, as he'd done a thousand times before, as if he were afraid that he'd never see her again. Old habits die hard.

She gave a slight nod and took a drink of the warm coffee swirling within her black thermos, enjoying the way it trailed a line of heat down her throat and into her stomach. "A bit, yes." She murmured in reply after setting the thermos back down to her left and was about to pull her hand away when she was stopped; a current of living electricity thrummed from his paw of a hand as it covered her own. She almost gasped at the sudden feeling of his life force streaming into her flesh. Instead, she brought wide eyes to his watchful gaze; orbs of blue fire glowing with a silent intensity within the black.

There was a pause as their eyes met. Speaking without words, as if the souls had their own language and were conversing on a level neither of them were even aware of.

He smiled; full lips curving at the edges, "glad to hear it." He growled finally, a genuine warmth shimmering within that blue fire gaze when he gave her hand the slightest squeeze and released it; letting his hand vanish from view.

He loved these moments with her, sitting within the quiet shadows, knowing she felt safe in his presence. Knowing that here, with her, he wasn't a Killer. A Monster. She made him feel like his life meant something, something good. Especially when she smiled. 

And this is why he loved her.

-Fades to Black-

Internal Damage Control

-Written through the eyes of the Alter Ego-

Shit keeps hittin' the fan. Everyday it's sumthin' new but still holds the same bitter taste; like the scent of rotting flesh, sickly sweet, sticking to the back of your throat, choking. It never seems any better than the last, so why keep going? Why even try when the world seems to have turned its back on you? Defiance has its uses... Keeps you alive when everyone around you is dead. Survival at its purist. I may not enjoy this pathetic excuse of a life I've been given, but it's the only life I got. Double-edged sword mentality; your fucked no matter which way you go about it. Instead of being afraid of that sharp bite of pain as the edge slices the flesh, I've gotten comfortable to its sting...and some days...I look forward to it. Slightly masochistic, sure. Beats the hell out of the alternative.

I can only imagine the reaction to my words... Onyx would be more careful in what she says, how she says'em... But that's why I'm here and she isn't. I've given her some time off, so-to-speak. She needs the break. I'm just pickin' up the slack until she's back to being her annoyingly cheerful self again. I ain't gunna knock her for how she is, after all, I wouldn't be here if she hadn't created me. *gives a sly and some what unsettling grin*

Like any good shadowed self, I was created to keep her sane. Those days when she felt the world cave in around her and she thought she might drown, I was there, keeping her breathing. The times when it was all just too fucking much to handle and she'd shut down, I'd step in and take the reigns. People saw the change, the empty look on her face with a strange cold fire shimmering behind her eyes. They didn't see her, they were lookin' at Me.

She's always been so gentle, so accepting. I swear this bitch could put a solar flare to shame with the ease in which she lights up a room with just the smallest of smile. She's full of so much warmth...it's almost nauseating. I on the other hand, (if you haven't caught on already) am her dark half. The quiet twin shadow living in silence within the darkest reaches of her mind. She gets to the edge of her sanity and I come rushing in to pull her back; force her into the protective tomb inside and gladly take the world on. Always did love a good challenge.

Might see some resemblance to a certain shined-eye bad ass within these words of mine. Not gunna lie, we do share quite a bit in common. Though, I'll admit...I am better looking. *smirks* 

And he's a royal pain in the ass. A Muse turned Guardian; his presence around our favorite little Wildcat can be felt by others from time to time. When one writes about a certain character, putting real emotion into it, it begins to gather energy from the source, it begins to grow a pulse...it becomes aware. The more Real it seems, the more Real it becomes. He can't do anything showy like manifest into being; but you'll know when he's suddenly in the room. You may not be able to See him, but those fine hairs on the back of your neck will rise to attention and leave a trail of goosebumps along your flesh. Seeing isn't always believing. Being able to Feel it; that's a whole new ball game.

When I'm called into play, you can feel the tension swell in the air between her 'Muse' and myself. Why? Well, let's see... I find him to be an egotistical, condescending asshole and he thinks I'm an insensitive, cold-hearted bitch. And that's on a Good day.

We avoid each other when we can.

So I suppose this is where I'll end it for the day. I think Onyx would be pleased that her darker self has decided to give a heads up on what future posts will be like. Less bright and cheery and more twisted and dark. Don't worry, she's just on a break. 

Gives us a chance to really get to know each other *smiles wickedly*.

I may even throw in a tale or two starring myself and that pig-headed Muse of hers. Trust me when I say that when he and I throw down, we throw down hard. It's definitely worth reading.

TTFN

Ashes

Tangled and restless, a streaming current of iridescence that weaves a secret melody into an all consuming black. Shattered are the words, unspoken and careless. Unheard as they fade and die from trembling lips. There’s nothing left. A distant shadow of a memory time seems to have forgotten.

Illusions of the heart lie to a wicked mind. An endless struggle of the self, to believe and to be strong; that which breaks us only makes us become cold. An abyssal darkness, complete in its emptiness, spirals into an eternity deep within. Will these feelings never cease?

The hunger sweeps a skeletal hand gingerly along the cracked flesh. As the talons trail ever so carefully along the dry surface, the gray skin begins to quiver and fall away. Becoming nothing more than shadows and dust.

This tomb, a well disguised cage for the wild trapped within… Is slowly but surely, beginning to fade. Like the dreams held within an innocent’s vibrant eyes, over time, begins to burn. Edges tattered, unwanted. A loss time can never heal.

I watch as the ashes fall from these pale hands. I stare, fascinated, as my dreams dissolve into the nothing I have created. I can feel the movement behind my eyes, the tremble beneath my skin. An awakening of a thing that has no name. I can feel its hot breath on the back of my neck, the thunder of its steady heartbeat drumming behind my ears.

I sense the closeness of it, as if it’s not a piece of me…but apart of me. A living creature made of painful yesterdays. A reminder of what’s become of me. Nothing more than a Whisper…in a Crowd of Screams.

-Anon-

Watchful Shadows

Hidden within this blanketing darkness, I feel safe. Nothing can touch me here as music swells gently into my ears, while a flame flickers playfully to my left within the depths of a white candle. It’s calm here within my sanctuary…everything seems so still. If only that were the truth held secret within these eyes.

The sting of the aged scotch still pulses down my throat, a soft heat of the poison I’d just ingested moments ago. I stare at the amber colored end of my cigarette; a mini torch within the surrounding shadows. It fascinates me as Adele’s haunting voice sways through my ears like living honey. Seeping into the broken crevices of an over active mind; ever churning, restless…leaving me trapped within this self inflicted tomb of flesh and bone. I want to be free of this constant thrum of pain swelling like a playful tide along my hyper sensitive nerve endings. This condition I hold no responsibility for. Genetics are such a wonderful weapon for a creator’s twisted sense of humor.

She’s one of the stronger ones, let's see how much she’ll take before she snaps.

I’ve carried so many hidden burdens for so long now I haven’t the slightest idea how many years I’ve been holding them in. I just pick up the broken pieces, stick them back in place and pray, that I have the strength to face the next moment without anyone noticing how bad it’s really become. And in truth, it’s pretty bad. But I don’t let you see it because I don’t share the pain. These are My burdens and Mine Alone. But I will tell you this; I am becoming weary of this crushing weight…

This disease of the skin, this horrible burning ache tearing at my body…it’s starting to take it’s toll on me. And it’s permanent. Treatable, but not escapable.

Why I’m writing this out…why I’m allowing you in… I’m tired of keeping it in. I’m afraid that in my silence, I’ve inadvertently distanced myself from those I care about. Please know that my silence is only because of this agony, and when it takes hold of me like it has, I’m too weak from fighting the pain itself to do or say anything creative or productive. In fact, as I’ve noticed, pain this constant can change a person… Emotionally I’m a mess, not gunna lie. It’ll pass as it always does and I will once again be able to let the creativity out.

I come off genuinely positive, which is in no way false, it’s how I am. I’d rather focus on a smile and the joy and warmth it brings others than let you see what this pain has made of me. There’s enough negativity in the world without me adding to it. *shrugs* It’s just how I am. Besides, this darkness welling up inside me is quite frankly, disturbing. And ya’ll know that’s allot for me to say.

So I’ve been focusing on positive outlets; the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter Series, for example. Not only does it give me a pleasant distraction with all the blood, gore and fighting my twisted little heart desires, but it also gives me Ideas. You could say Laurel K. Hamilton is quite the inspiration. I own a great many of this particular series and I’ve been feverishly re-reading them again. I’m currently half way through Lunatic Café. Which is the Fourth installment in the series. That’s four books in barely a week and a half. I’ve been a very hungry reader. Hell, I finished Circus of the Damned in a Single Day. My back didn’t appreciate the strain, but my mind thanked me for it. Not sure if I’ll finish this one all in one sitting, but we’ll see how long the Scotch stays in my system before I have to give in and retreat to my bedroom.

I haven’t forgotten you, any of you, I’ve just been buried within a silence that keeps me relatively sane when I feel as though I might break from the strain I’m under. I am writing, but it’s a hard process. Forcing it isn’t helping at all. *sighs with a soft growl* Nothin’ like suffering a small bit of depression due to stress, grieving and a god damned skin condition that’s flared up sumthin’ fierce. *smirks* Again, it won’t last forever. This too will pass. It always does.

I’m still here; just a shadow watching from within the black.

*hugs’n’vanishes*

Awakening

They whisper, so sweetly... Like playful melodies streaming away from the delicate lines of a record as it spins. These thoughts, so many it seems, drift and flow behind my eyes with no rhyme or reason as to where they'll end up. Like glowing fireflies floating off into the black.

I've been suffering strange dreams again. Intensely real dreams that even when I wake, won't stop playing behind my eyes as if I wasn't meant to leave. And they've been incredibly pleasant, which is a nice change from suffering nightmares almost every time my head hit the pillow for the last few weeks.

I felt safe there and loved. It was a place I had escaped to and it was so real... The people were real... It was a whole other place; another life I remembered as mine. The only stress there was getting a shower in time before I had to get dressed for an event I was attending with friends. I was given peace, even if it was in dreams.

And a part of me wishes I was still there...and that I hadn't finally pulled myself awake. As soon as my heart fluttered with a stronger beat, forcing me to take deeper intakes of air, I knew I couldn't go back.

So I have these wild visions in my head of where I've been, the people I was close to and the places we went and the times we shared. It feels real... And who knows, maybe it is. Maybe sometimes our dreams are truly another place where we can be free. At least, I'd like to think so...*smiles*

Anyhoo, I'm feelin' a bit better then I did a few days ago. Got some pain out due to breaking down even when I'd fought to stop it. Crying did help, it was necessary to heal these rampant emotions. But it doesn't change the fact that I, myself, hate crying. It's messy and you get all swollen and it just makes me feel weak... Probably explains why I don't let myself cry when I need to, at least partially. The other reason is I just...don't. I am literally the only dry face in the house at a funeral. It's weird...I go into this calm state of mind and it leaves little expression on my face. I've been told I look intense and cold, but that's just the surface. Underneath, I'm being torn apart with emotion. That's with Humans. If it's a Furry loved one; I lose it. Weird, huh?

Wow my thoughts are all over the place tonight lol.

On a positive note, I am trying to get my creative edge back. I am actively pushing myself to get through the emotional block that's seemed to put itself in my way. Gotta love these human emotions...gettin' all up in muh biz-ness! *laughs and shakes her head* Why Yes, Ladles and Jellyspoons, I Are a Dork! *grins*

I even created something in good old fashioned paint last night. (points below)

Nifty, huh? I like it...I've never done anything like it before and was surprised at myself for really needing to finish it. Almost as if I were possessed by some unseen force... And ya know what? I'm glad I made it. *smiles warmly*

On that note muh lovelies, I'm gunna scamper off, have me s'more coffee and get to finishing something that I started not too long ago that when I finally get to posting...ya'll will really enjoy.

Well...if you like Riddick, Mercs, Aliens and Predators...*grins*

Now I bid thee anon...*gets slightly distracted* Oh look at that, Supernatural is on... Mmm I do love me some Winchesters...

*giggles*

Adieu!