Internal Damage Control

-Written through the eyes of the Alter Ego-

Shit keeps hittin' the fan. Everyday it's sumthin' new but still holds the same bitter taste; like the scent of rotting flesh, sickly sweet, sticking to the back of your throat, choking. It never seems any better than the last, so why keep going? Why even try when the world seems to have turned its back on you? Defiance has its uses... Keeps you alive when everyone around you is dead. Survival at its purist. I may not enjoy this pathetic excuse of a life I've been given, but it's the only life I got. Double-edged sword mentality; your fucked no matter which way you go about it. Instead of being afraid of that sharp bite of pain as the edge slices the flesh, I've gotten comfortable to its sting...and some days...I look forward to it. Slightly masochistic, sure. Beats the hell out of the alternative.

I can only imagine the reaction to my words... Onyx would be more careful in what she says, how she says'em... But that's why I'm here and she isn't. I've given her some time off, so-to-speak. She needs the break. I'm just pickin' up the slack until she's back to being her annoyingly cheerful self again. I ain't gunna knock her for how she is, after all, I wouldn't be here if she hadn't created me. *gives a sly and some what unsettling grin*

Like any good shadowed self, I was created to keep her sane. Those days when she felt the world cave in around her and she thought she might drown, I was there, keeping her breathing. The times when it was all just too fucking much to handle and she'd shut down, I'd step in and take the reigns. People saw the change, the empty look on her face with a strange cold fire shimmering behind her eyes. They didn't see her, they were lookin' at Me.

She's always been so gentle, so accepting. I swear this bitch could put a solar flare to shame with the ease in which she lights up a room with just the smallest of smile. She's full of so much warmth...it's almost nauseating. I on the other hand, (if you haven't caught on already) am her dark half. The quiet twin shadow living in silence within the darkest reaches of her mind. She gets to the edge of her sanity and I come rushing in to pull her back; force her into the protective tomb inside and gladly take the world on. Always did love a good challenge.

Might see some resemblance to a certain shined-eye bad ass within these words of mine. Not gunna lie, we do share quite a bit in common. Though, I'll admit...I am better looking. *smirks* 

And he's a royal pain in the ass. A Muse turned Guardian; his presence around our favorite little Wildcat can be felt by others from time to time. When one writes about a certain character, putting real emotion into it, it begins to gather energy from the source, it begins to grow a pulse...it becomes aware. The more Real it seems, the more Real it becomes. He can't do anything showy like manifest into being; but you'll know when he's suddenly in the room. You may not be able to See him, but those fine hairs on the back of your neck will rise to attention and leave a trail of goosebumps along your flesh. Seeing isn't always believing. Being able to Feel it; that's a whole new ball game.

When I'm called into play, you can feel the tension swell in the air between her 'Muse' and myself. Why? Well, let's see... I find him to be an egotistical, condescending asshole and he thinks I'm an insensitive, cold-hearted bitch. And that's on a Good day.

We avoid each other when we can.

So I suppose this is where I'll end it for the day. I think Onyx would be pleased that her darker self has decided to give a heads up on what future posts will be like. Less bright and cheery and more twisted and dark. Don't worry, she's just on a break. 

Gives us a chance to really get to know each other *smiles wickedly*.

I may even throw in a tale or two starring myself and that pig-headed Muse of hers. Trust me when I say that when he and I throw down, we throw down hard. It's definitely worth reading.

TTFN