Within the Sound of Silence

She walked in anger; heavy boots leaving a trail of heat in her wake along the cracked pavement. She was done with the pathetic sacks that swarmed her at the bar in that shit hole of a planetoid. The same deal every time she went in, didn't matter that her attire screamed contained violence. Black turtle neck, dark blue jeans, black combat boots and her favorite old black duster. She wasn't anyone's 'sweetheart' or 'shuga'. She swore the next sonuvabitch that tried to lay a hand on her was gunna taste dirt for a week.

She had made good on that promise...too bad the knuckles of her right hand were gunna hurt for the next day or so. Oh well, hittin' that piece of shit had been well worth the bruise.

As she echoed the promise of death on her lithe footsteps down the winding path, she felt an unease slither through her bones. Some thing was out there in the inky black of the colony... An intelligent glare shimmering like deadly starlight with every move she made.

She was being hunted.

"Fuck this...I'm Not in the mood." She snarled under her breath, hands having disappeared into the deep pockets of her coat, covering the twin six inch blades she clutched in a white knuckled grip. If this bastard wanted a piece of her, it was gunna die trying.

The itch at the back of her neck only intensified as she got to her front door. Whatever was trailing her hadn't made a move...not yet. Quickly, she slipped inside and locked the many deadbolts that lined the heavy door frame. It was allot, sure...but a girl can never be too careful. Not in a 'verse set on ghostin' you the first chance it got. Better to be safe then, well...dead.

Hours passed like the trickling of rain; pattering gently along the walls of her mind, keeping her on edge...waiting for the moment shit royally hit the fan.

But soon exhaustion set in...whatever had been tracking her, hadn't made a move to attack. If it was one of those mooks from the bar, they'd have tried a go at her the first chance they got. They weren't the brightest asshats in the 'verse. Whatever this was, wasn't human. Why? Human's are sloppy. Period. They always slip up. No...this, whatever This was...was smart, real smart.

There was something else too... There was somethin' about this that felt...familiar somehow. Like a voice in a dream you just can't place...

After fighting herself, she lost the battle and ended up collapsed in pair of dark gray loose pants and a large black shirt against the cool sheets of her mattress. Hoping, that sleep would wash the uneasiness away.

If only she'd known how Wrong she was...

*  *  *

Darkness enveloped her sleeping form as a silent shadow emerged from the night itself. Two orbs of burning silver blue light trailed the curves of her body, memorizing every line, taking in the very sight of a creature he'd thought he'd lost so long ago. It been too long since he'd seen her, too long having tasted her scent on the back of his tongue when he breathed her in.

My god, she was beautiful.

It was painfully obvious how much had changed...everything about her screamed a warning, a defense against any who would dare get too close. The sense of unease, as though even in her sleep, her body thrummed with heightened awareness. He knew how he had to play this out. Nice and easy. He recognized that energy that pulsed in waves from her still form; a primitive alertness against anything that threatened to prey on her in such a vulnerable state.

It struck something deep within his being, witnessing this new behavior with a Hawk’s eye clarity. She was more like an animal now… In fact, she was frighteningly more like Him.

Not exactly what he was expecting.

Encased in shadow, he stood within the silence. Watching her even breathing, the rise and fall of her chest… Instinctively knowing that not everything is ever what it seems. Knowing she wasn’t peaceful, that if he made even the slightest sound, she’d be on her feet and ready to kill within the span of a heartbeat.

How did this happen? The short time they’d spent together couldn’t have created this new creature that feigned innocence just a few feet away. Had his brief influence in her life all those years ago…been so great? No. This wasn’t something you Chose to become. This was something inside you, buried deep beneath layers of domesticated Humanity. A genetic trait generally dormant within the masses strewn out across the universe. How didn’t he sense this before? Perhaps it had awakened during his long absence. What had triggered it? What horrors had she encountered in those long nine years without him there to protect her?

The answers would come in time…

First thing’s first, approaching her without incident. Would she remember him? Was she so far gone now…so detached from her gentle nature that she’d try to protect herself at all costs? The time for weighing his options was over. The innocence he'd loved about her, appeared to be nothing more then a faded image within the layers of anger she wore like a defiant shield.

For a moment he was conflicted, torn as to whether he should go through with this…until a faint energy danced through his heightened senses. There, hidden within the sound of silence… He could feel it, like a soft ember glowing defiantly within the black. Which meant there may be hope after all...

…and there was only one way to find out.

A deep rumble lifted into the darkness like living thunder when he took a silent breath and growled, "Hold your breath."

-End Part One-

Monster Induced Musings

Cool fall air dances gently through the open blinds... The gentle scent of Autumn, crisp Ocean Air and hidden secrets only October can bring. It puts my sore body at ease as my ravenous mind slows down from its tireless churning.

I have but a few hours before I remove myself from this spot, make myself presentable and go to work. After last night's momentary snap in sanity; the violent windstorm of destructive energy turned into a creative outlet as I finally made a crack in my internal cage. The overwhelming pressure that had steadily built up, was allowed some release...which in turn, has allowed the many wounds of this year to begin to stitch themselves back together.

I feel better on this beautiful, mid-October day. The world seems brighter somehow, even through the haunting overcast skies...there's a peaceful energy thrumming through these veins, a feeling of hope I haven't truly experienced in many months. In shorter terms, the scent of Change fills me...telling me good things, wonderful things are about to unfold before me. Maybe not all right away, but with patience...I will see it.

And Not just for myself, but for everyone. Strangely, last night (Or early morning, you could say) in allowing myself to show but a glimpse of my internal struggles...I had given the chance for others to connect, being able to express their own troubles...and in doing so, not only was I able to help them feel better, knowing that I'd been there, and caused a smile or two...made Me Feel Better. Funny how that works.

To be completely honest, I don't enjoy nor feel right about sharing my emotional misfortunes with the masses. I do however, find great comfort in being able to Listen and then Share my experiences so they know They, themselves are not alone. That is, for me, the only time I feel it's okay for me to open up and share. It's a Selfless reason.

I believe the reason for my emotional silence, is due to being the Open ear for others. And sadly, there are some, who abuse that privilege. No longer are we connecting and relating, so there can be a change and possible resolution, I'm just there to be their Emotional Punching Bad. Pouring this horrific Poison down my throat, which of course I become upset over, and afterward am told thanks...and they're just fine...where I'm left shaken and sick, unable to purge the venom swirling through my system. Venting is one thing, and I am completely fine with that. But when someone directs all their negativity on me, purposefully making Me upset because they want to 'Share The Pain' and then when I become upset, I'm suddenly told I shouldn't be... You see how unhealthy that is. It wears me down...and I almost got to a point where I didn't want anything to do with them anymore. That's Harmful, not Helpful.

I'm also like a man (and some women) in that regard; you come to me with a problem, I'll try to help you find a way to fix it. If you just want to Vent, by all means...but inform me first. However, constantly dumping your destructive filth on me so You Fell Better? Completely Unacceptable.

Sadly...you can't explain that to some people...because they didn't know they were doing this to begin with and become incredibly hurt and you're made to feel like the Villain.

*sighs'n'chuckles*

Well my luvlies, I must bid thee anon... There is a Monster energy drink to finish and a shower to be had ;)

-Adieu

...I Bow to No Man...

Broken is the mind, like rotted flesh, that dangles and flings itself to an unforgiving earth. Tasting secrets along the whispering wind; gentle as it caresses the senses.

Fleeting are these things; emotions and thoughts tangled within a web of confusion. Can you feel me or am I fading?

Where is that glow that led me from the black? There's tragedy in the air...dancing at the very edge of my mind...warning me on wordless whispers...

It's Coming...

*  *  *

They all stared at the broken thing lying on the cold concrete; crimson pooling around a lifeless body. Small streams of fading heat drifted in small twisting vapors toward an endless night filled with stars. No one knew the weight that had pressed too hard, crushing the last of the spirit that struggled to remain. No one was able to fix the shattered pieces; torn strings and battered wings...lost inside a sea of unseeing dreams. Hollow are the remains of a special thing...having become nothing more than an insignificant blip in a tirelessly brutal existence.

*  *  *

Words, weaving through the endless labyrinth behind these tired eyes... So much to speak, but no sound flows from these silent lips. There's a horrible knot forming deep within my chest, an agonizing scream welling in the back of my throat, only to be choked back down as I clench my teeth. I won't allow its freedom. I will not break...not yet.

Not yet...

So many miles to go...so little time. Gotta pull the knife out of my back and turn the tables. I will not be a Victim. If this life thinks it's gunna just take me out, it's got another thing commin'.

A deep voice echoes these words through my mind like a mantra...

"I Bow to No Man."

It brings a ghost of smile to my lips...as I'm once against swallowed by the Black.

-Anon-

Through Furyan Eyes

So many times I've tried to type these words...and every time I stop myself, irritated with my lack of creativity and erase everything I've written. I feel suffocated and fear, that I am indeed on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Generally I can suck it up and push forward, forcing down these unwanted emotions and keep moving. But somehow, the emotions have spilled forth, having transformed into living abominations; hooking their gnarled claws into my legs, stopping me from trying to continue on my journey. Persistent little bastards.

I try to allow the creativity to flow...and I find that it flickers out; fading from my eyes and I'm left with a blanket of shadows to keep me company in my frustrated silence.

I want to tear this disgusting weakness from my chest and burn it; watching as the ashes of who I once was be taken away by the wind, never to be seen again.

*growls softly*

I apologize for my silence; finding solace within the confines of my internal cage. I've tried taking on the weight of the world; outside influences burying me within their selfish debris. I struggle to release myself, but have found that it only pulls more down on-top of my beaten body and my soul wails for a salvation...that will never come. I am the only Knight in this fucked fairy tale. I don't believe in being the helpless damsel in distress. I'm distressed alright, but there ain't nuthin' helpless about me. I've been buried before, I've dug myself out...so what makes this different?

Hmm...probably more then I'm used to being weighed down by. Or mayhaps it's merely taken Years for all the pressure to finally get to me. Whatever the case...I haven't been myself.

Being the mischievous social ball of energy that I am, many may have noticed I haven't quite been myself, especially on the ever popular Facebook (or 'Facedesk' as I lovingly call it). My posts seem less personal... Not as many updates on how I'm feeling... My notes having been greatly neglected. To be perfectly honest, I think I've been sinking into an abyss... At first, I didn't want to post about my troubles, not wanting to worry anyone. That progressed to me stopping myself from sharing music I was listening to, fearing that it would provoke the wrong response or others would be able to see a theme I didn't want them to see. This continued until I became so edited that I stopped posting even joyous thoughts. Such as me applying at a Halloween Store. Why not share that? Simple...I didn't think it was all that important. I had become so internally withdrawn that it took a great deal of effort to actually say that I had landed a job.

It's painfully apparent that this shows symptoms of depression. Withdrawing from speaking, anti-social behavior, loss of interest in the things I enjoy, inability to stay focused, trouble sleeping, nightmares, outstanding stretches of irritability and over-sensitivity to the point of rage. Distancing myself from loved ones and finding difficulty in staying positive when the world seems to continuously throw shit in my direction. So why talk about it? 

It's taking me a great deal of focus to get this all out. I've just been in a very dark place emotionally, and I didn't want that to leak out onto those I love. I just figured, 'I got this... Besides, there are others that need my help, my bullshit can be sussed out later'. Heh...guess that ain't the case.

I felt sumthin' snap not too long ago, figured it would heal like it always does and I'd be fine, ready to soldier on. Ya...whole lotta good that did.

I've just been dealing with a great deal of crap. Not just mundane everyday BS, I'm talkin' full-on, 'someone's havin' a god-damned catastrophe and I gotta be their emotional bucket they can spew into'.

*sighs*

I sound bitter, huh? *smirks darkly* Don't mean to be... I'm just done with it. I'm tired of listening to the constant badgering that's become nothing but a sea of crackling white noise, threatening to completely drown the broken strands of my sanity. I'm tired of attacking myself for being worthless. I am Not worthless. So I butched up and did what I set on doing. And guess what? First objective achieved. 

I'm different this time around... I guess grieving will do that to you. The 1 year anniversary of my Nuna's (Grandmother) passing was on the 11th of this month, and though I'm still scarred from that, I had more then six other deaths weighing on my mind so I've been a little...off. And that's only a small part in the chaos of insanity that's been pouring down on me like acid rain.

I don't really speak about these things because I honestly don't want sympathy. Everyone has things they're worried about, so what makes me special? So I keep it to myself... Allowing it to fester like a wound that just won't heal. Sadly, the wound's become infected and the poison has been traveling to my brain. A dark sickness that's made me feel hollow.

I'm getting better as things begin to fall into place after I've been fighting for them. I'm just becoming exhausted...and yet, I can't afford it. I'm far from done... It's incredibly frustrating.

So again, I apologize for not updating like I should. Everyone has their dark days...mine just happened to be a fuckin' black out. 

Heh...all I need is some shined eyes and a shiv and I really would be Riddick...

*chuckles* And on that note...due to my brain being so scattered, I must bid thee anon. Though I have a feeling this writing thing, might actually begin to pick up as I begin to drag myself up again.

-Adieu