...Words Like Silent Raindrops Fell...

Something inside me knew this would happen... The strange feelings I've been getting, the sense that a shadow was lingering nearby, patient, silent... I knew this would happen. Almost to the day. I even said a few months back, when Dad was doing really bad, that if things kept heading downhill like they were, he would be gone by the end of Faire. I even saw a date in my head that kept pulsing in my thoughts like an unwanted beacon within the darkness... May, it whispered in a haunting voice that fell from no human lips. I even sensed something about the time frame, between the 11th and 18th. Now, I keep thinking of the number 15 and I don't know why. God make me wrong... For once, let my intuition be wrong. Just once...

*takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly*

I just got home maybe 30 or so minutes ago after spending most of the day with Dad. One of my dearest friends whom we call Little Lauren, followed me all the way from Altadena to Loma Linda where my big Brother and his Wife were waiting for us. Glenn warned me Dad didn't look too good...and I could hear it in his voice, even over the phone as we began walking toward the building, something was very wrong. And what's even stranger, is the more upset I became (though contained) this Wind had started to gust around us, starting from Altadena and followed us all the way to Loma Linda where I've never felt it be so windy. This, is not an uncommon anomaly when I'm incredibly upset. People have literally experienced the wind suddenly start blowing when everything was calm just minutes before. This has happened since I was a little girl. Strange, but I'm not the only one who's witnessed this. 

*shrugs*

We walked in through the back entrance near the E.R. because the Main Lobby was closed. I didn't realise they did that for Mother's Day, so we did a bit more walking than I had expected. Not all that big of a deal because mentally, I wasn't all there. I was on autopilot. Hoping that when I walked into Dad's room I could get him to wake up.

That was not the case. When I tried, he wasn't there... It was as though he was in a partial coma... I knew he could hear me, I could feel that he knew we were there. 

For hours we sat there, watching as he laid there and breathed... Hours. At one point we all walked out to the parking lot for a break and we were able to spend a little time with the Geese. I was able to call my large White Chinese Swan Goose who I've nicknamed 'Gus' to us. I called out to him as he was way across from us in the pond where someone had bread and was feeding the other Geese. But as soon as he realised it was me, he turned and started calling out to me while paddling his way to me in the most adorable fashion.

I got to introduce him to little Lauren and had him follow me over to my Brother and his Michelle and even got him to eat from their hands and he let them pet and touch him. Goofy ass bird. I love him.

*grows a small smile, but it hardly reaches her tired eyes*

After spending much needed time with my feathered friends, we went back in...Dad was still unresponsive. Though, we were told by a wonderful nurse named Linda, that he actually said the words 'Leave me alone' to her when she wanted to change his gown. We were pleasantly surprised to hear this. So Glenn suggested I try to talk to him and see if he'd wake up. The interesting thing, is I told Dad Glenn and I were there and we weren't going to leave anytime soon. That we were gunna spend time with him even though he was sleeping. I even gently touched his shoulder, and he didn't jerk away like before. Instead, he visibly relaxed and even took a deep breath (almost like relief) and I could feel his energy shift. I'm glad he heard me and could hear Glenn's voice.

What it comes down to... Is that there is a small chance he can wake up. But his body is so tired... They want us to be prepared. It could be at anytime...a waiting game basically.

It's incredibly hard to be writing these words... Knowing that the time has come and it's up to him whether he's able to wake up, or if it's time to cross over.

I'm selfish. I don't want to let go yet. I want him with me. But it's not up to me. If it's his time, then I'll accept it. That's just the way things are.

*smirks darkly and shakes her head* And here I was worried about money, or the lack thereof I should say, along with Bills and trying to get by day to day. Stupid every day shit that's nowhere near as important as my father's well being.

*lets out a shaky breath and keeps herself as calm as possible*

Huh...this is the first time I've ever Not gone to Faire while working there. I've never missed a day. I feel so... I can't even explain what I'm feeling.

My chest hurts.

-Anon-