I R a Disgruntled Zombuh...

I stare, unfocused at the rich, dark liquid in my small Halloween themed mug... My brain still dancing with fading images of another place, a world that exists beyond the veil of dreams... A place I find myself missing every time I'm brought back to consciousness. Another home I still see, in fleeting glimpses every time I close my heavy eyes while my brain fights to steady itself. 

The coffee helps, even if it's instant, it's still warm and still gives me my morning caffeine. I'll definitely need a stronger cup after I finish this first one, seeing as I've woken to a Beautiful gloomy morning only the Ocean brings. It's a wonderful Marine Layer dancing across the heavens, blocking out most of the harsh morning rays and allowing a cool sea breeze to trail invisible fingers along my overheated flesh. 

*grows a small smile and takes a hefty drink of the dark liquid*

This past weekend at Faire was a Very Good one. It was Pirate Weekend, one Many people look forward to each season. Patron and Participant alike. I felt at home in my Swashbuckling Garb while interacting with many beloved Scallywags I've come to call Family over the years. Many entertaining shenanigans ensued, especially during the Joust. I had such a great time with my Audiences on both days, being a complete dork and making so many people laugh hysterically during the 'calm portions' of the Joust, while we all waited for things to kick up into gear. 

I was pleasantly surprised and greatly humbled after each Day, when Audience members would come up to me and tell me that I was the Highlight of the entire show. That I was more entertaining than the Joust itself lol That, was incredibly humbling to hear. It's very touching to know that I made so many people laugh and have a genuinely good time ^_^

It's funny to think that I was so nervous the very first day at the beginning of Faire, not really sure how to get everyone excited and amped up for the show... But now I just walk over, wave and start by saying something silly, get a couple of giggles and go from there. I've learned to relax and have realized all I have to do, is be my goofy self and people generally respond really well to that. The running Joke with the Rousers is that all they have to do is just let me loose on the public LOL

*chuckles, takes another drink of her coffee and shakes her head*

Also got some pretty awesome pictures taken. At one point there was a Huge Pirate Gathering on Saturday, by the Joust and we all filled up one of the sections for pictures. It was amazing. I can't wait to see how those pictures look ^_^

Sunday however, though amazing itself, had a bittersweet ending. We had a memorial service for those we've lost, held in the FOF Garden. It was a beautiful Service, and though I and Many others tried to keep it together, the tears spilled from our stinging eyes, dashing down our cheeks and we were helpless to stop it. Especially seeing Lory's beautiful face, Smiling brightly from her picture on the Memorial wall... 

*takes a calming breath and chugs the rest of her cup of instant coffee* 

Also hearing Her Name being called, Along with Becky and Erick and a few others we'd all come to know and love... It was touching but heart breaking. But we were all with Family, and though there was tears, we all managed to be there for each other. And is yet another reason why, I Love Faire so very much. It's my Second Home.

*grows a small smile* And Now...another cup of instant-coffee goodness is needed.

I think, for now... I shall run off and try to wake myself up s'more and eventually get ready for work, which thankfully I don't have to leave for until 1:40pm. Yay... *zombuh flail* lol 

-Adieu

BrainMeats of Squishy DOOM!!

Shadows twist and sway, a gentle rhythm unseen yet felt as night slowly bleeds off into a waking day. It's early, very early as I force myself to break away from my Zombie like state and gain my motor functions back. 

I have an early job this morning, hence my being up at this ungodly hour of doom. But not to fret! For I am ingesting delicious amounts of caffeine goodness... As well as a small cup of chocolatey doom known as 'Coco Pebbles' *grins* 

I do plan to run a few errands after work, mainly get some money from ATM O Doom, stop by starshmucks for a regular cup of joe and make my way to the GoodWill to see what kind of treasures I can find for Faire. Especially Piratey/Gypsy-ish type shtuffs ;) I might even stop by Ross and take a gander at what they might have. I enjoy bargain shopping, especially at Thrift Stores. So what if it was originally owned by someone. They took the time to wear it/own it in the first place, and decided not to throw it away, sending it somewhere that might happen to go to someone who will make good use of it. 

Sure, New Clothes or Brand new shinies are nice, but sometimes waay too over priced. And most of the time, I find more things that fit my personality at a second hand store. More of a selection. And I enjoy getting more for less ;)

(Can you tell I've grown up slightly nomadic? lol)

I guess it goes along with having grown up living off of what I had, and only buying what I really needed. Splurging wasn't something I was taught, nor something I'm comfortable doing even when I have money. If I can get something I like, that can be useful without spending that much money, groovy. I've also learned that not everything that's expensive is good quality. I've had more issues buying expensive items (tearing or breaking fairly quickly) compared to something that cost less, but ended up lasting for Years.

Man, talk about a random tangent. *chuckles'n'sips her coffee O Doom*

I do really look forward to this weekend. T'wil be most awesomeness ^_^ I get to dress up as my Natural Piratey Self, and even bought some new makeup to add to the look ;) Now that's something I haven't done in quite awhile... 

Hell, I haven't really worn any either. I guess I just figured why go through the routine and slathering stuff on my face everyday if I don't need to? Besides, my skin tends to be Very sensitive, so it's a good thing that I don't. I pretty much wait for a good time to put my (what my Dad loves to call), 'War Paint' on for special occasions. So I'm definitely going all out for this weekend :D I was even thinking of taking the time to create a realistic facial tattoo as well. Just have to figure out where I'm going to put it lol

Well muh luvlies, it's 5:23am and I need to get my butt in gear to start my day. Woo... So friggin' excited... O.o

*grins*

-Adieu

Praise the Almighty Cheese!!!

I have Survived!! O.o 

*small flail of Muppet Goodness whilst taking sip of her Monster O Doom* 

Talk about insanity at it's best. *chuckles'n'shakes her head* 

So this is the crazyness of this Past weekend in a Nutshell...

Friday was Kid's Day... I was under the impression it would be about 500 Kids or so, being brought by Bus o Doom to Faire for the day. Heh...ya, I wish. It was actually Over 8,500 Kids. 

Try and wrap your squishy brainmeats around that Number for a second. 

8,500 Hormonally Challenged Spawnlings. That's Eight Thousand Five Hundred. And we didn't have barely Half of our usual Participants working the Faire. 

We were Surrounded O.O

But thankfully, the Teeny-Boppers were actually pretty good. Nuthin' too crazy happened. And it was from 8am til 3pm. I think the Most Exhausting part about that day, was every one of us who Did Volunteer to Entertain the Spawnlings, all of us, had to Edit ourselves. Usually we can be a bunch of Cheeky Munkees, but in front of the Kids, we had to basically be 'Disney Friendly'...

So on Saturday, Everyone cut loose and we were All thankful for the outlet lol

And after Kid's Day of Doom, Saturday and Sunday was our First 'Time Traveler' Weekend. Man... It was a Blast! We had a bunch of epic Steam Punk, Several Doctor Who, even a few wandering Tardis (those made me giggle) and the best of all?

Two Storm Troopers, with Capes, Came to our Joust...and Supported our Evil Knight. So I had an absolute Field Day Welcoming Patrons as they came to sit in my section announcing proudly, "Welcome to the Dark Side! We Have Storm Troopers!" and they'd look at me confuzzled to which I would add, "No, seriously, they're just across the way." and I'd point them out lol

Having them there, and having such an Awesome Audience, we All had a total blast. Even our small Band/Minstrels/Orchestra that surrounds the Queen during the joust, started playing Star Wars when the Knights began to Joust. It. Was. EPIC!

On the way back from Joust, The Rabble Rousers (Myself included) Personally Escorted the Two Storm Troopers through Faire so they could rest and get hydrated at the FOF Garden. I took lead, and used my Staff to basically Ward people off so we could get them there without them being constantly stopped for Pictures (They really needed to cool off). And now I can Honestly say, I've Guarded Storm Troopers to Safety LOL

*giggles'n'snorts*

Oh and I happened to run across a well put together Jack Sparrow on Saturday... Of course, I did the appropriate thing by sauntering up to him, and went in to Full Jack Sparrow Character. I think his brain shorted out for a few seconds, because a Woman, Not Dressed as a Pirate, just walked up to him, opened her mouth and suddenly Morphed into a Female Johnny Depp XD

It was hysterical. He tried to keep up, and I commend him for the effort, but apparently from what the other Rabble Rousers Witnessed, I completely out Sparrowed him LOL

And let me just say... I cannot Wait for Next Weekend. Pirate Weekend, April 27th-28th, I will be in True Onyx Attire. And I plan to Fully Ham it up ^_^ I do hope I run across more Jack Sparrows... I love to see their reaction at my Spot on Impression :P

*chuckles'n'shakes her head*

Alright, it is now 1:34pm and I have to start gettin' ready for work. It's not too long of a day, nice and groovy, which I definitely appreciate lol

So I will bid muh luvlies anon and hopefully have more to ramble on about later when muh brain is functioning a little better :P

*waves*

-Adieu

DOOOOM! N'shtuff ^_^

I stand within the flames, a broken lanyard of memories strewn out before me... Calling out in a faded whisper, a lost echo swallowed by the fates... Remember the past, both Tragic and Beautiful... Remember our names, so that when you speak them, a smile will stain your lips.

These gentle words, bittersweet as they weave a path of warmth through the mind, reminding me of the love shared by those I've bid farewell along this winding road through life.

Soft footsteps echo behind me as my bare feet step carefully against the earth. Wandering without pause toward the future with a sense of wonder... Not truly knowing what lies ahead, but knowing instinctively, that whatever comes my way... Will be amazing.

*  *  *

Yay for poetic goodness whilst half asleep. *chuckles and drinks down the rest of her instant coffee o doom*

You ever have one of those moments, when you have something in mind...and attempt to do said thing of doom, and find that due to an event out of your control, you're left sitting there going... 'Well crap.'..?

I'm definitely suffering from that, hell...have been for the past few days. Friggin' hormones. *grumbles and sighs* It's irritating to say the least... Especially when it feels as though some Thing is crawling through Every Inch of your Veins and you Swear that at any moment your flesh is about to explode in all directions only to reveal a beast in its place...its soaked fur appearing black, as warm streams of crimson drips from its growling form...

Helluva'n image, huh? *grins* Ah, coffee time! *thriller shuffles toward kitchen o doom* SUCCESS!! *returns with cup of Deliciousness*

Me, a dork? Never! *giggles'n'sips instant caffeine of doom* Alright, so what was I rambling on about? Ah yes... The evil body of doom making me feel like a shape-shifter stuck in Neutral *chuckles at the image*

*grumbles'n'sighs as a razor like stab of pain slices through the pelvic bone* It feels less like 'cramps' and more like Freddy Krueger is attempting to Redecorate the walls of my Uterus. *lets out a strangled laugh*

Slightly twisted when I'm suffering the Preview of Mother Nature's so-called, 'Gift'. I see it more as the Fates Practical Joke. *shrugs'n'smirks*

Usually I can deal with Pre-period doomage... But this isn't just normal 'moodswings' and 'light bloating' this feels like I'm about to give Birth to a Pterodactyl... LOL

Look at the silly Xeno-Walks Of DOOOM!!

And on that note of silliness... I'm going to sip on this here coffee goodness and find other things to distract myself with. Weeeee...

-Adieu

Kill It!! Kill It With FIRE!!

Jagged shards of broken glass course a painful path through the delicate weavings of my internal being. I can feel each sharpened piece cut and slice, tearing at the swelling flesh, leaving trails of fire wherever they go.

I want to reach in and pull them out, regardless of how those jagged pieces may bury themselves into the palm of my hands.

This horrendous battle so deep within, is a battle I must wage with my body every moon cycle. I hate the pain it inflicts, the tsunami of chaotic energy that crashes through my emotions, making me feel fragile and weak. The ravenous hunger that overwhelms me, putting me on a dangerous edge of unhinged aggression.

I swear that if one could actually physically Shape-Shift, I'd be turning into a Hellish Beast every month.

*smirks and sips her yummy black chai spice o doom*

Gotta love internal workings that I have no control over. And no, I Refuse to put Birth Control Pills into my body, for that is the very reason a Rare Skin Disorder, that was Dormant, woke up when I was 14'n'a half years old. Taking that Man Made concoction, did More Harm than Good. And it's something I can Never be rid of.

Ya...I'm in a lovely state of mind... *smirks* Can't really help it, it's the Pre-Period O Doom symptoms. So I shall rename PMS/PMDD with the more Epic sounding PPOD ^_^ *giggles'n'shakes her head*

...it's the Only way to be sure...

Ya, that's exactly how I feel about my Uterus starting its Monthly Self-Destruct Sequence. *chuckles*

What sucks, is that I've been fighting to get my Voice back from damn near losing it completely due to Faire Shenanigans, and almost started getting sick... So I spent 40 Cashey Moneys on Vitamins, Honey, Tea and shtuff, so I could fight the bug off before it mutated and turned me into a Plague Victim. And now that I can feel the Bug getting its ass kicked, the Hormonal Cycle of Doom starts kicking in... Sending pulsing waves of Agony through my nerve-endings, reminding me that I am indeed a woman with working parts.

*face plants into the desk with a Thwap* 

Ya...and it's just getting worse, every day... So I wouldn't be surprised if the damned thing Crash Landed by Friday. And on that wondrous day o doom, I'm doing Kids Day for Faire. Plus, the normal Sat-Sun routine of doom.

Weeee... *twitch*

But eh, it is what it is. I also have work this evening, so I've just gotta buck up and keep going. Not much else I can do about it. Besides, why wallow in the things you can't change, when you can focus on the positive?

*winks*

And on that note... I shall continue muh zombuh goodness and try to ignore my body's internal melt down ^_^

-Adieu

Hark! Shenanigans Doth Approach!

*chuckles'n'sips instant coffee o doom*

Man... Talk about having a long week and even Crazier Weekend at Faire. Faire itself, actually went by too quickly to be honest (compared to the week o doom I encountered) but that's okay :P I even got a new hat of Doom :D Which was by Total Accident and I am Still, Incredibly Grateful for the most awesome Faire Present Of Doom ^_^ I completely Blame Luke (fellow Rabble Rouser) because we were all sitting in the FOF Garden after First Joust, and I was being my naturally Spaztic self...and decided to steal his Hat for a second (totally his fault for taking it off and setting it down in front of me in the first place :P) And apparently it looked Really Good On Me... So much so, that I was then Dragged away by Chris, with Luke along side, to get the very Same Hat.

I'm still in shock... But it is the coolest Hat Ever! :D *chuckles and gulps down the rest of her instant coffee o doom*

And it's been Years since my Voice has been this damaged *chuckles* It's really raspy and not because I was shouting either. I was projecting (like ya do) but add that to being exhausted and Faire Dirt flying around... Not good for the vocal chords o doom. But you know what? Getting my Crowds to yell Epically Hilarious Things...totally worth it. XD

Nothing beats hearing your section Roar 'Black and White' (Their Knight's Colors) so loud your ears threaten to start ringing or yesterday, having them randomly cheer, 'Knight Of DOOOOOOM!' I actually lost it and started snorting XD Even had a Giggle fest with the some of the patrons due to the 'Faces' I was making in their general direction. *giggles'n'sips coffee*

You'd also think, considering the fact that my schedule for work today doesn't start until 3pm, that I should be sleeping right now... I actually Passed Out last night around 9:45pm due to being so exhausted. I set my alarm for at least 9:30am, but guess when I naturally woke up? 7:15am...and figured, "Eh, need coffee anyway." lol

Whoever made this and posted it... Deserves a Hug of Doom! XD

And gotta love the Female Hormones O Doom starting to kick in whilst at Faire... Not only giving me 2'n'a half extra inches All Over of water weight *shudders* (Ya, hurts when you're Squeezed into your usually comfortable Bodice) but it also made me Very sensitive emotionally. Usually, if someone makes an off-handed comment, I can just shrug it off (especially at Faire). However... As embarrassing as this is for me to admit, there was a moment on Saturday that someone made a rather... Unneeded comment toward me about my 'Lack' of 'Chest Size'.

Here is why I was actually taken aback by said comment... It was by a Participant (Someone Working Faire), Not a Patron (Those who pay to enjoy the day). And all I did, was stop him for a moment to Compliment the beautiful Feathers on his hat. He was very snarky about it...and though I continued being in character (also confused as to why he would say something like that) I was in mid compliment about his hat when he saw a female participant walk by, holding two tankards (with obviously more cleavage then myself) and cut me off by announcing something about her 'Jugs' and just walked off.

It pains me to say that as his words danced in my head, his general attitude and rude behavior toward me when it was completely uncalled for... I got very quiet. I was fighting myself to Not think about it, but every time I glanced down to make sure I didn't trip over my skirt, seeing the proof hidden within my bodice, made my stomach twist into knots and caused my ribcage to tighten. The Hormones of doom seriously Did Not Help either. They Always make me more...ick I hate saying this...'Fragile' in a sense, especially when words are used toward me in a hurtful manner. I was angry with myself for reacting the way that I was, so I tried to logically analyze it (which only did more harm than good) trying to see if perhaps I had misunderstood him and perhaps I was over-reacting. But even as I walked through the crowds and a few moments of silly banter with others... As soon as I got into the FOF Garden and went to use one of their awesome (and clean) Privs... Once I stopped, and was alone... I kinda... (Hormones are a bitch)...felt my chest ache which caused my vision to blur as tears began free-falling from my eyes. I tried to suck it up, but ended up choking back my sobs, hoping no one would hear me.

No, that was definitely NOT my proudest moment... Especially when I tried to shut off, finished paying homage to the mighty Privvy Gods and reemerged. I knew it showed on my face and was trying to play it off, hoping no one would look too closely. Well, when you're at Faire around people who Know You like Family, it definitely didn't go unnoticed. I tried to say I was fine, but it came off harsh...and I inwardly cursed myself for my voice betraying me.

But honestly... Having Family check on me, actually caused me to let it out... Releasing the poison, and I truly did feel better. I still feel Incredibly Angry with Myself for getting upset in the first place, and the whole 'eyeball leaking thing' in public... But as rare as it is, it does happen, and a part of me is thankful that it happened in a place where I knew I was safe.

And yes, not having a full bust, has Always been my Biggest insecurity. Especially after gaining and losing so much weight. I've been doing push-ups and upper body exercises to try to 'perk them up' by getting my pectorals developed again, but once you've lost breast tissue, you can't do much about it that doesn't involve drastic surgery.

It took a few hours to get it out of my system because I kept wondering if it was a misunderstanding... But when I looked at it from a different perspective, I realized he was a blatant dick. And because of the Wonderful Love and Support of my Faire Family, I was able to get past it, bitch-slapped my insecurity and enjoyed the rest of the night. I think having a few shots of Jack Daniels before bed helped me with that too :P

So when we had to do it all over again on Sunday, I was definitely in a better frame of mind :D

I Love my Faire Family... If it wasn't for them, that negative moment could've pushed me down the rabbit hole and I would've become so focused on my insecurity that I would Not have wanted to go back, for fear of more hurtful commentary on my appearance.

Ya, it sucks that someone who Works Faire would say that to someone for no other reason than to be an asshole. But ya know what? He's just not worth the energy. Period. And I definitely look forward to next weekend :D

And on that note... I need to ingest this second cup of instant deliciousness o doom... And continue my ascent into being coharant-ish O.o

*chuckles'n'waves*

-Adieu

*grumbles incoherently*

The body aches...as a deep growl traps itself in the back of the throat. Exhausted is a term used loosely to describe the level of consciousness I'm currently at. *lets out a growling sigh and takes a drink of coffee* Disgruntled Wildcat would be a better term... Especially for the way I'm feeling right now.

It's not due to Nightmares, my dreams were more or less pleasant. Mayhaps it has to do with being nonstop this week; never truly giving myself a day to recoup. Which wouldn't be so bad if I were accustomed to running around like a chicken with its head cut off...

Or perhaps I just didn't get Enough sleep? *quirks a brow* Eh... I guess this is just a morning where the 'grump' in me is present and just wants to go back to bed.

I'm allowed at least one morning of 'Garfield' like tendencies :P

Cuteness...it hurts XD

I look forward to Pirate Weekend at Faire... Or 'Swashbuckling Weekend' on April 27th and 28th. I get to dress up as my Crazy Piratey Self :D And apparently we're having a Steam Punk Weekend on the 20th and 21st. Not sure how I'll pull that off, but being an Avid fan of Treasure Planet, I think I can come up with something ;)

*takes another drink of her instant coffee o doom, feeling less disgruntled*

In other random news... I drove down to the Cliffs yesterday because it was the perfect weather and time to do it. And while I was there, I got an incredible shot of the Ocean that doesn't need to be retouched on my computer. I'll have to post it later to show everyone the prettiness ^_^

While I was there, I chased a Lady Bug, had a conversation with a Crow (he had allot to say), said hello to one my favorite trees and ran into something rare...

As I neared my Beast, Ellie, I realized there was a White Dove in the tree to my Right, just above my car. Not only was I brought aback by this... (Huge White Doves are NOT Common around here) I decided to get it on film as I neared Ellie and when I stopped for a moment to put my bag on her hood, I suddenly realized there was a Second White Dove, literally two feet away from me at the base of the tree. Now That's Incredibly Rare. So I have both on Film... Two Birds that are Not supposed to be in my area, that seemed to pay me no mind at all.

They only decided to fly off together when I opened my driver's side door, ready to get inside...and guess which tree they landed on? My favorite in the whole park, which was only two trees to my right. And they landed on a branch together, Facing me. 

The last time I saw a Dove at the cliffs by Random, was back in 2007, around the same time I was working at Faire.

Tell me that doesn't strike you as a little...odd...

O.o

Ya, I got nuthin' either lol

*giggles*

And on that magical note... I shall bid muh lovelies anon!

*waves*

-Adieu

Ask and Ye Shall Receive!

So the Universe has a Sense of Humor...

Not only did I Macgyver my way around my computer and found my 'Lost' (more like 'Forgotton) password for my email O doom... I also found other important documents in my room. 

Seriously random, in the sense that I exclaimed the other day that I had No Idea where certain documents went...and just a few minutes ago, they literally appeared in front of me in the most unlikely place.

Thank the Great Bubbles in the sky that I've taken on the whole, 'Just stay calm and roll with it' attitude, otherwise I would've been an anxiety-filled mess right now XD

Especially after last night and than early this morning... Feeling as though I was continuously slamming my forehead against an invisible brick wall. When all I had to do, was take a step back and instead of looking at the wall as a whole, I decided to scrutinize every brick until I found a break in the pattern. 

Not only did I find it, but I think a few of those Bricks dropped on my head *giggles'n'snorts*

So Huzzah! Whoot! and YAY!

 

See how Happy this Ferret is? I ish dis happy ^_^

Three for the Price of One ^_^ Had to share my exciting moment of doom... Cuz, it was all awesome and happy and junk :P

Today is definitely turning out pretty awesome :D

*waves happily and bounces off*

-Adieu

Yay Coffee!!!

Within these scattered moments, thoughts and dreams dance ever so gently back and forth behind tired eyes, pondering the reasons for their being, the symbols from within...a meaning trapped on the smirking lips of my silent guardian of sleep.

I reach over with a shaky hand; small fingers curl along the smooth edge of my coffee cup as warmth pulses gently into the flesh. Carefully, I bring the cup to my lips and take a slow drink, enjoying the way the heat pools in my mouth and trickles down my throat. The ritual for the newly risen, when body and mind are emerging slowly from its nightly stasis.

Cool air presses through the cracks in the blinds and whispers playfully around my tired form, caressing invisible fingertips along the hot skin around my eyes, bringing me comfort as my body over heats; the coffee causing my internal engines to roar to life.

And as I struggle to break away from that zombie like state, I find my lips curving ever so slightly in a quiet smile... Knowing that it's only the beginning of a beautiful day.

*chuckles and drinks down the remainder of Instant coffee o doom from her cup so she can make another*

This makes me giggle XD

Got a busy week, but it'll just make the days go by faster until Faire this weekend. My voice is slowly but surely coming back, which is a plus (though some would beg to differ :P lol) *chuckles and takes another sip of her new instant coffee o doom*

Having a bit of an issue with my email account... Hotmail has now transitioned to Outlook and all I wanted to do was revamp my Password and guess what happened? It not only kicked me out of my account, but I had to send into a weird request questionnaire thing that will take up to 24 hours for them to decide whether or not they'll give me access... Uh, anyone else think that's kinda...crappy? *sighs* I've had this email account for I don't know how many years now... *lets out a growling sigh and shakes her head* I'm not gunna panic over it, especially since there's really nothing I can do but wait.

Now to distract everyone with random cuteness!

Replace 'Wernter' with 'COFFEE' and you've got me :P *giggle*

Yes, Ladles and Jellyspoons, I are a dork ^_^ *lets out a soft laugh and shakes her head*

Wow, it's currently 9:32am and I still feel like a zombuh...O.o Thankfully I don't have to work til later on in the day, which gives me more than enough time to fully wake up (though I have a sneaking suspicion the Hamster in my head is in a coma o.O) and allow myself to relax a little.

Yay for being a zombuh! *mini flail O doom*

Alright muh lovelies, I shall bid thee anon and continue ingesting muh instant-caffeine goodness so I can attempt to function later on in the day. Whoot? 

O.o

*giggle*

-Adieu

I Live!!!

Sweet Mother of Chicken I am TIRED!!

*mini flail*

First weekend of Faire was...Epic!! I was pretty nervous on Saturday, especially being thrown in front of a bunch of strangers for the First Joust (whom I had to get cheering for their Knight) but when the Second Joust rolled around (The Joust to the Death) I'd finally relaxed and got my section to Cheer like crazy. It definitely also helped to have my sister Julie (A faire Virgin) come to my section and be my 'Plant' for the last Joust. So not only did she experience our Faire for the first time, she got to be a semi-rouser too! She did an awesome job!

It was also nerve wracking because I was in new garb, that is in no way Pirate and definitely hadn't made it mine just yet. (It was definitely a change because I've been Pirate for as long as I can remember) but I realized... It's not the Garb... It was me. So when I finally felt like myself again, I had a Blast! And come Sunday... First and Second Joust was Awesome! Since I'd listened to my fellow Rousers and stopped picking nervously at myself, and got in front of all those strangers...

I finally stepped into the part and not only had the crowd going, but had a group come back for the Second Joust and it got even crazier XD Thanks to the Bunneh and Sierra for being my next set of Plants (Seriously, you are muh Faire-Angels!), they helped me get the crowd going and we had one of the Loudest sections in the arena :D I even had them Roaring 'Black and White' so loud that I'm sure you could've heard it throughout Faire XD

Oh! And How I LOVE My Puritans! They decided to Pop in on Both days at the Second Jousts and helped me feel more at ease, and got the crowd giggling.

It was just... Insane! And I had so much fun, that I now sound as if a Frog lives in my throat XD

I gotta say... Not bad for a first weekend ;) And I have all week to rest and recoup, so I can do it ALL OVER AGAIN Next Weekend! *happy Zombie dance O Doom*

*chuckles and finishes her coffee so she can make herself a second cup of magical instant goodness* And starting today, I pretty much work all week (hence my being up so early). I would've started last night, but by the time I got home I was so incredibly exhausted that I could barely function. So I made a point to crash early, so that I could get up early, wake up and start my day all bright eyed and some kind of bushy tailed...thing. O.o

Yay coffee Beep thingy o doom! *runs off to make second cup* Mmm Caffeine! O.o

*chuckles and shakes her head* I gotta remember to bring honey and lemon with me next weekend so our voices aren't as worn out by the end of Sunday. Because not only are we all projecting loud enough to be heard by our sections (That's allot of people) there happens to be allot of Dust flying around, or what we all lovingly call, 'Faire Dust' which everyone is covered with by the end of every day. So you can imagine how strained and dry our vocal chords are at the end of the weekend. Honey and Lemon are a Live performer's Best Friend, so I'll be sure to get some this week ;)

*yawns and sips instant-coffee goodness* Good thing I've been getting back into shape... Otherwise I'd be in a Great Deal of pain today. There is Definitely a very big plus to having my Endurance and my Strength back. If you're out of shape, going to Faire will kick you in the ass. Hell, just being at Faire is a workout by itself. So now that I've been more active, I won't be such a friggin' zombie after every weekend (and I'm already a Zombie as it is XD)

Well muh luvlies, I have rambled on quite enough... (Yay for squishy brain O doom!)

I must away... Chug this here cup of instant coffee goodness and go about my day as Slowly as I possibly can XD

*waves behind her coffee cup*

-Adieu

I am A Magical Toaster! O.o

So I'm exhausted... Got home about 20 or so minutes ago (It's 4:53pm) and though I've been up since *mumbles something incoherently* and had a long day...including a parking ticket (OMG!! Onyx finally gone done and broke the law! Hawt damn she's all growwed up!! *snorts*) it's all good, it's payable. And...despite the horrific traffic on the way home (I swear people should have an IQ test before receiving their license) and even though my body aches... I'm getting excited about tomorrow ^_^

How about that...it's 5pm and guess what? I gots me some delicious instant-coffee O doom (which I so desperately needed) and I'm seriously excited about tomorrow.

Man...first day of Faire... It's really here. I can't believe I get to see my Faire Family again :D Holy crap I can't believe I'll be making an ass out of myself in front of countless strangers!?! 

Oh...wait... 

That's normal... The only difference is I'll be in garb ^_^ *giggles*

And on that magical note of silly goodness... *giggles behind her coffee cup* I'm gunna relax for a bit before gathering my things and getting ready to leave by 7:30.

WHOOT!!

-Adieu

Early Morning O Doom!!

It's 6:33am and I don't know what happened, but I overslept... I was supposed to get up at 5, but all I remember was smacking my phone to stop the horrendous noise it was making... I didn't even think about the fact that I needed to get up. When I finally realized it, I checked my phone and it was 6:15am...

*growls and shakes her head*

So that's annoying...

Now, I'm chugging my coffee, will have to run around like a Chicken with her head cut off, because I have to drive a little far this morning for work (yay for last minute plans) which wasn't a bad thing, I enjoy working... I just didn't realize how Tired I'd be this morning. I even went to bed at 11:00pm... But I'm tired.

And this is exactly how I feel...O.o *chuckles and takes a hefty drink of her coffee*

Should be a good day, I'll be getting home around 4pm and than I gather my Garb O Doom together and a few extra things for the weekend and get Ready for Opening Day tomorrow.

That may explain why my sleeping pattern's been outta whack...gettin' waay too excited about tomorrow.

*yawns and blinks; feeling like a Thriller Reject*

Damn...6:42am, and I gotta get ready...

I am definitely NOT a morning person. *smirks*

Alright muh lovelies, I shall bid thee anon and update with a longer post O doom when I get home from work ^_^

-Adieu

Dreaming of Shapeshifters

I was standing by a street light, waiting to walk with a group of people around me and I realized there was a Huge Bird Of Prey on the ground to my right, tearing up a palm tree leaf (like they would a prey animal). But it wasn't a Normal Species. It was the Size of a Golden Eagle... As if it were a mix of Eagle and Hawk but had the coloring of a Desert Bobcat... With Big, Honey colored eyes.

I finally pointed Him out to everyone, because nobody really noticed and when they finally did, acted as though they knew he was there the entire time. I remember waving at this Huge Eagle/Hawk and he brought his head up and looked at me. Right then, the light turned green so I had to walk with everyone else when the Eagle/Hawk was suddenly a Bobcat. It shape-shifted so smoothly I didn't have time to register it. And it was Same exact colors…

I reached my hand out while walking away and said, “it’s okay, I won’t hurt you.” and the people around me backed up as the Bobcat started to walk with us, and would kinda walk toward me than stop, until I completely stopped, in the middle of this crowd of strangers and he started to inch toward me. I murmured firmly with a smile, “Don’t Move.” to the people around me. I offered my hand in greeting and he finally came right up to me, sniffed my fingers and stood very still as I gently rubbed his head. After a second the bobcat decided to plop down on his side and allowed me to crouch down and rub his belly.

"See? He likes me.” I announced warmly...

...and woke up.

Weird, right? *takes a drink of what's left of her first cup of instant caffeine of doom* It was so vivid I had to do a little research before I started writing in this here Blog O Doom and found that the Hawk/Eagle (being a part of my Totem) is not only a Messenger, but talks about 'Seeing things before Anyone else does', which explains noticing the Bird before anyone else.

I couldn't find anything pertaining to a Bird shifting into another animal (mostly because I'm still half asleep and only have enough brain power for one thing at a time) especially a Bobcat.

This is the second day in a row I've dreamt of animals. Yesterday, I dreamt of a Desert Adder Snake (and no, I've never seen one until I looked them up After the dream, and that's Exactly what I saw in my dream. Creepy, huh?) but I knew it was an Adder. I also knew it wouldn't hurt me when it was slithering toward me. The only thing I worried about was this weird jack rabbit lookin' bunny, that darted out in front of me and I knew was a threat to the Adder. Something about the Rabbit wanting to Bite the Adder for getting too close.

This is Muh Brain after that Dream...

Ya, I'm just as confused as you are. *chuckles and shakes her head*

It was interesting to find out what the Animal Symbols actually meant. And lately... I've always wondered about Bobcat/Lynx being a part of my Totem. I've had more than a few friends (who knows their Animal Medicine) tell me I had Lynx around me... I've always been connected to Cats of all sizes, but wasn't as Drawn to Bobcats as I was to Jaguars or Lions. Actually thinking about it... I've always been more fond of the Lynx (especially the European Species) but not because they're larger than their North American cousins. Hmm...stuff to ponder when the brain-pan is fully functional.

I needs me s'more coffee goodness... One moment :P *scampers off to make another cup of instant-Doom* Yay wanna-be coffee! *sits down to enjoy her new cup of caffeine* It ain't the good stuff, but it still gets the job done. So why complain? *chuckles*

If anyone has any thoughts about my dream(s) and your interpretation of them, please by all means, leave me a comment and let me know. Also, if you know anything about Animal Totems, feel free to give me your feedback. I'm always interested in learning something new ^_^

Okay... I just did some research on Lynx Medicine and clicked on this website... My Gawds... So far, everything I've read fits me to a T. I often wondered also, why it was I felt that I had More Guides in my Totem than most. It wasn't about, "I have more Animal Guides than you." It's just knowing that I connect with so many different species that it's hard to pick out the ones I like best (because they All mean something to me) and while reading about Lynx People, this really opened my eyes.

Yet it is important that the Lynx person also find a safe space where they too can unload what has been shared with them though it is rare, if ever, that they will share it with another human being. This is why Guides and Totems are so important for Lynx people in general and why they must learn to work hand in hand with them for it is with their Guides and Totems that the Lynx person can release all that they know and all that has been shared with them. Lynx people in fact may have many Guides and many other totems aside from having the Lynx itself as a primary totem. These folks have come here to watch, to listen, to observe so that when the time is right, others can benefit from their knowing and not have to make the same mistakes as others have done in the past. So much is handed to Lynx people that they need the extra support that so many Guides and Totems can give them. 
[Read The Entirety of Lynx Medicine Here] 

I'm seriously starting to see that I truly do have a very Strong Link to Lynx. 

*Reads the whole thing and can only blink*

Wow... Reading all of that...literally just hit me like a Ton of Bricks. I am a Lynx O.O Holy Crap, they were right. (Yes, I know... Duh! XD)

Wow... I mean, seriously... Wow. 

Yup...see that face? Totally me XD

And on that note o doom... I Shall bid thee, anon!

-Adieu

Thoughts, Exhaustion and Shtuff

These words, they whisper... A gentle murmur, a hidden feeling, dancing behind bloodshot eyes... So much meaning and yet so very fragile. 

Have not the tragic heart broken a thousand times over? Have not the tears flowed til only dust remained? 

Break these internal chains... Restrain the spirit from the freedom of failure. To Live is to struggle, to dance within the flames... Remnants of a bitten hand... Teeth sharpened daggers of fear... Nothing can venture close, no one can enter here. Lost is the soul that binds them... Searching this thick darkness for sanctuary. Seeking out the light that once held warmth. Free the demons of the past, forever screaming to be redeemed.

Broken whispers of a shattered dream...laid out before the wounded in warm, crimson streams.

Fear not the Forsaken... For we are all nothing more... Than the Fading Whispers within a Crowd of Screams.

*  *  *

Yay, poetic goodness! *chuckles and sips her water O doom while listening to her MP3 player on shuffle*

Yes it's 2:12am and yes...I should be sleeping, seein' as I've been semi-coherent since 5:30am. *shrugs* Meh, had a decent day. Long, yes... But even though I was very tired when I got home, as darkness caressed a mystical hand across the horizon... The Nocturnal in Me woke up :P

So here I sit, consumed in loving Shadow as Guns'n'Roses' "Knockin' On Heaven's Door" begins playing in my ears. Ya...definitely peaceful ;)

I don't know what it is that has me awake right now... Possibly the charge of Spring, enticing me with its wordless song... Or maybe I'm just a Spaz that can't get her gorramed brain to shut off at night *lets out a soft laugh and shakes her head*

I also feel...accomplished. Like I said; I had a good day :) And I'm starting to really feel the energy rising inside me for Faire. It's also starting to really sink in that I'm going to be a complete spaz in front of Many unknown people. I basically get to be my Crazy Self for the sheer fun of it AND it's encouraged! The more Amused I can make the Audience, the better. 

I can't believe it's been so many years since I've gone out of my comfort zone and let loose. It's not so much about the attention... I'm actually Really Shy believe it or not. (Crazy, right? I've been a Thespian since I was 7 years old but I've Always suffered Severe stage Fright.) But if I allow Onyx to take over (my Faire Persona) I think the fear will dissipate like a Wolf ridding its coat of water.

I just remember how much I wanted to be a Rouser; how much Fun everyone seemed to have being Crazy. And now... Gawds, almost 9 years later... I finally get the chance to make an absolute ass out of myself for the sheer Joy of it :D I was still pretty innocent back then, and wasn't completely comfortable in my own skin yet, (or barely, I should say) so it made me take a step back from what I thought looked like a great deal of fun. Now, I'm definitely comfortable in my own skin (having accepted myself entirely; scars and all) and I know that I can do this. 

It's interesting... I finally grew the courage to rid myself of my old shell after being weighed down by so much tragedy...and realized that I needed to pull my head out of my ass, stop running away from opportunities because of the fear of Failure and I needed to live every day to the fullest. No more hiding. Period. That part of who I was, is gone. Sure I still suffer some insecurities, but who doesn't? How will I know if something wonderful is about to happen if I'm not willing to be the Fool that steps blindly off a cliff? So what if I fall flat on my face? I'll just get up and try again. No more excuses. And I can honestly say I haven't felt this good in a very long time...

I admit, the biggest reason for my attitude change... *takes a steadying breath as a familiar sting enters her eyes* Is for my Deda...my Nuna. For Erick and Becky and Especially Lory. It hit me like a Huge ton of bricks when I realized how inspiring they had always been to me. They didn't make excuses... They Lived. And they did it with Passion. My Gawd how blind I'd been... I always spoke of my dreams, of the things I wanted to achieve... But they were only words. I'm a Great Story Teller, Sure... But I forgot one very important thing about me... I forgot the Actor in me. Life is a Stage... And I don't have to just write about it anymore... I need to step forward onto that very Stage and Show the world I can portray my story through my actions.

Yes, life can seriously suck. But feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in my misery will do absolutely Nothing for me. What good would that achieve? That kind of attitude had to be wiped out of my mind. 

I hate to say it, but having finally stepped away from that old mindset, it seriously bothers me when I see someone constantly Bitch about how much their life 'sucks' when all I can see is all the Good they have in their lives. I get really angry seeing someone, who's never Truly Known Real Suffering, make their decent life into this over-dramatized soap opera of tragedy.

I cannot stand it when someone has all of these wonderful opportunities around them and they find every excuse in the book to pick at them and turn them into negatives. Prime example of this is someone, who just makes Everything a f***ing travesty. They complain about not having a job, than when they finally get one, they complain about how it's not good enough and how they're not appreciated. Or they're lonely and decide to go on and on about how no one would ever date them because they'll never be good looking or thin enough, or they're getting too old... And they finally start seeing someone and they start going off about how that person just doesn't understand them and they're just going to end up pushing them away because that person isn't good enough and how they should just give up because they're not meant to be happy...

It's a constant pity party and I'm just...absolutely sick of it. Especially when they have so many people that love them and have been trying to get through to them... But after awhile, people get tired of coddling that behavior. Stop being a child. It is NOT our job to baby you and enable this self-involved, selfish, 'poor me' attitude. I'm sorry you think your life sucks, but instead of Blaming every one and every thing Else, how about looking at yourself? The world doesn't owe you Squat. The world isn't gunna do shit for you. Life is Not easy. Do Yourself a favor and instead of bitching about the things you don't like, how about you make the conscious effort to Do something about it. Stop Crying Wolf when the Wolf doesn't even want to be anywhere near you. In fact, I'm pretty sure the Wolf took off because it didn't want to listen to your constant whining anymore.

*takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly* Apologies for the tangent... It just royally pisses me off when someone makes Everything about Them because they are essentially BORED with their life. And I get really angry when they're given encouragement and they act like they Deserve it... But can't offer any positive support in return Unless they get appreciated for it too, even when it has Nothing to do with them. I HATE that 'Me, Me, Me' mindset. *growls softly and shakes her head in irritation*

Which is one of the reasons why I try to keep my sadness to a minimum when I decide to share. Just because I'm havin' a rough time doesn't mean I need to make a production out of it. I'm honestly More concerned how it would affect others. I guess that's the major difference... I think of Others before I think of Myself. 

*sighs and shakes her head*

Sorry for the rant... It's been really bothering me (and obviously still does) it's just...mind-boggling to me at how someone could be so f***ing self involved with their warped attitude that they refuse to see how it affects everyone around them. All they can focus on, is themselves. 

*takes another breath and centers herself* And now...something completely random to help change the mood!

*giggles softly* Random cuteness always helps ^_^

Damn...talk about going off on a tangent of Doom >.< I think I shall get my disgruntled butt to bed before I faceplant against the keyboard *chuckles*

And on that adorable note...

-Adieu