Coffee...How I Love Thee!

Within the early morning light, the mind is in a state of constant movement; thoughts dancing and twisting through the endless catacombs of a tireless imagination. The body remains in neutral; slowly waking as night fights to hold on to the glowing horizon... Followed by a chorus of sound that flows in through the open windows as birds sing cheerfully to the birth of a new day.

The energy of Spring surrounds my tired form as I fight back the fragile tentacles of sleep; shaking away one delicate string at a time with every drink of coffee I take.

But after one is removed, another is slapped back on...and I sit here grumbling like a disgruntled zombie.

This is what 'Sleep' would look like if I were the 'String' XD lol

My thoughts are tangled... Intertwined with dreams that continue to swim in the sleep induced fog behind my eyes. *chugs first cup in record time and proceeds to make another; desperately trying to wake up* It is definitely... 6:22am early. Many would wonder what on Earth would a Night Owl like Me, be doing Up at this Hour unless I were finally going to sleep... Simple, really. I have work today, and I knew I needed to be up extra early so I could wake up properly. It also helps with my Anxiety. The earlier I get up, the more relaxed I am when I leave. I'd much rather get up two hours earlier than be put on mind altering medication.

I'm not bashing medication. There are many it actually helps. I'd much rather do it the natural way because I know what works. And if I happen to start feeling an Anxiety Attack coming on, I try my best to stay calm. Let me tell ya, it can be pretty trying. Especially when it happens around people who've never experienced an Anxiety Attack... Because in some cases, they think you're doing it for attention...and that only makes it worse, because attention is the very LAST thing you're thinking about or even Want when Anxiety takes over. You instinctively want to Hide as waves of dread begin slicing through your veins and you're trapped in your own body, trying with everything you can to stop it from happening.

At least for me anyway...

When it hits me, I try to keep my mouth shut. I know that if I shuttup and keep myself calm, it'll ease off. It's extremely hard if someone doesn't understand and begins Needling (pestering you, trying to get you to talk) you about your feelings. The reason I clam up in the first place, is because when Anxiety starts to rear its ugly head, I will actually stutter, because my brain and my mouth decide to shut down and my words end up being strangled in the back of my throat. 

The worst thing someone can do is talk down to me when this is happening... Acting as if I'm just some idiot child acting out for attention... When in reality my brain is malfunctioning and all I need is a few moments to ride it out so I can force myself to calm down.

It's incredibly insulting when someone, who knows nothing about Anxiety or Panic Attacks, assumes this is all in my head and I need to simply get over it. Using that attitude and tone toward me when an Attack hits, only makes it worse... Because while I'm fighting myself to regain control, I become incredibly hurt and my ability to speak just stops completely. The only way an Attack will stop on a dime... Is if I become incredibly Angry. I immediately get quiet, and speak in a very low, controlled tone of voice. Sure it makes it easier to understand me, but it's not the best course of action. Me becoming Angry is Never a good thing. Sure I'll go off on entertaining tangents whilst driving and having to deal with idiotic drivers, but it's not true anger. I'm the Quiet type of Angry...and it generally takes allot to get me to that point.

*chuckles and takes a drink of her coffee* Gotta love sleep-induced ramblings this early in the morning.

Anyhoo... Got an interesting day ahead of me, but I think it'll go well ^_^ All I know, is that when night comes around I may face-plant early. Especially after this past weekend when I had maybe a total of Four Hours of sleep in two days and Finally slept Sunday night. I think I'm just gettin' excited about Opening Day for Faire. I'm excited and nervous and honestly just can't wait to be there... A part of me still can't believe I'm actually working this year.

See This Baby Owl?! This is the way I Feel about Faire O.O

Anyhoo... *giggles and shakes her head* I must bid thee anon and get muh butt in the shower so I can get my day started.

*huggles*

-Adieu