Thank the almighty caffeine gods for coffee. -raises her Nightmare Before Christmas Thermos in salute before taking a much needed gulp of its delicious contents-
Oooh I just put on Pandora Radio and was immediately met with "You Spin Me Round(Like a Record)" and couldn't help but start wiggling/dancing in place -laughs softly- Ah yes, morning shenanigans...how I love thee ^_^
-chuckles and shakes her head- I've been actively fighting myself to stay positive recently. Yes, I've got something awful living behind my eyes but I'm not going to give it the satisfaction it so desperately craves. It will not rule me. Yes, I'm battling with emotions that are steadily tearing me down as I struggle to keep going forward. We all have those days or points in our lives where you know the world isn't out to get you, but it literally feels like it.
As though you've been fighting through each level, gaining XP and amazing equipment and you're really convinced you can take on anything...well, within reason, when you get to the next part and the boss battle completely obliterates you. It wouldn't suck as much if you didn't happen to lose basically Everything you've earned the Entire Journey to this point. In a single instant...it's taken away. As if your attempts never meant a god damned thing.
You've been rolling high and even a few 20's but you come across the wrong foe and you're mortified by the 1 you've dropped. It's not just a critical fail, oh no...it's so epic you don't just lose a few limbs, you lose half of everything you've worked for and barely make it out alive.
That's how it makes me feel... And if you didn't know, I am a Gamer. -grins-
-squeaks and begins rocking out to 'Girl's Just Wanna Have Fun' by Cyndi Lauper-
Damn that just brought me back to my childhood...watching The Goonies with my Dad and dreaming about going to Oregon. Good memories :)
I finally did get to go by that coastline and I miss it soo very much. I just miss Oregon. I haven't talked about it in awhile, seeing as my plans to head north were derailed temporarily because the Fates decided I had some more experience to gain. I still plan on making my way up there. I want to aim for Salem (because I've got family there) and because it's always felt like home. I remember how I would describe it to Dad and he actually wanted to move up there too. That was the plan before he got sick. He was going to help me by coming out to Oregon with me, help getting a place and that way we'd still be close to each other.
So I have this drive deep down inside me to find my way there. Though my Ellie is not running and I'm still waiting to hear back from Starshmucks for an Interview, things may not be as productive as they were last year around this time, I haven't given up yet. I will drag myself, broken and bleeding if I have to. Dramatic yes, but an accurate depiction to how gorramned determined I am about making this happen.
Stubborn? Oh shuga, you've got no idea. -gives a sly grin-
Oh sweet buttery geezuss, 'Enter Sandman' by Metallica just started playing! Oh how I love good music! I definitely need more coffee...-scampers off to get another cup-
I'm still somewhat out of sorts, but I'm actively making myself get through it. I can feel the tendrils of withdrawal sliding along my spirit, searching for any weakness so it can grab me and drag me down the rabbit hole. Somehow I've been able to shrug it off and felt that terrible creature slink back in defeat. I cannot allow myself to be poisoned by negativity.
I've gone through too much and come too far to let myself fail now. Yes, I've just survived the most intensely painful experiences in less than 3 years time, but I can't give up now. Yes I'm still very wounded and have barely even begun to heal inside, no I'm not the same person I was before. But that's the beauty of life. Change. A metamorphosis of the person we were into the person we'll eventually become.
Yes!! -flails- 'Bohemian Rhapsody' just started playing! -sways and starts singing along-
Damn, really makes me want to go out for karaoke again. The one song we all sing, no matter who I'm with, we end the night singing this and head banging as epically as possible and generally get the entire place to sing along with us -lets out a soft laugh- Good lord I do some really crazy things in public XD Well, at least I'm entertaining everyone and making people laugh. That's something that has always made me feel better as a person no matter how crappy I'd been feeling. Knowing that I've brought joy to someone, even for a second, brings warmth to my heart. I love making people smile and laugh. I don't care how ridiculous or unattractive I look, if I've managed to raise your spirits, I've done my job.
-sways back and forth happily as The Doors, "Alabama Song (Whisky Bar)" starts playing through the headphones- Yet another favorite song...especially since another nicname of mine is Whisky -laughs and shakes her head before taking another drink of her strong coffee of doom-
Heh, after I sat here enjoying the silliness of that song, the next one makes me stop. The haunting beat coils through me and pushes old sensory memories to the surface. Remembering how I felt and who I was all those years ago when this first played on the radio. Kind of fitting for how I've been feeling for some time now too. "What it's like" by Everlast from 1998
Still an incredibly powerful song and I can't believe it's been 17 years. That's a young adult right there -chuckles and shakes her head-
Well my lovelies, I'm gunna end it here, drink me some more coffee and find interesting things to occupy my brainmeats with. See ya'll on the flipside ;)
-Adieu
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