Sleeping Chestbursters and Coffee

I'm currently on my third cup of joe, and still feel like I've been hit by a truck. Not sure if it's due to the weird dreams, the tossing and turning or the fact that I had a few shots of Wild Turkey before I attempted unconsciousness last night... Eh, it is what it is. 

No worries, I haven't taken up bad habits. I did the whole drinking every night for a week already, and realized that wasn't the best idea. This was the first night in awhile that I even touched any form of liquor, just so I could get the panic to ease off and relax enough to actually get tired.

It's usually a Bad Sign when the only kind that actually works is at least 101 Proof; the higher the tolerance, the more likely one will drink which could lead to alcoholism and considering the situation my Father has found himself in, I'm definitely Not going to follow down the same path, no matter how hard this gets and I'll admit it...it's pretty gorramed hard.

Sure I'm suffering severe chest pains since yesterday due an ongoing panic attack, (no, the coffee honestly isn't making it worse. It's weaker than normal and it's more of a comfort than anything else) I've got a shit ton of things weighing on my mind...but at least it's a pretty day. Perspective, eh?

I know that my musings recently have been anything but amusing, but that's the thing about stress; you can only run from the fog for so long before it finally encompasses you and spills over into your life for everyone to see. As though I've been sucked into Silent Hill, thought I'd escaped but only to find that it's been with me all along... That I never truly escaped because I brought it with me.

I think that's something I'm really going to miss after I move... The thick, ghostly fog that rolls in from the ocean and sweeps over the landscape... The haunting call of a foghorn of a ship off in the distance as they make their way blindly into port. The scent of sea salt on a chilly breeze as this living mist swirls all around you...

*sighs softly and takes a hefty drink from her nightmare before christmas thermos*

I'm torn, standing on the edge of the unknown...wondering how it is that I got here in the first place. Because when I look out toward the horizon, seeking out some form of familiarity... All that dances within my fearful vision is a pulsating fog of secrets.

When it finally lifts, will there be a future before me? Or a horde of nightmares waiting to devour me whole?

*chuckles and shakes her head* Gotta love the imagination.

As you can tell, I'm actively Trying to be in a better mental state. Forcing myself to be lighter, to fight against the panic rat clawing at the bruised tissue within my chest. I honestly feel like I'm carrying the embryo of a Xeno in my rib cage and it's starting to wake up. Definitely not the most pleasant feeling to have for hours on end.

And on that note... *smirks* I'm gunna finish this cup of coffee and commence boring shenanigans for the rest of my chaotic day.

-Toodles