Today has been nothing but one on-going shit storm...
I tried forget the fact that my Dad called my phone (mind you, he's in the Living Room when he did this) at 5:30am, an hour before my alarm was supposed to go off and snarls at me, "Erin you need to get up or the paramedics are going to break down the door!" Was the first thing I heard as I struggled to pull myself out of bed.
He couldn't get out of his chair...instead of calling me to get me to do it, he calls me to wake me up that he'd called 911 for help...
They show and it's three firefighters lookin' about as awake as I am. I'm just too exhausted in every aspect to care what I look like or what this shit hole looks like when they come in. I'm partially embarrassed and try to explain we're in the midst of moving, hence the look of this place. By first glance, they announce that they want to take him to the hospital and Dad begins to ramble on because his brain is on 'melt down' and I have to answer that we tried that the first time and they told us he was fine and sent us home. They got him to his feet and Dad proceeded to tell them that we had to shell out over a grand just for the last ride to the hospital. They then offered to take him to Kaiser, and I scoffed with an unpleasant smile, unshed tears in my eyes and muttered, "Ya they sent us away too...and told us to take him to the VA." Once I mentioned that, their demeanors changed (gee I wonder why?) and in more sympathetic tone, the same guy asked the last time Dad saw his doctor and I mentioned it's been awhile because we have no way to get there. He then asked about transport and once again, I had to tell them that the transport folks will only meet us at the Bottom of the three flights of stairs, which kinda defeats the purpose in the first place.
Long story short, they got Dad to his bed and left, but made sure to assure Dad we don't have to pay for the visit.
Between 6am til Noon, Dad kept waking up and decided to fight with me. He'd call me in there, just to babble nonesence at me (which actually scared me) and when I told him I didn't understand, he'd start cussing at me for it...
When he finally got up, he was more like himself; clear headed...he was my Dad again.
That didn't last long.
Wanting to get out of the house for a bit and spend time with one of my Best friends who I probably won't see as much as I used to once I move, I told Dad we were going to hang out. That's when his mood really changed and he started reacting like he used to when he had one too many beers and would verbally attack me because I was the only here...
It was 11pm by the time I left the house, we went to 7-11 real quick and sat up by the closed star bucks just to sit and shoot the shit. At 12:24, not more than an hour and 24 minutes Dad calls me and instead of talking To Me... He starts Barking at me. You see, he wanted to go to bed before I left, so I had to make my friend wait while I got Dad into bed... So when I picked up the phone, I wanted to tell him to rest a bit more and I wouldn't be out much later. Next thing I know...he's chewing me out. Every time I tried to speak, he'd raise his voice and talk over me, "you've been gone for two hours and I'm done sleeping and my leg hurts and you need to help me get up because I can't walk..." etc etc. He was completely ignoring me every time I tried to respond that it got to the point where I barked out, "Goodbye!" and hung up on him.
I attempt to get my bearings and call him back.
"Dad."
-yelling- "Erin?!"
-straining to keep myself from screaming I calmly continue-, "Dad I'll be home in a few minutes."
"Hello?! Speak Up!!"
-chest pains hit and the wind kicks up more-, "I said I'll be home in a few minutes."
-In a nasty tone-, "Ya, you go ahead and do whatever you want while I just sit here and stew in it."
-I actually feel Seth twitch next to me because he can hear my Dad's response-. "Dad I just said I'll be home in a few minutes!"
"Ya, a few minutes means two hours." -He shoots back me with such venom that if I didn't have so much self control, I would've smashed my phone on the concrete-.
"Goodbye Father." -I snarled and hung on him before he could say anything else-.
Seth was quiet at the exchange he just witnessed as warm wind began dancing around us, gaining strength as I fought to choke back my anger and the tears that so desperately wanted to escape my bloodshot eyes.
He took me up to 7-11 once more because I had to get milk, a lil bowl of cereal and a yogurt...that my ungrateful father asked for about four times before I even left the house.
"Damn, I'm so sorry Erin." Seth exclaimed softly because I was trembling, trying to keep my shit together.
All I wanted was to spend some time with one of my bestfriends, and I had even said that to my Father...but he talked over me. He didn't want to hear anything I had to say. All he could think about was himself. Period. Acting exactly the way he used to when he drank too much and would target me for no fucking reason.
I get home and before I can even set my bags down, he's already yelling for me. Not just calling out to me, but Barking at me like I'm a fucking animal.
I get into his room, thinking he's sitting up waiting for me... Nope, he's still under the covers, expecting me to do pretty much everything for him. And even as I'm standing there, he continues to bark me, argue with me. I finally manage to get him sitting upright even though he's still treating me like a dog... And then, proceeds to start to talking about something that has absolutely no importance at the time.
Needless to say... I'm still fucking pissed. He was not only mean, but acted like an ungrateful, spoiled child having a shit fit because I wasn't doing what he wanted when he wanted it.
And even if I try to tell him what that does to me, how he treats me...he doesn't hear it. Not when he's like this...
Every day my Dad is constantly changing...he's less the man who was my childhood hero and more the monster that lived at the bottom of every fucking can of beer he drank.
I'm so done with being treated like this... And all the while, I'm trying to clean and pack this place even though he's constantly tearing at me. Talking to me like I'm an idiot.
Just now I had to help in bed, and gently tried talking him saying, "by the way I wasn't gone for two hours, it was barely an hour and a half."
His response, "Can you get my legs." more of a demand...completely ignoring me altogether. I just told him not to call me, period. If he does, I will smash my phone.
This is what I've been dealing with...every fucking day...every other hour when his brain switches over to 'asshole mode' and I can do nothing but take it.
Every. Day.
Now it's 3:12am and I still have to get up at an early hour to continue cleaning and packing...
...I don't want this anymore.
-anon-
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