A Cycle of Change

Golden streams of early morning light dance over a tired form as crisp December air sneaks in through the open windows. The mind is filled with a thousand mechanisms; a living computer working constantly to keep its vessel alive.

Though, this early in the morning... I appear more like a Thriller Zombie than a functioning human being.

*chuckles and sips coffee*

Something interesting is going to happen later this morning. For the first time in my entire existence thus far... I will be meeting my Dad's Sister for the first time... My Aunt Ester and her Daughter, (my Cousin) Antoinette.

I've always felt very alone due to my Mom's side of the family. Surrounded by Aunts and Uncles and cousins... I was never truly family to them. Because we weren't blood. The only True family link was my Deda, my Grandfather. I never truly felt accepted by the rest of the family, never quite felt the bond only blood can bring.

Speaking to my Aunt Ester and Antoinette on the phone a week ago... I KNEW they were Blood. I could literally Feel they were my family and we instantly clicked on the phone. Not only was I suddenly aware I had Blood living in the same town as me, I have several cousins my age (Antoinette's children, making them my second cousins)... Family I've always been desperate to have on my Dad's side of the family.

Growing up around my Mom's side of the family, as fun as it was (Think my Big Fat Greek Wedding) I never seemed to fit in... Or ever felt 'Good Enough' to be in their presence, because I couldn't speak Slav and I was my Mother's Daughter. Without realizing it, they treated me as an inferior... As if my Worth as a Person was determined by my Gender. Very traditional, I was seen as a Child that should only speak unless spoken to and was to be 'Trained' to cook and clean so that I could 'properly' take care of my future husband.

Ya...that didn't go over too well. 7 years old, I was already an intelligent little person that bravely spoke her opinion even when faced with a punishment by wooden spoon. Many a wooden spoon were sacrificed over my bottom due to a certain Matriarch thinking she could 'Beat' the defiance out of me. Or in most cases, beat some 'Sense' into me.

That didn't work too well either *chuckles*

The thing is, I was a very sweet, loving child that just wanted to make everyone around me happy. I was always trying to please these people... I wasn't a perfect angel, I was stubborn and spoke my mind (Ya, that hasn't changed much lol).

So for years, I'd always hoped there was other family out there, real Blood family that might actually accept me and appreciate me for who I am.

And it all started with a phone call... Aunt Ester called to let us know my Great Aunt Alice, whom I had spoken to for the first time 3 years ago, had passed away on Friday, November 23rd...a day after Thanksgiving and the same day the state of my relationship changed. I had always wanted to meet my Great Aunt Alice, because when we had spoken on the phone, I felt as though I was talking to an Older version of me.

It's strange how things happen... Always changing, a continuous cycle interwoven with the energies of a living universe. Too many things happen, too many things I've experienced to merely pass off as mere 'coincidence'. I truly feel everything happens for a reason...

So who knows...maybe this is a sign of good things to come.

*smiles*

-Adieu-