The Joys of Chaos; Hand Delivered by The Fates

I’m at a loss… 

Because you see, I began my day with a surprise I received in the mail; from Marlboro of all things. I remembered signing something more than a few years ago (due to a survey I was handed by a very sweet young lady after being given a free lighter) and when I opened the small box…this is what I found.

An unexpected surprise. And these are my favorite kind of sunglasses. They’re not cheaply made either, which is cool.

But as I browsed the always brain-melting ‘Facedesk’ I noticed something made for a friend… Picture… And focused on what was written on it.

My heart dropped.

A very dear and beautiful friend, had unexpectedly passed away on Sunday…

Trying to deal with the sudden loss, I began writing… A small poem of goodbye, and had wanted to write more when my Insensitive, Male Parental Unit suddenly wanted the computer. I told him of the news, and it didn’t seem to have any affect. He just didn’t care.

I guess Beer kills Empathy.

I thought perhaps he wanted to use the computer to continue his story, so I wasn’t that upset. I encourage him to write.

But instead… He needed the computer, so he could go into a chat room and ‘talk’ to his new friends…

For two hours I had to sit and stew in my broken thoughts, needing an outlet…so while it was just so fucking important that he ‘chatted’, I sat in the living room, on the floor and wrote in my journal. And then something sweet happened.

Gir snuck up to my right, sat down; facing me, and gently began cleaning a spot on my right arm, causing me to stop writing. He does this when he’s trying to comfort me. I literally felt the anger and tension leak out of my body by his silent gesture of understanding. He knew exactly what I needed…

After a minute, he stopped and curled up next to me; gazing up at me with concern in his feline gaze, telling me without words that he understood and was going to be there for me by staying close.

And this is why I Love Animals so much. They understand me without the need for Human Speech. I feel Blessed to have this connection with my Animal brethren…but also incredibly hurt that my Own Father becomes an insensitive, mean-spirited Cave Troll when he’s had a few beers. And it’s been getting steadily worse lately… To the point that I’ve become his Verbal/Emotional punching bag for no reason at all. Everyday. Like clockwork.

I don’t even want to go out, have a potentially really good day, only to come home and get verbally cut down. It’s been happening every fucking day now.

And to top it off, I don’t want to speak to my Mother anymore. Not until she goes to a professional and gets therapy. Because after calling her yesterday and trying to talk to her like an adult, she decided it was okay to verbally attack me. For no fucking reason. I wasn’t being mean in any way, I was speaking very calmly about my worries and concerns for her well being, and she thought it was okay to throw incredibly hurtful things at me… Acting like a fucking child.

I love her, but I will Not tolerate such immature behavior, especially from my Own Mother. And I don’t want to hear any more excuses. She’s an Adult, she needs to start attacking like one. The same goes with my Father.

I’m completely done with the constant abuse.

*growls* The Fates are really startin’ to get on my last fuckin’ nerve…

*takes a very deep needed breath, and lets out slowly*

I was supposed to go to my Aunt’s tonight…but I’m going to cancel. I’ll let my Cousin know that today’s just not a good day and I’ll try to swing by sometime this week.

I’m going to try to find something else to ease this inner conflict before I go off on my Father for his behavior.

-Anon-