In the first sequence, I recall being in a house made of glass. Snow fell thick and freezing all around but I was inside where it was safe and warm. Or so I thought. I was waiting for my friend to finally settle in when I realized, there were Grizzlies just on the opposite side of the glass. There was a soft barking inside and I realized a small dog was also there, announcing that he too wasn’t too keen on those Grizzlies checking us out just on the other side. I ran over to the glass doors, which to my dismay, was where the largest of grizzlies was standing outside of. I tensed as it growled, but kept my eyes down. “Don’t make eye contact.” I said softly to myself and felt the lock click over into place. I raised my eyes just enough to notice the large male had decided to camp out a few feet away, head facing to the right, eyes heavy with sleep. I surveyed the others and there were two slightly smaller females about five feet to the right, a little further from the glass, curled up like two lazy cats in the snow. There was a fourth, further to the right, but it’s back was to me so I relaxed a little.
When I turned to see if he’d finally made it, I noticed it was the same familiar face that had graced my dreams before. But he was more solid, more real. His eyes lit up as he smiled at me.
The dream was cut short by my brain waking me up, having rolled over onto a full bladder. A groan, I got up, went to the bathroom, came back and got back into bed. Melissa Etheridge’s ‘Sleep’ playing softly on my phone, lulling me back to that place I feel safe. I didn’t want to miss him. I felt cheated. I hoped that when I returned he’d be waiting for me. It’s rare, but sometimes I get lucky.
This time when I drifted back into that place beyond consciousness… He was waiting for me.
No longer trapped in that glass house surrounded by thick snow drifts and massive grizzlies, I was in an area that reminded me of old town Pasadena. Desert hills but cool with trees and old buildings. I was near a two story house, mostly brick. It didn’t fit. When I turned down the street, it changed somehow. It went from southern California to somewhere in the Midwest. The air was different, the sky was clearer, the roads hummed with a different kind of echo. I realized I was standing on a street I’ve never been, but it felt familiar somehow.
As I stood there in my confusion, I glanced up toward the telephone line and saw a white dove. I smiled as it peered down at me, but tensed when a very large light golden falcon swooped down, nearly capturing the dove.
That husky voice interrupted my thoughts and made me turn toward the brick house. “Hey, you made it!” He exclaimed and trotted up to me. It was odd…for a moment, it seemed like he didn’t know what to do with himself. As though he wanted to hug me, but didn’t want to scare me. Instead, he shoved his hands into his jean pockets; his eyes smiling at me.
“Hey you.” I replied with a bashful smile, suddenly feeling just as awkward. “I was just watching the falcon.”
His brows shot up. “Falcon? Really, where?” he asked and I motioned to the telephone lines to my left which gave him the excuse to not only take a step forward, but to stand directly next to me; his left arm brushing against my shoulder. A smile ghosted my lips at his subtlety but I kept it to myself.
“Oh wow…” I said in soft amazement as I brought my eyes up and the Falcon was suddenly White. “It wasn’t white before.”
His brow furrowed as he looked down at me. “Different bird, maybe?” His question was held in a deep tone that felt like heaven to my ears. Normally, I would’ve blanched with him standing so close, hearing his voice right next to my ear.
But I was too focused on the anomaly. “I don’t know. I’ve never seen a white Falcon before.” I answered softly and shook my head. It was strange, but I knew there was a message there. Especially when I watched it take off, wings open, and suddenly there were feathers landing near my feet. It left feathers for me. I quickly collected the white feathers and held them close, knowing how important they were.
In the next scene, we had gone to the front of the house and were just sitting and bullshitting. He seemed more relaxed but still bashful, as if he really wanted to touch me but couldn’t get himself to cross that line. Not yet. I remember we had both gotten up because he had gotten a text and had to make a quick phone call. As he walked away from me, hands in his pockets, he wore the biggest smile and even stopped in his stride to look at me one more time before exiting my sight. At that moment I could hear a voice in my head say, “He really likes you.”
It’s odd how it was over the course of a few days (gotta love how dreams play out. Mine? Just like a damned movie lol) we had spent every day together and I remember on the last day, he mentioned he had something he had to do that evening, something about seeing his family but he’d see me afterward as soon as he was free. I can’t remember the entirety of his attire, but his shirt sticks out the most. A blue and black flannel button down. But the material looked thick; made for cooler weather.
“I’m glad you get to spend time with your family.” I said with a smile and sat to his left on a bench outside the house.
He ran a hand through his unruly hair; a nervous tick that made me smile inwardly. “Me too.” He replied and finally gave me his eyes. “I promise to come see you afterward.”
I placed my right hand over his left hand that was resting on his thigh. “I’ll miss your company, but I’m not going anywhere, shuga.” I reassured in a gentle lull of a voice and went to squeeze his hand when he turned his palm up and interlocked his fingers with mine.
Those eyes searched mine for a moment, as if he wanted to say something else…when he looked down and realized the size difference of our hands. “Oh my god, your hands are so tiny!” He exclaimed and brought my hand up so he could get a better look at it.
I let out a laugh as he put his left hand up and I placed my right hand there, palm to palm. “Yeah, I know.” I chuckled and shook my head.
“It’s just so cute!” He quipped with a laugh and brought our hands back down, but didn’t let go.
“Get going, you handsome dork.” I chimed and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a hug.
He held me flush against him, his face buried in the nape of my neck for a moment when he rumbled out, “Promise you’ll be here?”
I nodded and murmured, “Promise.” and kissed his cheek before unraveling myself from his embrace. I leaned back and found myself going tense when he placed those warm hands on either side of my face and pressed a gentle kiss on my forehead. I swallowed a lump of anxiety from the back of my throat and felt myself relax.
He let his hands fall away, held mine one more time while looking deeply into my eyes. It was only a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity…drowning within the hidden worlds I saw looking back at me. In that moment I realized, I wanted to be there.
Then the moment was over. He was on his feet, one last look in my direction and started his journey down the street.
I watched as a fog pooled down from the heavens and began to devour everything along the street. I watched his figure become nothing more than a fading shadow as that swirling mist engulfed him and took him away.
The fog swallowed me but I wasn’t afraid. I had this smile on my face and a warm feeling resonating inside of me. Even when I was brought into a different dream, and new faces…he was still in my thoughts. It was so strange. I still had the white Falcon feathers in my hands, holding them close to my heart when I looked at them. I knew that I’d see him again. It warmed me to know he felt the same way. For the first time, I had hope again…
-shrugs and shakes her head-
I woke up with a heavy heart, wondering why I keep dreaming of him. But more specifically, why he was in all of my dreams last night. From the moment I fell asleep until I woke up. Well, maybe not the last hour, but I was thinking of him.
I’m a little better than I was yesterday, but I feel kind of off. I think I’m just going to go research the Falcon thing. See what that means. Maybe play some Agar.io again as Ellen Ripley and see if I have the patience to get on the leader boards again. Oddly enough, all I can think about is that damned dream…
I don’t get it.
-Adieu
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