What Lies Beneath

A cool hand reaches out, invisible fingers leaving a trail of goosebumps it their wake as they dance lightly along my flesh. I shudder and pull my jacket closer as early morning light breaks across the horizon causing the dew drops against the table's surface to sparkle; tiny rainbows trapped within a translucent cage.

I bring my nightmare before christmas thermos to my lips and take a drink of my coffee; the heat streams down my throat and pools in my stomach like a warm hug. A soft sigh escapes my lips and I find myself drifting through the files of my memory warehouse. Remembering as if it were just yesterday, moments in time... Precious and fleeting... Moments with my Father. I'm stung by a sudden wave of emotion, welling up in the back of my throat, choking my voice as the threat of tears dance along my lash line. I don't want to feel this...I don't need this kind of pain right now. I've done so well... I've kept it locked down and buried, kept it secret, kept it safe. I pushed it so far down I wondered if I'd ever remember what it was like to truly Feel again.

I've been numb for so long...

But human emotion is a tricky bitch.

Heh, interesting that I'd be talking about this right now as Breaking Benjamin's "What Lies Beneath" is playing and the words catch my attention, "All in all, You're no good, You don't cry, Like You Should, Let it go, If you could, When love dies in the end." 

*smirks and shakes her head* Gotta love random coincidence through music.

It's been a struggle these past few days... Getting hit by memories so intense, I can almost remember the scent in the air that day; the lingering aroma of Dad's Kools and fresh Sea Air pouring in through the open window. The way the sunlight bled in through the blinds, casting long, playful shadows along the old apartment walls...

*stops and swallows the hard lump from the back of her throat*

I don't get it... I honestly do not want to be feeling this. It just needs to bugger off.

*growls and rolls her neck* Anyway... I gotta pee... (As though you needed to know that lovely tid-bit of information. Your day is now complete. You're welcome :P lol) So I'm gunna go visit the porcelien god, get me More coffee goodness and go outside for another smoke... Maybe this weight in my chest will lift and the urge to cold-clock someone across the face will subside... I hope.

-Anon-