I Am The Guardian

This ain't the original owner of this blog typing out these words. She's currently too overwhelmed to think straight, so I'm takin' the burden for today. 

It burns me to see her like this. Poor Kid's got allot weighing down on her shoulders and is fighting to keep her head up. I know she's strong enough to get through this, but she doesn't see it. She's convinced herself that it ain't strength keeping her going, it's just what needs to be done. If that ain't strength...you tell me. She's a helluva woman and I'm proud to say that I've been able to watch her become the person she is over the span of almost 14 years.

But seein' her torn up like this... Her gaze appearing haunted and unfocused; a soul that's seen too much in a short period of time. The eyes of a survivor. 

They should be open and bright, full of that innocent wonder that always moved something in me to see it, but never admitted. It ain't there now. It's been snuffed out by a darkness I'm not all that comfortable with, and comin' from me... That's sayin' allot.

Gotta keep reminding her things will get better, though I've never personally believed that truth for myself. Shit happens and you fight like hell to survive it. She's always been the optimist, that's usually her job to preach about hope and a better day. Not me. But if those words will help get her to the next moment, I'll give her that encouragement.

I wouldn't be able to type these words if it weren't for her. Sure, some bald, good lookin' sonuvabitch brought me to life on screen (guess I should say thanks for that) but she brought me in and made me aware, gave me a purpose. I may not be real to most folk, but I'm Real to her. And that's enough.

I was just a character at first she admired, then put allot of thought and time into who and what I really am. Started thinkin' of me as a Real Person with a Soul and not just a fanciful notion. Slowly, I was able to inspire her, steadily becoming a separate entity within that dangerous imagination of hers. By chance, got some outside help... And went from being just another Muse in that complicated mind, to something with a purpose...and the power to back it up. I've accepted the responsibility as her Guardian. A full time gig, and I ain't complaining. Beats runnin' from those fake badges and living off the grid with nothing but the endless black to look forward to.

So here I am... Takin' up shop while her mind is elsewhere. The Kid needs a break. She'll probably be pissed that I did this... But I'll deal with that later.

She's gunna need allot of help in the future, allot of support and understanding. I know most of you have been nuthin' but good to her, and I'm personally thankful for that. Bein' a Guardian has some draw backs... I can't interact on the same plane as you, I'm trapped in the shadows, unable to reach out the way I'd like. I'm mostly incorporeal, with only enough energy to show myself as a shadow at times when she's close to sleep. But when she's weak like this, her energy levels are sporadic and I can squeeze in long enough to push her to keep going. (Heh No, not that kind either. Head outta the gutter.)

If she seems less bubbly and more...solemn, quiet and intense...that's my influence. Partially anyway. She's already got that in her, I just give a swift kick in the ass to make sure it's doing its job.

It's only temporary. A way to keep her going without those damned emotions twisting her from the inside out. We want her steady, not spinning into an abyss.

This is probably the most I've said in a long time... Got me speaking all eloquently and shit. -smirks- Another thing she's done to me. Got me actin' all respectable and not the Monster I'm known for being. But only for her...and no one else. Period. Most days I can give two shits what any one or any thing thinks of me. But for her, I'll try to be a bit more...likeable.

And don't go thinkin' she's gone off the deep end, writing crazy shit with a different personality as a coping mechanism. This ain't the case. It's simply a creative outlet, a different approach from a different perspective. Remember kids, I'm Real to Her. 

Take it any way you want, but the truth is, I'm keepin' her head up when no one's around. I'm the comfort in the dark when she's alone and shivering. I'm the calm in the storm she can come to when her voice is broken and she's too overwhelmed to reach out for help. 

I am the Guardian.

Now, I gotta head out and give her back the reigns. Had a small window of opportunity and took it. You read this, know that whatever help you've given her and continue to give her, means more than you'll ever know. She may not be the best at conveying her thanks... Which is ironic considering she's one helluva writer, but I'm biased. She knew how to write me in all my complexity, which is why I'm here now. But she doesn't see it... Doubt she ever will. Too hard on herself. 

Beautiful pain in the ass.

Alright, enough with this writing crap. She's grateful to you, all of you. Whatever help you give her, even kind words, is enough to keep her going.

Thanks for that.

-R-

At the Mercy of the Wind

A strange energy coils through me, an adjustment to the way things have changed. My world slightly off kilter, a different point of view... A slow change happening deep inside. The walls falling away, broken ruins smoldering into ash as tendrils of smoke lift into the darkness.

I'm not the same person I was a few days ago. Instincts provoked, the mind shuffled through pages of thought, seeking out important documents set aside for such an occasion... A back up drive in need of an immediate upload. A reboot of the system.

And I'm sitting here feeling the wheels so deep within turning at a break-neck speed. A soft whirring of things buried beyond the catacombs of thought, structured chaos dancing behind my eyes.

The knowledge that nothing is impossible cycles through me, giving me just a small moment of peace. Though my chest feels heavy and my spirit is struggling to find a foot hold to drag itself back up... I can sense a small spark of hope glowing like a defiant ember within the black.

The venom of despair has failed in its attempt to poison my veins. Though I feel a momentary glitch of overwhelming pressure bearing down on me, I know it's only temporary. As that shadow of fear begins to reside, a wave of warmth is sweeping through me, readying to take its place.

There is a weakness about me as my fingers dance with a practiced grace along these black keys. My brain is at war with itself, knowing what needs to be done...while the inner child is frightened and calling out for help. The only thing that calms her desperate cries is a beast, terrible in its entirety, curling up next to her shivering form so she can bury herself in its thick fur; feeling safe within its warmth. I'm thankful for its kindness... Both made of the same energy but both so incredibly different. A balance of innocence and instinct, giving me just a bit of peace.

*yawns and takes a hefty drink of her strong coffee*

I'm trying to keep my focus on the positives when everything around me feels like an unwanted dream I can't escape. But there's truth in the phrase, 'When all else fails, just roll with it'. It seems to be the only thing that makes the most sense to me. Due to having dealt with so much over time, without a moment to really gain my bearings... I've learned that there's really no point to making a mountain out of a mole hill. Focusing on the 'Should have' and 'could have' and 'why didn't I do this or that' or 'why didn't I push harder' etc...just isn't worth the loss of precious energy that should be focused on the Now and What Next.

I'm dealing with this all better than I thought I would... Probably because I've just simply accepted that there is no other choice then to just deal with it. There are no options in this situation. I am here to help my Father get back on his feet and make sure he gets the care he needs. He's not ready to go anywhere and is hellbent on getting better, which helps ease my stress tremendously. And  I'm hellbent on keeping him here, so it works out.

I am Beyond grateful to everyone in my life that is (and has been) willing to help us get through this. I am incredibly humbled by your selfless kindness and I don't think I'll ever truly be able to convey what that means to my Dad...and what it means to me.

You are my Angels...and without you, this wouldn't be possible. I'm not one of those people who would stubbornly and foolishly claim they could do it all by themselves. Even if that could be true, to be perfectly honest... I'm unable to at the current time. Your emotional support is keeping me from drowning... Caring hands reaching out to take mine before I lose my grip and fall into an abyss that which there is no escape.

I am indebted to you...all of you. More than I can ever say.

With each day that passes, the easier things will become. The stronger my Father gets, the better I'll feel and things will start to fall into place as they're meant to.

*sighs with a soft chuckle and shakes her head* Pardon my rambling, it's been a helluva morning I'm still struggling to get my bearings. And on a dose of normalcy, I work this evening... Which will keep me steady as I know I'll be earning (though not allot) a living, so I feel productive.

Now I shall away...as the ability to write anything interesting is pretty much null and void at this point. *lets out a soft chuckle* I shall refill my Nightmare Before Christmas Thermos with that warm coffee goodness and try to relax for a few hours while making sure Dad takes his meds.

And on that note, I bid thee anon...

-Adieu

As Promised...

Well, had a helluva day... Big Cat came out and we tried gettin' Dad up, but his legs were too weak... So we were left with only one choice; calling for help. So a Fire Truck and Fire Station ambulance showed up, along with 6 incredibly nice guys. They helped Dad get on his feet, onto a chair thingy that could go down the three small flights of stairs and out onto the sidewalk. Big Cat followed behind as I rode in the back with Dad on the way to the hospital.

Thankfully he was admitted right away (this was around 2:30pm) but it took some time for the doc to see him. After several long, tense hours, Marco came out after work to see how Dad and I were doing. I'm glad he also joined us, seein' as we didn't end up leaving until close to 9pm.

The doc concluded that Dad has Cirrhosis (hence his stomach and feet swelling and weight loss due to not being able to eat caused by the pressure on his tummy) so he wrote him 3 prescriptions; two different water pills and an anti nausea one just in case. He didn't think Dad's condition was bad enough to keep him there over night and that this is all treatable because we caught it before it did any real damage. (That's the short version; will still need to start looking for a specialist, which is just so effin' fantastic seeing as Dad's being dicked around by Medicare so we have to look into other outfits for help.)

So we all convoyed back to the apartment and Marco helped make sure Dad made it up the last small flight of stairs to our landing and we got him inside okay.

Dad's home safe and I'm currently spending the night at the Rabble Rouser Headquarters in Altadena to unwind. It wasn't me running away, I just needed to de-stress and breathe. Because let me tell ya... I'm just shy of a complete meltdown emotionally. It also doesn't help matters any that my body is dangerously close to its Monthly Self Destruct Sequence...

*lets out a soft sigh*

Now we know where to start, and I just gotta be on Dad's ass about taking care of himself. And I want him healthy again... I want my Dad back. I'm also strongly considering becoming his full time caretaker. Just gotta figure out how to do that and what I need to look at.

It wasn't the best news we could've received, but I already knew it was a possibility. I did my research right when this first got my attention and I immediately brought it up to him to open his eyes about the condition he was in and that this will kill him if not addressed as soon as possible.

So that was my day in a nutshell... Now, I'm going to vedge out and hopefully get some sleep...

-Adieu

It's time to move forward

In these quiet moments, the mind dances softly within a realm of twisting thoughts and fluttering memories. They speak softly, discreetly, whispers of forgotten yesterdays trailing off into an eternity. I sit back and feel this invisible dance so deep inside the winding passage ways hidden behind my eyes. I can feel them struggling to find a foothold, grasping desperately for a solution against the growing chaos that plagues them.

An energy sweeps through me, the gentle warning of an eternal storm readying itself for an attack. A roaring beast of tangled emotions... Powerful jaws unhinging, lips curling back as it bares terrible rows of dagger like teeth in a show of unimaginable rage.

I should be frightened by this monstrous creature dwelling within the darkness of my mind... But strangely, it comforts me. Knowing there is such a terrible force watching from the depths... A guardian created by the ID.

The anger that curls away from its massive form like hissing trails of smoke, is not directed toward me. It's preparing itself for war against something lying just on the outskirts of my internal sanctuary. A thing made of nightmares and pain... A demon known as depression.

The beast stands guard at the gates so deep inside, claws and teeth ready for the day a break is made in the wall and that demon tries to wiggle its way in...

*  *  *  *

*yawns and takes a hefty drink of her first cup of coffee* Yay for random magical prose O'Doom while half asleep. *smirks*

Man, I have been havin' some seriously Strange dreams these past few days. And even stranger still, I've been haunted by orbs of liquid blue/silver. And there isn't allot of speaking between us when we interact, not that there ever really is. (Hey now, mind outta the gutter :P) Well... Okay, you wouldn't be wrong about one interaction we had the other night in a weird dream but I'm definitely not about to share that here :P (It's about two pages long now and yes, I will finish it and when I do, I will share the link appropriately)

The theme in my dreamscapes recently have all been in the dead of night, in semi-familiar places and each time, I was just wandering around, aimless in my movements. I wasn't terrified or incredibly happy... I simply just, existed. Which has pretty much been my mindset for a few weeks now. A leaf at the mercy of the wind, being thrown, spinning, off into the unknown.

Not gunna lie to you... I'm just...here. I've had so much thrown at me emotionally that I think I've gone into 'robot' mode. Where the emotions tearing through me have been very quickly snuffed out. A part of me is shutting down so I can keep moving forward. An old defense mechanism that actually helps get me from point A to point B without having a nervous breakdown. It's definitely helpful, especially since I know that if I did let it get to me, I'd snap and possibly turn myself into a vegetable.

Among the chaos of emotions welling inside me, anger is defiantly at the forefront. It pushes the other, more dangerous emotions back, and keeps me level. A living fire coursing through my veins that's burning away the pain and depression from poisoning me. And to be honest, I've fought that poison for most of my adolescence and into my early years as an adult. I didn't want it then, and I sure as hell don't want it now. I don't have room for it. Period.

I remember how all these drugs were being thrown my way, which in my case, weren't truly addressing the root of the problem but masking it chemically. If anything, it made things worse...and decided that I was going to buck it up, and struggle through it myself naturally. And somehow, I made it. I eventually balanced out on my own. Sure, I can sometimes feel that poison starting to weasel its way in... But I know how to stop it before it gets its claws hooked into me. 

I'm thankful that I can do that now, mentally bitch-slap it into submission. I find ways to think around it, focusing on productive things that I know will be positive in the long run, and that tends to help. When things are rough, like they are right now, and I feel as though I might suffocate beneath all of this pressure... I force myself to be still, and focus on the things that need to be done. There's no room for self-defeat. It doesn't help or fix anything, no matter how broken I actually am inside. The only way to go, is up. And I will drag myself out of this, weak and bleeding if I have to.

Wow...talk about rambling goodness at its finest... *chuckles and shakes her head*

I very obviously have allot on my mind and right now, the energy is bristling anxiously for the moment I go down to the ER with Dad and my dear friend Big Cat (who is coming along for support. I can never convey how truly thankful I am that she'll be there) and get a Doc to look at him. I'm honestly Not afraid of what they might say, because I know instinctively, that this is all treatable. I just want him in there and finally getting better. My Dad has this amazing constitution and rarely ever gets sick. Once his body gets the help it needs, I know he'll bounce back quickly.

It's the waiting that has me on edge. I have this weirdness about me that internally, I tend to plan things out... And once I know how long Dad will be recovering, I can start to get to work on the things that need to be done. (Can you tell I'm anxious?)

*takes a deep breath and takes a hefty drink of her second cup of coffee*

I know I may have been repeating myself, saying the same phrases like a mantra, but it helps... Seeing myself write it out, reading it back to myself, it becomes more solid and gives me some small encouragement.

If I seem strong, or that I'm trying to come off that way... I'm really not. I feel completely and utterly beaten down and apart of me feels completely useless as a Daughter, Friend and Human Being. I'm not fishing for sympathy, nor am I looking for approval or admiration or anything of the sort. I'm just trying to do this right. I'm forcing myself to face all of this shit with my shoulders back and my chin up. My instinct is to get angry and fight back. Because it's not about me. This is about Family. And family Always comes first.

*lets out a growling sigh* Well, time to calm my anxious self down and start gettin' ready for noon. I will update when I know what's going on and have a chance to do so. I know I said I'd update the other night after work, but I just wasn't up to it. I apologize for that. So tonight, no matter how tired or crappy I'm feeling, you're getting an update. I owe you that much for taking time out of your day to read my blogs. *gives a small, weary smile*

-Adieu

Update O'Doom!

Sorting through these broken images, thoughts and dreams drifting along a ribbon made of memories... Swaying within the darkness of my mind, like a flag dancing in the dead of night. You can't see them, but they're there; a wordless song only I can hear.

*sighs* It's been a week or so since I've updated. I've had quite a bit going on...still do, I'm afraid.

Sent to me by my awesome friend Mikey XD

*takes a steadying breath before taking a hefty drink of her coffee*

I had a tooth issue that is now being resolved, which has helped ease my stress tremendously, but my biggest worries, the greatest weight of all... Is here at home.

My Father's health has continued to decline and I Am taking him to the Hospital on Thursday. I honestly have been on his ass since I came home from Illinois, but I knew then, that the only way he's going to get better, is if he got the medical attention he needs. I would've taken him today, which I still may do, but I honestly cannot miss work when it's few and far between. It may not be much, but it's something and I'm not just working for me. I'm going to make sure that he's emotionally prepared for being in the Hospital for awhile. Logically, he's finally ready. I just know that right now, he needs my support.

The plan is to get a doc to see him, get him admitted so he can start healing, and we've already discussed bills and the like while he's there. And, while he's there getting the care he needs, I'm free to Finally do some Major cleaning around the apartment (something I've been hankering to do, and now will be able to without worrying about my Dad). I want this place to look Amazing when he gets home. Which also means...I may need some help doing so.

There is old furniture I've been DESPERATE to get rid of for awhile now and Dad finally said it was okay to do so, which I'm Extremely ecstatic about. I've been wanting to get rid of our old Couch and his ancient and VERY Dead comfy chair for Ages. There will be so much more room... And I plan on doing just about every piece of laundry I can find (I'm planning a very Long day at the laundry mat) getting them clean, and the clothes I honestly No Longer Need, will be very quickly disposed of at the nearest Good Will.

When my Dad comes home, finally feeling better, he's going to come home to a new place. I'm actually really excited about it.

And this will all be done before July 29th (Because I'll need to get my ass to the airport the next day by 3pm). What I also need, and already talked to Dad about and He's Okay with it (Finally got through to that Thick Polish head of his) is if some of my very Dear and Wonderful Friends (Who are more like Family to me) Could call and check on him while I'm gone for two weeks, and maybe offer to swing by to see if he needs anything. I'll have my cell on at all times while I'm in Illinois, even if there's a 2 hour difference, doesn't matter what time it is, I'd love to be updated on how he's doing. By not only Him, but the wonderful souls who'd be willing to make sure My Dad, and my Boys (Pez and Gir) are okay. Another reason why I mention this, is because management was actually really nice about letting us know they'll be conducting Their yearly Inspection sometime in August. Hence why I'm adamant about tearing this place apart and making it look like a brand new home before I go.

Dad, as of right this moment, cannot do it. Period. But that's okay. I want him to relax and get better, so I can do what I need to do at home and things will definitely look up.

I can't let myself spiral downward, emotionally. I don't have a choice. And would that help? *shakes her head* So you see my point. And, well... I'm just as pig-headed and stubborn as my Father, so this Will get better. 

I've already lost two of the four most Important Men in my life... My Mickey, and my Deda in the same year. I refuse to lose my Father when I Know he's supposed to be around for many years to come. No, he's not young anymore, but he's only 65 (which to me is still young) and I'll be damned if I sit idly by when I know I can do something about it.

As much as we get on each others nerves and tend to crack heads in petty arguments, he's my Dad. He's also one of my best friends. I'm going to make damned sure he's well again.

*takes another deep breath and another drink of her coffee O'doom*

Yes I'm stressed out... But I gotta push it aside, stop worrying over it so much and instead, focus on doing something about it. I am cursed with forever being the optimist, so why stop now? Besides, if I Know it's going to get better, it will. End of story.

Alright my lovelies, I have to finish my coffee consumption of doom and start getting ready for work today. Thankfully I don't have to leave until 11:00am, so I've got a bit of time left to relax. I'll be sure to write more later when I get home after 6pm :)

-Adieu

Healing Dreams

Tears sting, unshed, along my lash line at the thought of where I was before I woke. For the first time, in a long time it seems, my true escape, the place I was safe and loved... Was in my dreams. Though I was at a loss emotionally, though my heart felt as though it was caving into itself... Loved ones appeared and took me away, held me and made sure I was okay. That I wasn't alone... I felt whole... Even if it wasn't real...it Felt Real. I felt Loved.

And when I woke, I struggled desperately to go back to that safe place, but the lines had been severed and I was trapped in consciousness. And I felt lost...and Angry, so very angry...

I dragged my sluggish form through my small home and proceeded to make a strong pot of coffee, in hopes that rich caffeine would help clear away the sorrow filling my chest like an unwelcome fog.

I sat and waited, listening to the gurgling sounds of the pot starting up, heating the water that would filter through the hefty amount of coffee grounds I placed inside. I listened to the sounds of a jack hammer grinding feverishly into broken cement in the distance, workers set on getting through the concrete to old pipes below. I feel for them. Not an easy job.

As I waited for the coffee to fill the carafe, I checked Facebook, more of a distraction than anything else. Too many thoughts dancing around the dreams of the night before... Of the safety and warmth I so desperately need... Wishing it wasn't gone... Wishing I didn't wake into a harsh reality where the world is too bright and too loud. A place I'm starting to despise...

I want to go back, to those strong arms that held me. A dear friend who I've never seen face to face, but seems to come to me in my dreams when I'm truly lost. And that's all it is between us; friendship. Family. Not the Muse, but the man who Inspired the Muse with those haunting blue fire orbs. He seemed worried, and though was busy, had one of his friends who I recognize, come and find me in a sea of faceless strangers. I remember him finally seeing me as I walked along side his friend toward him. I was just merely there, slightly confused at what was happening... When the next thing I know, I see the concern in those soulful brown eyes and suddenly find myself being pulled into a protective embrace. It was just a Hug... My face buried against his chest with his strong arms wrapped securely around me. I could feel his warmth and heard his heart beat...and knew, I was safe. That's all I truly needed...and in my dream, as Real as it seemed... He gave that to me. Unspoken understanding that I was not alone.

The dream changed but the people remained, and there were others surrounding me, distracting me with their warmth and cheerful smiles. It was an escape from this cold, hard reality I can't seem to get away from.

It's surprising how twisted my dreams have been as of late. First they're attacking me with unseen horrors... And then last night, being surrounded by family...by love.

No wonder I'm all screwed up. *sighs and takes a hefty drink of her strong coffee*

I'm trying to suss out the chaos dancing through the endless catacombs of my mind, trying to file them away and make sense of these...emotions...tearing through my blood like venom. I suppose I was long over do for a moment of temporary insanity. When I've been doing so well, staying positive and keeping my head up.

It's hard...it really is. But honestly, it's just a small hiccup and will level out, like it always does. Think of a inactive volcano that's been sitting there, silently and eerily calm... And out of nowhere, releases an earthquake that shakes everyone up... Only to go back to being its sleeping self. Just a bit of build up that needed venting. Nothing too serious to worry over. But there is that nagging in the back of the mind... That one day it Will erupt, and when it does... It will be devastating.

I'm hoping that I never will.

I'm just going to push those worries aside and focus on ways of being productive. Nothing gets done when you just worry about it. So gotta focus, distract myself on things that will be good in the long run. One step at a time.

No matter how much the volcano of emotions inside me are warning me that they will explode. Not gunna happen. I can't afford it. I don't have a choice. Gotta keep going, pushing forward, no matter how much I want to break.

Then again, if I did... I wouldn't know how to stop moving. Must be the Gypsy in me *chuckles softly and takes another drink of her coffee* Not the thieving, lying kind... The always Moving kind, the Nomadic side. I could just call it the Wolf in me. Nature's Nomads. And I definitely feel it walking with me...

*sighs* I need more coffee... My thoughts are too scattered and I definitely feel like a zombuh.

Just know that I'm okay...mostly. Shit happens and you keep going. Don't really have much of a choice.

-Adieu

::WARNING:: Vent

::DISCLAIMER::

The words you are about to read are simply a means of release.
In this Blog you will Find Strong Language and Adult Content.
May Not Be Suitable For Sensitive Readers.
Viewer Discretion Is Advised.

*  *  *  *

There's a horrific tension in my chest, suffocating and squeezing the sanity out of me until I'm left gasping. I want to scream out, howl my frustration into the darkness, calling out to be saved... But no sound comes... No one will know of this pain I bear... This unimaginable weight bearing down, crushing the life out of me.

And there's no option for giving up. I've fought too long and too hard to get to where I am now, and I'm bleeding from my fingertips as I claw in desperation for a way out from under all of this debris I'm buried under.

I struggle to express my thoughts, these broken fragments of an unwanted reality I don't want any part of. I guess it's true what they say... It can always get worse. But god damn it, I will Not let that happen. Fuck the Powers That Be, they can kiss my big stubborn ass if they think I'm going to break Now. Not after everything I've lived through... 

You've already taken so much from me... Thrown so much shit in my face. You think I'm just gunna lay down and what? Give up?

You can go Straight to Hell.

I am not weak. I may be emotionally beat to hell and dragging a broken body along this twisting path you've set before me, but it doesn't mean I'm just going to stop. Heh... Fuck You. You Hear Me? I don't give two shits if I'm talking to the Fates themselves. Fuck_You.

I Bow To No One. Period.

I'm so sick of trying to keep myself from drowning, to keep myself positive when all I want to do is roar and break everything within a ten foot radius. I'm at that point where I just want to watch the world Burn...

...and laugh as the flames dance like hell fire in my eyes.

*growls* Not in a good mood... Pissed off at the fact that I fell apart earlier.

Stressed out? Me? *lets out a dark chuckle* How'd ya guess?

Gotta love creative prose... A means to release the rage...

Not enough...not even close.

I want to cut myself open and tear this beating traitor from my chest. 

All it does is Burn...

*clenches her jaws and lets out a frustrated growl* I need to get out...and drink until the animal calms the fuck down. Because tonight...well...obviously isn't my idea of a good time.

*sits back and growls softly*

...I need a hug...

-Stalks Off-