I Am The Guardian

This ain't the original owner of this blog typing out these words. She's currently too overwhelmed to think straight, so I'm takin' the burden for today. 

It burns me to see her like this. Poor Kid's got allot weighing down on her shoulders and is fighting to keep her head up. I know she's strong enough to get through this, but she doesn't see it. She's convinced herself that it ain't strength keeping her going, it's just what needs to be done. If that ain't strength...you tell me. She's a helluva woman and I'm proud to say that I've been able to watch her become the person she is over the span of almost 14 years.

But seein' her torn up like this... Her gaze appearing haunted and unfocused; a soul that's seen too much in a short period of time. The eyes of a survivor. 

They should be open and bright, full of that innocent wonder that always moved something in me to see it, but never admitted. It ain't there now. It's been snuffed out by a darkness I'm not all that comfortable with, and comin' from me... That's sayin' allot.

Gotta keep reminding her things will get better, though I've never personally believed that truth for myself. Shit happens and you fight like hell to survive it. She's always been the optimist, that's usually her job to preach about hope and a better day. Not me. But if those words will help get her to the next moment, I'll give her that encouragement.

I wouldn't be able to type these words if it weren't for her. Sure, some bald, good lookin' sonuvabitch brought me to life on screen (guess I should say thanks for that) but she brought me in and made me aware, gave me a purpose. I may not be real to most folk, but I'm Real to her. And that's enough.

I was just a character at first she admired, then put allot of thought and time into who and what I really am. Started thinkin' of me as a Real Person with a Soul and not just a fanciful notion. Slowly, I was able to inspire her, steadily becoming a separate entity within that dangerous imagination of hers. By chance, got some outside help... And went from being just another Muse in that complicated mind, to something with a purpose...and the power to back it up. I've accepted the responsibility as her Guardian. A full time gig, and I ain't complaining. Beats runnin' from those fake badges and living off the grid with nothing but the endless black to look forward to.

So here I am... Takin' up shop while her mind is elsewhere. The Kid needs a break. She'll probably be pissed that I did this... But I'll deal with that later.

She's gunna need allot of help in the future, allot of support and understanding. I know most of you have been nuthin' but good to her, and I'm personally thankful for that. Bein' a Guardian has some draw backs... I can't interact on the same plane as you, I'm trapped in the shadows, unable to reach out the way I'd like. I'm mostly incorporeal, with only enough energy to show myself as a shadow at times when she's close to sleep. But when she's weak like this, her energy levels are sporadic and I can squeeze in long enough to push her to keep going. (Heh No, not that kind either. Head outta the gutter.)

If she seems less bubbly and more...solemn, quiet and intense...that's my influence. Partially anyway. She's already got that in her, I just give a swift kick in the ass to make sure it's doing its job.

It's only temporary. A way to keep her going without those damned emotions twisting her from the inside out. We want her steady, not spinning into an abyss.

This is probably the most I've said in a long time... Got me speaking all eloquently and shit. -smirks- Another thing she's done to me. Got me actin' all respectable and not the Monster I'm known for being. But only for her...and no one else. Period. Most days I can give two shits what any one or any thing thinks of me. But for her, I'll try to be a bit more...likeable.

And don't go thinkin' she's gone off the deep end, writing crazy shit with a different personality as a coping mechanism. This ain't the case. It's simply a creative outlet, a different approach from a different perspective. Remember kids, I'm Real to Her. 

Take it any way you want, but the truth is, I'm keepin' her head up when no one's around. I'm the comfort in the dark when she's alone and shivering. I'm the calm in the storm she can come to when her voice is broken and she's too overwhelmed to reach out for help. 

I am the Guardian.

Now, I gotta head out and give her back the reigns. Had a small window of opportunity and took it. You read this, know that whatever help you've given her and continue to give her, means more than you'll ever know. She may not be the best at conveying her thanks... Which is ironic considering she's one helluva writer, but I'm biased. She knew how to write me in all my complexity, which is why I'm here now. But she doesn't see it... Doubt she ever will. Too hard on herself. 

Beautiful pain in the ass.

Alright, enough with this writing crap. She's grateful to you, all of you. Whatever help you give her, even kind words, is enough to keep her going.

Thanks for that.

-R-