The world is comfortable, safe even... You feel weightless, drifting through the landscape of your own creation, knowing that here, you're free. Characters in this play all know your name, you don't feel the insecurities of everyday reality. There's a freedom here, a place you know you can come to whenever you close your eyes...
Until the heartbeat skips a beat, blood flowing at a normal pace through the veins, causing your breathing to hitch and forcing you to take a deep breath... Tearing you away from that safe, warm place. Your eyes flutter open, a groan trapped in the back of your throat as sunlight bleeds through the cracks in the blinds covering your windows. Another soft groan resonates in your chest and you try to shift to a new position against your bed, and once semi comfortable, drifting back to the safety of dreams... A pressure stabs at your midsection. Your body warning you that you must pay homage to the porcelain gods.
So with a low growl, you drag yourself from your bed and shuffle from one room to another, heading toward the bathroom with resentment in your wake.
And than, if you're anything like me... Drag yourself through the house in a Zombie-like haze, get your coffee on and sit your grumpy ass down at the computer to write about the magicalness of being dragged out of a decent sleep by your body warning you that your internal plumbing is close to bursting. *chuckles and sips her coffee O doom*
No Nightmares, which is fantastic. I tend to have more than a few during the week, sometimes it's a short segment of a Nightmare that bleeds into a new dream, getting cut off before it gets out of hand and I struggle to claw myself back to consciousness with my heart trying to crawl its way out of my throat. And those are the ones that could make very interesting stories...
*yawns and looks into her now empty coffee mug* One moment... I needs me s'more magical caffeine goodness ^_^ *shuffles toward kitchen o doom*
And now I wait, as the microwave sends waves of radioactive goodness into the water in my cup, cooking it from the inside out, and once that beep sounds I shall wander back into the depths of my tiny kitchen to mix up another strong cup of insta-coffee o doom and return to write down s'more entertaining rambling goodness ^_^
*Hears the DING* Yay! *scampers off*
And...I'm back ^_^ Coffee goodness has been achieved and now I can ramble on in a goofy fashion ^_^
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| Image Created By Me; Onyx Wildcat |
Now... What else to muse about?
How about... Anger.
The kind you hold down, keep caged, knowing that to allow a breech will do nothing good in the long run. So you hold the Animal at bay, cooing to it with soft reassurances that it's not time yet. Gotta stay calm, be still. Remain silent. It snarls its irritation but obeys, waiting impatiently for that opportunity of release... The moment you can't keep it restrained, blind sided by too many emotions all at once, allowing it to burst from its cage and come roaring to the surface like Fenrir snapping his chains.
My Anger has been silent for quite some time... Waiting, watching. Scrutinizing every detail of its surroundings while plotting its attack. Its been thrumming with energy, growing steadily everyday as I try to trudge onward through this sanity-testing existence.
But recently... The cracks have been left open, allowing the Animal to push its nose against the breach, jaws hung agape as it tastes the scent of freedom flowing in from the other side. Something has changed in the energy surrounding its living cage, a curious thing that causes it to be still.
Suddenly the walls of its tomb break and fall away, leaving it standing within darkness...
It takes a careful step forward, waiting to be thrown back into its cage... But nothing happens. Intrigued, it continues in its calculated movements, drawn to a sliver of soft golden light in the distance, like a beacon shimmering through a storm.
As it approaches, the sliver becomes brighter, and realizes its a door...left open. Cautiously, it presses its muzzle against the handle, a slight bump, and the door swings out.
Pain stings the light sensitive depths like delicate needles as the Animal fights to readjust to the brightness of the new room.
As the agony ebbs and fades away, its able to focus once more...and realizes there's someone standing within that all-consuming glow.
It takes a moment for the brain to register the shadowed silhouette is a kindred soul... And feels a surge of adrenaline when a familiar face peers into its deadly gaze with a grin.
A soft lull echoing all around them muses, "Let's play."
* * *
So in short, the anger I generally bury and keep hidden, is now sleeping just beneath the surface, calmly waiting for that moment...when I call its name.
Why I've allowed the breach, the rise of the Beast... Is due to the exhaustion of being warn down by painful words when I should be protecting myself. I'm tired of hiding. Tired of being attacked by honey coated daggers that are left embedded in my flesh. Life is too short to be run over by those who think they can. Those who've become far too comfortable in their tyranny against others. Believing they can push people around because no one has the backbone to face them and put them in their place.
Well, I'm tired of cowering in fear. I am Not going to be a thing to disrespect and emotionally batter due to someone's immature behavior.
This, 'I'm going to Hurt you because you've Hurt me' schoolyard attitude is unacceptable. And I will no longer tolerate it. I have tried to show you the utmost respect and care for your well being...and at my lowest, you spat your childless resentment back in my face. You reveled in it like a god damned bully hurting someone physically weaker than you.
*grows a very unpleasant smile* You're about to learn that I am indeed, Not Weak. And that now, after all the emotions tore through me like a homicidal hurricane...something, simply... Snapped. All those buried energies were released, the debris washed away and I am once again able to peer at the world no longer broken and fragmented...but Whole. Emotions intact. The only difference this time...after so many years... That Anger I'd buried within the depths of my psyche... I've willingly released. No longer separate; two parts of one whole torn apart by fear and pain. Now living as a single energy, waiting for that window of opportunity to put you in your place.
And honestly... I can't wait for the moment I throw you off your high horse and watch you land, head first, eating the very same dirt you rubbed in my face.
'Treat Others, As You, Yourself, Want To Be Treated' It seems I need to refresh your memory on what that phrase actually means...
*Smirks and sips her coffee*
And on that magical note of doom, *soft chuckle* I shall bid thee anon and see what kind of shenanigans I can get myself into...
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| YAY!! Shenanigans!!! |
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