Magical Caffeinated Musings O Doom!

 *drags herself around the apartment like a Thriller Zombie Reject looking for her brain*

Morning... *yawns* 

Damn...I am Very tired this morning. Falling asleep was a little easier, seein' as I found my lil MP3, charged it, put a few new songs on it and decided to listen to music when I got into bed. I used to listen to music every time I went to bed because it helped me sleep and the music would bleed into my dreams. Sometimes it would create a whole new atmosphere, which was always entertaining.

*takes a hefty sip of her coffee o doom* 

Last night, I proceeded to use a new song list;

Johnny Cash's 'The Beast In Me' 

Mark Lanegan's Cover of 'The Beast In Me'

'Sora' from Escaflowne (A song my wonderful Mel sent me many years ago)

'Lil Red Riding Hood' Cover by Laura Gibson (From the car commercial)

Jen Titus, 'O'Death' (From Supernatural)  

Ellie Goulding, 'Hanging On' (without the Rap, heard on the God Of War Ascension Trailer)

Sarah Fimm, 'Be What You Want To Be'

All Haunting songs... And Man, talk about some strange dreams. I fell asleep to Cash's Soul Wrenching Voice, and Woke up to it lol

And yes, there's a bit of a 'Theme' goin' on here... I'm surprised I didn't dream of Werewolves lol *chuckles and chugs down the last bit of her coffee*

Strangely, I've been itching to write a Supernatural FanFiction... Not a warm'n'fuzzy 'what if' kind either. Something twisted, dark and skin crawling. The kind that makes you want to Hug the closest thing to you and watch something happy. *grins* 

I'm still scribbling down notes for that 'Epic Dream' I had recently, and let me tell ya... It's seriously Creepy. It's definitely got the Aliens feel to it.

*  *  *

Just imagine you're consumed in darkness, metal conduits lining the steel walls like metallic veins inside a sleeping beast. Your breath is ragged as you walk slowly, carefully along the metal grating. Your boots feeling heavier with every step, your mind is racing as a strange fog begins to pool along the deck. It pulses and swirls, an eerie glow dancing within its misty form as if it's consuming any source of light it encounters. As though its alive...floating just inches off the deck, making you want to stop and turn back, to get as far away as you can. But where would you go? Held within the depths of an outer rim space station, an old structure long since abandoned... Trapped like a lifeless satellite orbiting aimlessly beside a nearby planet. There's only the walls of man-made reinforced steel between you and that unforgiving darkness. Nothing more than a spec of life within the black.

Wrap your brain around that for a second. Imagine the overwhelming sense of helplessness... The spine chilling truth that you have No Control. That if there's even the smallest breach...everything would Stop. But it wouldn't be a quick death... Your heart hitches at the thought of feeling your organs trying to escape your body all at once... Not to mention your blood vessels exploding inside your veins. Such a horrifically Painful death... You swallow down the hard lump in the back of your throat and shake your head, trying to rid yourself of those terrifying thoughts.

You decide to push forward, continue your journey through the unknown bowels of the station, as if a wordless voice is calling to you from somewhere in the distance... Beckoning your presence. You don't know why you're being pulled into the darkness when a chill is dancing along your spine. A primitive knowing that not everything is as it seems. You even fight off the images of Dead Space and Event Horizon, thinking that this isn't a Movie... Shit like that doesn't happen. But than you remember LV-426... You suddenly remember those Obsidian Shadows coming out of the walls... 

Wait... The very same Creatures that blended into their surroundings... Appearing like nothing more than Metallic Piping you'd see inside a ship.

That's when your heart jumps into your throat and you completely halt in your footsteps.

*  *  *To Be Continued*  *  *

Creepy, right? *grins* And on that note... I needs me s'more coffee goodness... So I can return a lil while later and continue telling you about that Dream ;)

*Waves*

-Adieu

Coffee, Music and Musings ^_^

Good Morrow muh luvlies ^_^

I don't know if there's anything awesome to talk about other than the randomness that dances through my mind like a group of hyper squirrels foraging for nuts in a giant ball pit. 

*chuckles*

Maybe it's due to the fact that it's such a Gorgeous day today. The sun is shining, warm golden light pouring over a colorful landscape as birds sing within the safety of the treetops. Feeling the warmth of the sun bleeding in through the blinds as a cool breeze whispers past; a gentle hint of magnolia mixed with the crisp scent of sea salt. The aroma of Spring. 

It brings a quiet smile to my lips... I love it ^_^

Oh, Random Thought!

Really? Cuz I like Cheese!! O.o

 *chuckles'n'shakes her head*

Do you ever stop and find yourself fascinated with something you generally use everyday and never truly think twice about? 

Like our Thumbs for instance... We have them, like most other species of Animal, and like some species, they're opposable.

Do you ever stop, even for a moment and wonder... What life would be like if they weren't? Or if you never had any at all? Do you ever wonder how you would adjust or adapt without such simple yet complex part of your hand?

Texting alone, would be pretty difficult, don't you think? Such a simple part of the hand and yet they (thumbs) are so very crucial in our everyday lives that we never stop... And think of how wonderful it is...to have been born with opposable thumbs.

A random thought, but one that can take hold of you and make your mind wander on the endless possibilities of what one could go through without them.

Thumbs... An interesting feature we all have and never truly appreciate. Definitely something worth thinking about ;)

After that cuteness O Doom... I think I shall venture forth and find interesting things and shtuff...or sumfin'...and junk... Oo

lol

-Adieu

Is Odin Trying to Tell Me Something?

You ever have one of those, “What in the hell…” moments?

I just had one of those… Like the universe just slapped a post it note on my forehead that reads, ‘TADA!’

Here’s why…

For you see, I’ve always written about a Massive Beast… Guardian of an Abyss. And just recently wrote the following;

I stand my ground as it approaches me; massive head craning down to bring its powerful jaws to my small hand. I can feel its hot breath enveloping my skin, the delicate hairs bristle and stand on end as Goosebumps rise along my flesh. I can feel the thrum of its life force dancing into my pores, trickling through the muscle and bone…flooding my veins.

I fight the urge to catch my breath, knowing I need to be still, knowing this is a test. My hand remains out stretched as those razor sharp canines fill my sight, the jaws partially open, as if considering a bite. But I refuse to show fear, refuse to back away. I have just this moment…this is the role I have to play.

An offering of complete trust, so fragile and delicate before this immense power, given form in the guise of a monstrous beast.

I’ve also written about it being ‘Restrained’ or ‘Caged’ and about it wanting to break free. That it’s not out to hurt Me, but Protect Me. 

(Keep following along, it gets even stranger)

So…I had this dream a few years ago (That never made any sense) where I was standing at the bottom of the cliffs near my home overseeing the Pacific, when I opened my arms and ‘Willed’ Some Thing from the depths. As I did this, the head of a Snake emerged from the ocean (You ever see the New Queen Mary? Ya, just it’s HEAD was That Big) and it was peering down at me as it started to rise…and rise…and rise… It seemed endless as it ascended into the heavens while thousands upon thousands of Snakes, of all kinds, began to sliver away from the Ocean, passing me and going further inland. 

I remember people panicking and running to get the hell outta dodge when a voice exclaimed, “By The Gods…what have you done?”

I turned and there was one male human, standing between Two Human-like Werewolves who stood at least 6’8, wearing clothes, all sharing  the same horrified expression on their faces.

I remembering feeling a sense of Sadistic Justice, and with a maniacal grin on my face I purred, “Don’t worry…it’s just Leviathan.”

And than I woke up.

Here’s where it gets really strange…

I’m slightly familiar with Norse mythology, but I’ve never truly known who Fenrir was. Recently, I’ve been seeing that name allot and have felt a pull to do some research on him.

I was floored by what I’d found.

1st Excerpt; “Norse mythology, a monstrous wolf who was a major threat to the gods until they found a way to chain him, using a magic fetter. The name Fenrir means "from the swamp." Also known as the Fenriswolf, he was the offspring of the trickster fire god Loki. His sister was the goddess Hel and his brother the evil serpent Jormungand.”

2nd Except; “Fenrir was suspicious because of the thinness of the band. The gods agreed to free him if he could not break out of the fetter himself, but Fenrir was still reluctant to have it put on him. He asked that someone put their hand into his mouth as a pledge that the gods were acting in good faith. 

None of the gods was willing to take such a risk, knowing full well the deceit, but then Tyr stepped forward and put his right hand into the wolf's mouth, making the sacrifice that would keep the gods safe. Fenrir was bound with Gleipnir, and he tried with all his might but could not snap it. The gods laughed to see the wolf's distress--except for Tyr: Fenrir closed his mouth on Tyr's hand at the wrist.”

 (You can go to the Original post Here)

So…strange about my ‘Beast in Chains, hand offering’ writing… Even creepier is Dreaming of that Damned Snake, and only a few hours ago…learning about Fenrir’s Brother and I found a picture that ran chills throughout my body of the Serpent known as Jormungand

 What do you think? Weird, right?

Cuz honestly… I got nuthin’

-Adieu

"Insert Catchy Title Of Doom"

The world is comfortable, safe even... You feel weightless, drifting through the landscape of your own creation, knowing that here, you're free. Characters in this play all know your name, you don't feel the insecurities of everyday reality. There's a freedom here, a place you know you can come to whenever you close your eyes...

Until the heartbeat skips a beat, blood flowing at a normal pace through the veins, causing your breathing to hitch and forcing you to take a deep breath... Tearing you away from that safe, warm place. Your eyes flutter open, a groan trapped in the back of your throat as sunlight bleeds through the cracks in the blinds covering your windows. Another soft groan resonates in your chest and you try to shift to a new position against your bed, and once semi comfortable, drifting back to the safety of dreams... A pressure stabs at your midsection. Your body warning you that you must pay homage to the porcelain gods.

So with a low growl, you drag yourself from your bed and shuffle from one room to another, heading toward the bathroom with resentment in your wake.

And than, if you're anything like me... Drag yourself through the house in a Zombie-like haze, get your coffee on and sit your grumpy ass down at the computer to write about the magicalness of being dragged out of a decent sleep by your body warning you that your internal plumbing is close to bursting. *chuckles and sips her coffee O doom*

No Nightmares, which is fantastic. I tend to have more than a few during the week, sometimes it's a short segment of a Nightmare that bleeds into a new dream, getting cut off before it gets out of hand and I struggle to claw myself back to consciousness with my heart trying to crawl its way out of my throat. And those are the ones that could make very interesting stories...

*yawns and looks into her now empty coffee mug* One moment... I needs me s'more magical caffeine goodness ^_^ *shuffles toward kitchen o doom*

And now I wait, as the microwave sends waves of radioactive goodness into the water in my cup, cooking it from the inside out, and once that beep sounds I shall wander back into the depths of my tiny kitchen to mix up another strong cup of insta-coffee o doom and return to write down s'more entertaining rambling goodness ^_^ 

*Hears the DING* Yay! *scampers off*

And...I'm back ^_^ Coffee goodness has been achieved and now I can ramble on in a goofy fashion ^_^

Image Created By Me; Onyx Wildcat

Now... What else to muse about? 

How about... Anger.

The kind you hold down, keep caged, knowing that to allow a breech will do nothing good in the long run. So you hold the Animal at bay, cooing to it with soft reassurances that it's not time yet. Gotta stay calm, be still. Remain silent. It snarls its irritation but obeys, waiting impatiently for that opportunity of release... The moment you can't keep it restrained, blind sided by too many emotions all at once, allowing it to burst from its cage and come roaring to the surface like Fenrir snapping his chains.

My Anger has been silent for quite some time... Waiting, watching. Scrutinizing every detail of its surroundings while plotting its attack. Its been thrumming with energy, growing steadily everyday as I try to trudge onward through this sanity-testing existence. 

But recently... The cracks have been left open, allowing the Animal to push its nose against the breach, jaws hung agape as it tastes the scent of freedom flowing in from the other side. Something has changed in the energy surrounding its living cage, a curious thing that causes it to be still.

Suddenly the walls of its tomb break and fall away, leaving it standing within darkness...

It takes a careful step forward, waiting to be thrown back into its cage... But nothing happens. Intrigued, it continues in its calculated movements, drawn to a sliver of soft golden light in the distance, like a beacon shimmering through a storm.

As it approaches, the sliver becomes brighter, and realizes its a door...left open. Cautiously, it presses its muzzle against the handle, a slight bump, and the door swings out.

Pain stings the light sensitive depths like delicate needles as the Animal fights to readjust to the brightness of the new room.

As the agony ebbs and fades away, its able to focus once more...and realizes there's someone standing within that all-consuming glow.

It takes a moment for the brain to register the shadowed silhouette is a kindred soul... And feels a surge of adrenaline when a familiar face peers into its deadly gaze with a grin.

A soft lull echoing all around them muses, "Let's play."

*  *  *

So in short, the anger I generally bury and keep hidden, is now sleeping just beneath the surface, calmly waiting for that moment...when I call its name.

Why I've allowed the breach, the rise of the Beast... Is due to the exhaustion of being warn down by painful words when I should be protecting myself. I'm tired of hiding. Tired of being attacked by honey coated daggers that are left embedded in my flesh. Life is too short to be run over by those who think they can. Those who've become far too comfortable in their tyranny against others. Believing they can push people around because no one has the backbone to face them and put them in their place.

Well, I'm tired of cowering in fear. I am Not going to be a thing to disrespect and emotionally batter due to someone's immature behavior. 

This, 'I'm going to Hurt you because you've Hurt me' schoolyard attitude is unacceptable. And I will no longer tolerate it. I have tried to show you the utmost respect and care for your well being...and at my lowest, you spat your childless resentment back in my face. You reveled in it like a god damned bully hurting someone physically weaker than you.

*grows a very unpleasant smile* You're about to learn that I am indeed, Not Weak. And that now, after all the emotions tore through me like a homicidal hurricane...something, simply... Snapped. All those buried energies were released, the debris washed away and I am once again able to peer at the world no longer broken and fragmented...but Whole. Emotions intact. The only difference this time...after so many years... That Anger I'd buried within the depths of my psyche... I've willingly released. No longer separate; two parts of one whole torn apart by fear and pain. Now living as a single energy, waiting for that window of opportunity to put you in your place.

And honestly... I can't wait for the moment I throw you off your high horse and watch you land, head first, eating the very same dirt you rubbed in my face.

'Treat Others, As You, Yourself, Want To Be Treated' It seems I need to refresh your memory on what that phrase actually means...

*Smirks and sips her coffee*

And on that magical note of doom, *soft chuckle* I shall bid thee anon and see what kind of shenanigans I can get myself into...

YAY!! Shenanigans!!!

-Adieu

Poetic Goodness, Random Girl Scout Cookie Shenanigans and Gir Dancin' like a Munkee!

Time slithers and sways, a broken record of forgotten yesterdays… We reach out a hand, careful and cautious, wondering if the guard-dog of fate will snap at our fingertips. Terrified in the knowledge that we don’t know what to expect as the beast stands before us, a vessel of the universe, glaring down into our souls making us realize how truly small we really are.

But this beast I do not fear. A child’s innocence has led me here. I willingly walk forward and offer my hand, knowing those dagger like teeth could tear my dreams away in a single bite. There’s an eerie calm in this moment, surrounded in darkness as I gaze into the eyes of time itself, made flesh by the energy of endless starlight.

I stand my ground as it approaches me; massive head craning down to bring its powerful jaws to my small hand. I can feel its hot breath enveloping my skin, the delicate hairs bristle and stand on end as Goosebumps rise along my flesh. I can feel the thrum of its life force dancing into my pores, trickling through the muscle and bone…flooding my veins.

I fight the urge to catch my breath, knowing I need to be still, knowing this is a test. My hand remains out stretched as those razor sharp canines fill my sight, the jaws partially open, as if considering a bite. But I refuse to show fear, refuse to back away. I have just this moment…this is the role I have to play.

An offering of complete trust, so fragile and delicate before this immense power, given form in the guise of a monstrous beast.

Without warning…everything seems to stop.

The world becomes muted, nothing more than white noise trapped in the background. I take a single breath and before I can release it, my hand is nudged by a cold nose pressing up into my palm.

A smile curves my lips as the beast appears to bow before me, lowering its massive form to my level so I can run my hand along its muzzle and gently brush my fingertips through the finely placed hairs between its brow. Such a frighteningly beautiful creature, allowing me this precious moment of affection. A gift from standing vulnerable before the fates, a show of trust by an innocent soul…

And in turn, I was given an offering of Peace…

In that moment we had bonded…

Finding Hope within the Darkness…

Protected, made Safe...in the Eyes of the Beast.

Wolf Eyes by FullmetalFox

-Fades to Black-

*  *  *  *

Yay for random poetic, story goodness as I struggle to wake from my zombie like state ^_^ *chuckles and sips coffee-goodness*

Even though I'm very much a Thriller Video Reject (that's a fun visual, no? lol) I made sure to be productive and as soon as I was able, I sat myself down and started writing. There really wasn't any internal debate about it, I just made myself do it. Didn't over think it, didn't feel blocked or worried that it wouldn't come out well... 

Maybe getting myself motivated to write something every day, no matter the length, is allowing even more unwanted mental debris to be washed away. And I'll tell you one thing... I definitely feel better for it. *grows a small smile*

So....yesterday went well ^_^ Considering I was runnin' on fumes when I woke myself at that ungodly hour of 5am. But it was a good day, so that's somethin'. Also became the Leader of a small band of adorable Girl Scouts as they sold cookies. Didn't take too long for me to get them to exclaim the following, "Our Girl Scout Cookies are made of Real Girl Scouts!" *chuckles* 

No wonder I was Called Wednesday... *grins*

Me and the Minions even discussed how that was possible... Ya see, the Brownies that never made it to actual Girl Scout due to poor selling techniques were put to good use...by becoming next years batch of Cookies *laughs* 

I got away with this epic silliness because I informed them, that I too, had been a Girl Scout. They were awesome ^_^

All in all, the day went pretty groovy. Looking forward to going back for a few Pre-Faire classes before the season starts on April 6th.

Also gotta make sure I have an income set up before hand, which is also in the works. Should learn more about that in a few days. So with the possibility of a new job, volunteering/working in Renn-Faire this year, Two Trips planned, finally getting my GED after years of being unable to and getting my ass back into school for a Bachelors Degree... Not to mention writing everyday, so that I can get myself motivated creatively to start writing something Original (more for myself than anything else) and also start recording more Vlog type Videos, editing them and getting them uploaded on my YouTube channel every week... 

Should be fun ^_^

*chuckles'n'shakes her head*

Alright muh lovelies, time to scamper off to wake up that damned hamster in my head so it can get the wheel moving and I can no longer wander about as a zombuh :P

-Adieu

It's morning...where's the Gorramed Sun?!?

So it's early... *chuckles and sips her coffee* And the reason to Why I'm up at this Ungodly Hour of the Morning, to which at any other time I would be more than likely face-planting in an epic fashion... Is due to the fact that I have to be up, dressed, all bright'n'shiny (which is highly debatable as I am indeed, a Night Owl and in no way a Morning Person) and ready to go at 7:30am.

I'm attending Pre-Faire Classes today. As in the Annual Southern California Renaissance Faire, which doesn't properly open to April. And classes/meetings don't begin til 8am, which is an hour or so drive from where I'm currently residing...all half asleep and glaring at the contents of my coffee mug as though I could will the coffee to somehow magically transfer into my bloodstream...

*chuckles and takes a hefty gulp*

Apologies for the absence of a Blog yesterday, or continuation I should say, of the Epic Dream I had the other night. But not to worry, it's still playing on a screen in the back of my head, so it will indeed be written out. And since it's been left to simmer, it's becoming an Actual Story. So that'll be fun to write ^_^ (Also since I've already scribbled down a few notes here and there whilst thinking about the best way to convey the seriously creepy atmosphere of the dream itself) I think it'll be awesome.

*proceeds to chug the contents of her cup* One moment, it appears my coffee is broken...must venture forth, into the kitchen and fix me another cup of the almighty caffeine. *scampers off in a thriller like fashion*

Now as I await my next cup (gotta love instant coffee fresh out of the Microwave with all its radioactive goodness) I find it interesting that I was able to lie down at 11pm and actually managed a few hours of sleep. And was also able to pull myself from the depths of my dreams, damn near flying off my bed when the alarm on my phone sounded.

*hears the microwave DING* Yay! Coffee! *shuffles accordingly for the rich, caffeine goodness* And I'm back ^_^

You know... I've just realized that those of you reading this may or may not be pondering, 'If she's not a Morning Person...why in the Hell, is she so damned...peppy?' Very good question... One, I have Coffee, Two...I have no idea. *chuckles'n'shakes her head* I think it's also because I had enough sleep and have enough time to Properly wake up.

Yay for the morning Ramblings of a Zombuh! *small flail of happiness* That, right there...was my 'Muppet Dance'... It's allot more entertaining in person ;)

So...ya. I think the hamster in my head just fell off the wheel, is flat on its furry little back, staring those beady little eyes at the ceiling and going, '...I got nuthin'...' 

Alright Ladles and Jellyspoons, it's now 6 til 6am and I must chug this here second cup and get my zombuh-self in the shower to be all clean and junk ^_^

*waves and scampers off*

-Adieu

When Dreams Turn into Movies

I had something interesting lined out for today's Blog, but then I was bombarded with the most interesting dreams... All of them were a trip, but it was the ones right before I woke up, that bled into each other so seamlessly... Becoming a full length Sci Fi Movie of Horror and Suspense. It was based off of Aliens, my childhood favorite.

I was on an outer rim space colony, orbiting a nearby planet with several moons. It was an older, Military structure, seemingly abandoned for no discernible reason. I was with a small group of people, maybe 40 plus, mostly military... Hell, most of the crew from the USS Sulaco was there; Hicks, Bishop, Ripley, Newt, Drake, Vasquez, Hudson, Frost, Apone, Gorman, etc. As if they'd made it out of LV-426 with little casualties. That was my group, my Family on this hunk of space junk. The other half were unknowns, most were nice enough, but I remember there being a small, tight nit group of roughnecks, hired guns for the right price. Mercs. And no one liked them.

We all kept to ourselves, 'tried' being the key word, because there was one female Merc who had a real hard-on for getting in my face, tryin' to get a rise outta me like a school yard bully pickin' on the new kid. But there was a reason for it... She knew something and was trying to use me as a distraction...

Come to find out there had been a breech; something about an unknown element somewhere on the depths of the space colony. The very same Thing that had hollowed this floating colony out so many years prior to our visit.

And go figure it would be me that found out exactly what that Thing was...

Trust me when I say, (Even thought it was a dream) it was one of the most frightening moments of my life...

But seein' as I'm pressed for time, I'll have to save the rest for another Blog ;) And I promise you, it'll definitely be worth the wait.

*huggles and scampers off*

-Adieu