It's early, and I almost fell back asleep when my alarm went off at 6:30am. My dreams were actually pleasant, but as I've gone about my morning routine (paying homage to the porcelain gods, making coffee, thriller shuffling around in a zombie like fashion) the details have slipped away, merging back into my subconscious.
Damn, had a really rough day yesterday...
I know now why I had a small break in my internal barriers. There were a few things I had to face and after I was done, all I wanted to do was take off and not be here. But Dad asked me to stay because just being here helps him emotionally. So I did and my reserve snapped, leading me to write a blog that's not all that shiny.
Good news; with the help of living Angels, Dad will be taken to Kaiser this Friday (tomorrow) and I won't let them try to send him home. It needs to be done. Because with him FINALLY getting the help he needs, I can start cleaning out this apartment and make it home again. It's gotta be done.
No more being stagnant and scared and feeling completely helpless. I want to start Living My Life and the only way that's ever going to happen is if I get him immediate care, which was the plan in the beginning but I wasn't able to speak up when the doc said there was no reason for him to be there (nice huh?). I know better this time and I am Not giving them an option. It's a different hospital this time so I'm hoping they show more empathy to my Father's fragile state.
And today, I go to work and keep a smile plastered on my face and force myself to be happy, even if my thoughts are scattered, my emotions are stretched thin and my hormones are starting to play Russian roulette with my sanity (gotta love the beginning stages of PMS). I'd love to see the Midnight showing of Riddick tonight, but I doubt that's going to happen. I Will See Riddick, and if I've waited almost 10 years, I think I can wait a few days more. Big Bad's not goin' anywhere ;)
Well muh lovelies, I gotta down the rest of this coffee, shower and get on the road. I do feel better, and I'm still hopeful...I just had a break in my shiny exterior yesterday and let out some of the pressure that's been building up.
-Adieu
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