It's morning...where's the Gorramed Sun?!?

So it's early... *chuckles and sips her coffee* And the reason to Why I'm up at this Ungodly Hour of the Morning, to which at any other time I would be more than likely face-planting in an epic fashion... Is due to the fact that I have to be up, dressed, all bright'n'shiny (which is highly debatable as I am indeed, a Night Owl and in no way a Morning Person) and ready to go at 7:30am.

I'm attending Pre-Faire Classes today. As in the Annual Southern California Renaissance Faire, which doesn't properly open to April. And classes/meetings don't begin til 8am, which is an hour or so drive from where I'm currently residing...all half asleep and glaring at the contents of my coffee mug as though I could will the coffee to somehow magically transfer into my bloodstream...

*chuckles and takes a hefty gulp*

Apologies for the absence of a Blog yesterday, or continuation I should say, of the Epic Dream I had the other night. But not to worry, it's still playing on a screen in the back of my head, so it will indeed be written out. And since it's been left to simmer, it's becoming an Actual Story. So that'll be fun to write ^_^ (Also since I've already scribbled down a few notes here and there whilst thinking about the best way to convey the seriously creepy atmosphere of the dream itself) I think it'll be awesome.

*proceeds to chug the contents of her cup* One moment, it appears my coffee is broken...must venture forth, into the kitchen and fix me another cup of the almighty caffeine. *scampers off in a thriller like fashion*

Now as I await my next cup (gotta love instant coffee fresh out of the Microwave with all its radioactive goodness) I find it interesting that I was able to lie down at 11pm and actually managed a few hours of sleep. And was also able to pull myself from the depths of my dreams, damn near flying off my bed when the alarm on my phone sounded.

*hears the microwave DING* Yay! Coffee! *shuffles accordingly for the rich, caffeine goodness* And I'm back ^_^

You know... I've just realized that those of you reading this may or may not be pondering, 'If she's not a Morning Person...why in the Hell, is she so damned...peppy?' Very good question... One, I have Coffee, Two...I have no idea. *chuckles'n'shakes her head* I think it's also because I had enough sleep and have enough time to Properly wake up.

Yay for the morning Ramblings of a Zombuh! *small flail of happiness* That, right there...was my 'Muppet Dance'... It's allot more entertaining in person ;)

So...ya. I think the hamster in my head just fell off the wheel, is flat on its furry little back, staring those beady little eyes at the ceiling and going, '...I got nuthin'...' 

Alright Ladles and Jellyspoons, it's now 6 til 6am and I must chug this here second cup and get my zombuh-self in the shower to be all clean and junk ^_^

*waves and scampers off*

-Adieu

When Dreams Turn into Movies

I had something interesting lined out for today's Blog, but then I was bombarded with the most interesting dreams... All of them were a trip, but it was the ones right before I woke up, that bled into each other so seamlessly... Becoming a full length Sci Fi Movie of Horror and Suspense. It was based off of Aliens, my childhood favorite.

I was on an outer rim space colony, orbiting a nearby planet with several moons. It was an older, Military structure, seemingly abandoned for no discernible reason. I was with a small group of people, maybe 40 plus, mostly military... Hell, most of the crew from the USS Sulaco was there; Hicks, Bishop, Ripley, Newt, Drake, Vasquez, Hudson, Frost, Apone, Gorman, etc. As if they'd made it out of LV-426 with little casualties. That was my group, my Family on this hunk of space junk. The other half were unknowns, most were nice enough, but I remember there being a small, tight nit group of roughnecks, hired guns for the right price. Mercs. And no one liked them.

We all kept to ourselves, 'tried' being the key word, because there was one female Merc who had a real hard-on for getting in my face, tryin' to get a rise outta me like a school yard bully pickin' on the new kid. But there was a reason for it... She knew something and was trying to use me as a distraction...

Come to find out there had been a breech; something about an unknown element somewhere on the depths of the space colony. The very same Thing that had hollowed this floating colony out so many years prior to our visit.

And go figure it would be me that found out exactly what that Thing was...

Trust me when I say, (Even thought it was a dream) it was one of the most frightening moments of my life...

But seein' as I'm pressed for time, I'll have to save the rest for another Blog ;) And I promise you, it'll definitely be worth the wait.

*huggles and scampers off*

-Adieu

Another Day, Another Form of Caffeine

This just makes me Giggle XD

Did a great deal of writing yesterday, something that hasn't really happened in quite some time... I was so consumed by it that I completely forgot to eat. But I wasn't hungry...weird, huh? And today, the first thing I think of when I finally rise from the grave, is writing. Guess once the Levee Broke, it allowed the debris to be washed away so the creativity could flow again.

And to be honest...I've really missed this. The ability to place my fingertips along this black keyboard and feel my thoughts forming into words along a ghostly white screen. It's pretty damned therapeutic. Or maybe I'm just weird? *chuckles* Must be a writer thing...

I've also decided to start creating a blog daily, even if it's nothing more than a few random thoughts about how I slept and how I think my day might be. Just randomness at it's best. I figure, the more I update, the more I bombard you guys, the more you'll be interested in what I have to say. I know my track record has been all over the place... Wanting to update, wanting to write, saying I will and as soon as I tried... I dunno, I felt lost and couldn't get myself to do it. 

Well, no more excuses. Gotta start somewhere, right? So why not today? :)

*pops open a Monster O Doom* Mmm Caffeine goodness ^_^

I feel as though a small weight has lifted...especially after all the poison came rushing out yesterday... Not gunna lie, I began to feel anxious when I realized it was posted and others could read it. And as much as I wanted to go back and delete it, I fought myself and thankfully just left it be. It was needed. It was a form of release. And it helped. I had to keep telling myself that... Hell, even now I'm still a little on edge that it's there as a reminder of the momentary emotional insanity I went through. But you know what? It was only a moment... And today, as warm sunlight dances through the open blinds... I truly do feel better.

Also, got allot goin' on in my life, positive things that can help with my future and my financial well-being. We all know being broke, is a bitch. But I have a strong feeling that's about to change. It's still a little scary, knowing I have a great opportunity being offered to me and being a little fearful of what to expect. I know I can do it, it's just the anxiety talking. And the funny thing is... The more Anxious I am about a new opportunity, it generally means it'll be allot better than I had expected. If I'm really excited and hopeful, it means plans will fall through. I don't know why it works like that, or why it's so backwards, but it's true. Ya I know, very weird *chuckles*

Well, I'm gunna wander off and try to be all productive and junk... Find out more about that opportunity and try not to over-think it too much and give myself more unneeded anxiety. We'll see how it goes.

Guess everything happens for a reason. ;)

-Adieu

Facing the Darkness [Riddick Short]

Broken pavement filled her sight; a twisting leviathan of concrete that tapered off into the horizon. It was a haunting vision that held her, made her pause in her footsteps as darkness caressed her senses. She knew that walking those empty streets was a bad idea. An unspoken invite for some wannabe billy-bad-ass to try a go at her. Heh, bad for them. If anything, she welcomed it. Call it a distraction. Somethin' she definitely needed considering the shit storm that recently took hold of her existence. Why not add a little more to the pile? Seemed like the Universe was pushing to see how much she could take before she snapped... So in her angered state she scoffed and purred inwardly, "Go ahead...let's see what you've got." and continued walking.

And who knows, maybe the poor fuck would get lucky and she wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore.

Fair is Fair, right?

*  *  *

The familiar silhouette graced his presence as he cut a path toward an adjacent road. Something told him to turn left, so he did. And wouldn't ya know...there she was. Apparently pissed by the way her footsteps dug into the pavement with every heavy step she took.

But there was something else, hidden just behind that wall of invisible anger that curled around her body like smoke. The anger, though genuine, was just a front. And not a very stable one at that. Because for just a split second, he felt a stab of pain in his chest. She was filled with defeat... The kind that told him he had to get to her before she ran into the wrong person. It was a warning. She was ready to let go...

And there was no way in hell he was gunna let that happen. Period.

*  *  *

Immersed in her inner dialogue, the sensation of being followed was delayed after she just past the safety of a lone street lamp. Instead of scolding herself for being so careless, she smirked. Figures... She snarled to herself and stopped to turn toward her stalker.

She didn't even try to hide the disappointment as she peered into two living pools of blue/silver. "The hell are you doing, Riddick?" She bit out in an irritated tone filled with venom.

His face remained unreadable as he closed the distance between them. "I should be asking you the same question, Wildcat." Riddick shot back with a low growl and stopped just two feet in front of her.

An unpleasant smile pulled at her lips, "fuck off." She hissed under her breath as she turned her back to him and started to walk away.

Riddick was not impressed. "Wrong answer." He snarled and before she could even think to protest, had her back pinned up against his chest, both arms wrapped securely around her midsection, his hands clamped down on her delicate wrists, making her immobile so she couldn't retaliate. "Now, let's try this again..."

She cut him off with a deep throated growl, "Let me go..."

He smirked and rumbled, "You're going to have to say the magic word."

"Go Fuck Yourself." She snarled ever so sweetly between clenched teeth and sucked in a sharp breath when he gave her a little squeeze; warning her he could crush her without so much as breaking a sweat.

"I'm sorry...what was that?" Riddick mused in a gravely tone and pressed his chin against her left shoulder, completely invading her personal space. 

Wildcat closed her eyes to steady herself. Taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly and hoped her voice would come out calm. "Let me go, Riddick." She said it carefully, a polite request to the beast that held her captive.

He knew exactly what she was doing... It wasn't genuine, it was just a game. As soon he let her go she'd try to attack, or she'd try to make a run for it. Try being the key word. Riddick shook his head, "Not until you ease down and get your head straight, Princess."

The battle to stay calm was running thin... She wasn't going to be able to keep this up much longer with the heat threatening to consume her veins. "Stop fucking with me and release me..."

He cut off her threatening tone by musing, "so you can try something stupid? Heh... I don't think so."

"God damn it, Richard!" She shouted suddenly and jerked against him, knowing he wouldn't let go but was just too pissed off to care. "I did not ask for you to shadow me. You have no right to keep me here!"

He let out a rumbling chuckle and flipped her around to where she was now pinned flush against him while being forced to look into his luminescent depths. "And just what makes you think I'm gunna let you wander off and leave you to your own devices, huh?" Riddick paused and watched as she rolled her eyes. "You're not going anywhere until you calm the fuck down. Got it?"

Narrowed eyes glared daggers into blue fire orbs as he continued to hold her in a vice like grip against him, proving to her he was very serious about keeping her alive. And she hated him for it. "I hate you..." The words were barely audible; held trapped within the defeated voice of a broken heart.

Riddick almost strained to hear it. "No you don't." He quipped in a low Thunder and was suddenly met with blazing amber eyes filled with rage.

"Don't you Dare tell me how I feel!" She shot at him with a deep lull filled with resentment. "You have no idea how I feel... You think it's your Place to save me? Huh?!" She paused to let her voice drop an octave to get her point across, "maybe I don't want to be saved. You ever think of that? Maybe I deserve to rot..."

This is where he decided to end the discussion by picking her up and tossing her over his shoulder. 

She obviously was not all that happy to be there. "You sonuvabitch!" Wildcat barked and slammed her small fists into his back, knowing that it did nothing to help her. 

"Go ahead, bitch all you want." Riddick rumbled with a sarcastic lilt to his deep voice as he started back up the street, heading back to the house. "We've got about a fifteen minute walk, so by all means, get it out of your system."

With a defeated growl, she dropped her arms and let herself hang there for a moment, watching the back of his heels as he walked the pavement in silence.

*  *

After ten minutes of silent contemplation, she found her voice again...but this time, it was incredibly soft. "Mad at me?" Wildcat asked as he turned and started heading toward the stairwell of her building.

A deep throated grunt was the only response she got as he carried her up the three small flights of stairs and stopped at her apartment door. He then added, "Keys."

"Left pocket." She replied softly and let out a sigh when he held her with one arm and used the other to fish out her keys, unlock the deadbolt and made his way inside. Only then, when the door was closed and locked, did he finally set her back on her feet. She was bracing herself for the ass-chewing she knew she deserved for her little stunt...but was completely blind sided by what he actually asked her.

"Coffee or Scotch?"

This made her blink and think about it for a moment. "Coffee." Was her reply and was given a nod in acknowledgment as he turned and vanished toward her small kitchen. "Okay..." She murmured under her breath, brows knitted in confusion as she just stood there...feeling incredibly drained.

Riddick made quick work of getting a strong pot brewing and after a few minutes, brought out two mugs; one for her and one for himself. "Here." He rumbled and handed her the smaller of the two and watched as she held the hot mug in the palm of her hand, her eyes unfocused as she stared into the swirling liquid. "Hey, Wildcat..." He said the words slowly and waited as she brought her haunted gaze to his face, "you're gunna burn your hand."

She knew the shock was setting in because she didn't feel her hand burning, it just felt strangely warm. "Oh..." She muttered in a whisper and held the hot mug by the handle.

He peered down at her quietly, hoping that she knew that he put up with a helluva lot more from her than anyone else he'd ever had in his life. But there was a good reason for that. She was the only person that understood him...and wasn't devoured by the demons of his past. She was there, and was safe from those fake badges... She was all he had left. Riddick wondered if she even knew what she really meant to him...

Her soft lull of a voice broke his thoughts. "I'm sorry for losing it like that..." She began to explain and swallowed down the hard lump of anxiety that had tried to lodge itself in the back of her throat. "I wasn't thinking straight..."

"You're welcome." Was his growl of a reply as he brought his mug to his lips and took a hefty drink of his black coffee. After swallowing he added, "by the way..."

She was worrying the her bottom lip between her teeth when she looked up at him from beneath her lashes; a question in her tired gaze.

Riddick grew a ghost of a smile and thundered, "pull that again and not only will I hog tie you and put you in the trunk, I will leave you like that until it sinks in. We clear?"

A small curve pulled at her lips that almost brought warmth back into her eyes as she nodded and replied, "Affirmative."

"Good." He mused and started toward the coach, "now get that sweet ass over here so we can watch your favorite movie."

She let out a chuckle and plopped down to his left, making sure not to spill her coffee in the process. "Does it have Xenomorphs?" She asked and curled her left leg beneath her right as he draped his left arm over her shoulders.

"Wouldn't be your favorite if it didn't." Riddick shot back with a wink and smirked when her face lit up.

Wildcat smiled and took a sip of her coffee, relaxing against his larger frame as the TV lit up with the 20th Century Fox logo... Feeling a sense of peace after the emotional chaos her brain put her through. "Thanks Big Guy..." She murmured softly and let out a sigh when his hand gently squeezed her shoulder.

Letting her know... She would never have to face the darkness...alone.

-Fades to Black-

What's The Point?

Artwork 'Shattered' is Copyright of Black Ravyn

I don't even know if writing is even worth it anymore... I haven't had the urge to, and when I've tried, I find that it's nothing more than useless buckets of crap spilling out through my fingertips. Seriously, what's the point?

As many may have noticed (or possibly not, who even reads this shit anyway?) my mood is teetering along the lines of extreme emotional agitation, anger and solace. Right now, I'm pissed off. Maybe it's good that I use this outlet. 

You want something to read? Here, I'll write something for you...

My heart hurts. I can't shake the drowning sensation inside of me. I want to scream and destroy something beautiful. There's a million thoughts dancing through my head and all of them continue to allude me like disoriented fireflies trying to make their way through the black.

I'm just fucking sick of it. All of it. I'm absolutely disgusted with myself, on several levels... To the point where I just don't want to leave the apartment anymore. I don't want to take the chance that I may do or say something that will be taken completely wrong. I'm honestly at the point (emotionally speaking) where I'm done. Just fucking done. Whatever this is, emotional bullshit boiling over from waay too much pressure bearing down all at once... I'm done.

I've tried to be normal when all I've wanted to do is cut this thing out of my chest and hold it out for everyone to see...only to wear a broken smile as I crush it in my hands.

Twisted visual, huh? *smirks*

I'm angry that I let my guard down to someone I trusted (or thought I could trust) and all they did was make sure I hurt just as much as I've hurt them by telling me something they 'thought' I should know. The hell did you think it would accomplish? Huh? You think, while I was finally opening up and actually Crying about losing my friend that it was, what... 'Okay' to tell me something that You fucking Knew would tear me up? And your excuse was, "Maybe I shouldn't have said anything" And it's the way you said it after the fact... You were indifferent to my reaction. You knew damned well that you intended to cut me with your words. I sensed No Remorse from you... At All. It was a quiet revenge in your body language. You can argue that this is false, that you'd never do anything to hurt me especially when I really needed someone and I actually Trusted You... But there's no excuse. What you did, was intentional. You wanted to hurt me? Congratulations. Mission Accomplished.

Heh...ya know what? Thank You so very much for Proving to me why I was Right to want to distance myself from people. What you did, was underhanded and hurtful. And I didn't come to this realization until afterward when I was able think clearly. How terribly naive of me to think I could come to you for comfort when you offered it...only to learn it was just another way to get back at me for the grief I've caused you. 

Lesson Learned. No such thing as 'Friend'.

Why is this all coming out now? I'm a severe mess of screwed emotions. Oh and I found out yesterday that I've lost Another Friend to Cancer this past Saturday. I didn't know what to think... My brain did the, "Wait...really?"

So you know what? I'm in that nice dark place where I'm just fucking done with watching what I say so I don't 'offend' anyone's 'delicate perceptions'. You wanna hate me? Fine. You want to see me as some Lying, Two-Faced Bitch? You go right ahead. 

Because you know what? Life's is too god damned short to focus on petty things that have absolutely no relevance.

I haven't been myself for a long while. I've been completely Fucked up inside. Did I share that with anyone? No. Why would I? You can't fix it and I sure as hell don't expect anyone to fix it. Not your problem. Period. Why share my emotional diarrhea when you have Your Own shit to deal with? I've tried to be mature about it, keep calm and suss it out on my own. 

But in life, nothing Ever goes according to plan. I didn't feel the need to explain myself to the masses, it's nobody's fucking business. But then, things became confused and instead of being approached in an appropriate manner so things could be discussed, (at which point I would have explained myself because though I'm a private person, I'd do so to make sure there was no confusion and I would have done so in the most diplomatic way possible) things were blown out of proportion. I was cornered and badgered, where only Certain things were said, and I was unable to properly voice the truth in its entirety.

And it's fairly obvious how well that turned out... *grows a very unpleasant smile*

And when it comes to me opening up to people, there's a very select few that I can open up to. But here's the thing... Even though I know I can, I just don't know how. I try to, but I start to stutter and my mind locks up. The only way it'll all come out correct and crystal clear, is if I am royally pissed off. And I'm starting to get to that point. It hurts that some people just don't understand that I'm not pushing them away on purpose. Because I'm not. Or I wasn't, I should say. Because now? I'm honestly fine right here, silent and alone. It's safe. What I think and how I feel is tucked away safely in my head. Doesn't need to be shared. I'll let the anger out, but cryptically of course. This is all cryptic. I speak in riddles. Safer that way.

*sighs and takes a drink of her Monster while listening to 'Broken Pieces' by Apocalyptica Feat. Lacey Sturm*

I'm just...completely out of sorts. My emotions are a jostled hornet's nest and my heart feels like its rotting from the inside out. I'm torn in so many different directions... Needing Release on a variety of different levels while there's a part of me that wants me to just stop typing and delete this entire thing so I don't 'Hurt Anyone's Feelings'. The Anger's leaking away into Sadness and that feeling of "What's the Point?" swims through me again. 

Because honestly... What is this accomplishing? I'm Venting... Whoopdee-fuckin'-doo. Do I vent like I should? No. Do I keep it in out of some false sense of bravado? No. I don't vent because even though I need to, I Worry about the impact my words will have. I keep it all in because to release my pain, I may inadvertently hurt others. Stirring up more unneeded chaos.

But I won't delete this. I will finish my thoughts, post it and be done with it. I'm allowed to have at least one moment of controlled madness. 

Because right at this moment... 

*lets out a strangled sigh* I feel like shit...

Eh, it'll pass. Guess I just need to get my thoughts in order so it doesn't happen again.

No more saying or doing anything that'll be misconstrued. It's safer to be quiet and watchful than to stand out and be crucified for unintentionally offending someone due to their own perception of me.

And on that note...I'll leave you with an old Quote I wrote many years ago...

'She was the Black...among a Field of Red Roses.'

Artwork Copyright of the Amazing Jaime Thompson

-Fades to Black-

Still and Unseen

I need to get these feelings out...tangled along words, shattered thoughts dangling at the edge of an abyss that watches with hollowed eyes. I want to make sense of the venom that's twisting through my veins. But I refrain from my lips forming sound, holding back the need for spoken word...knowing no one would truly understand. Though I've known this truth for forever it seems... It still stings something inside me, knowing I must remain silent so as to not provoke unneeded grief.

The essence of alone being my only true salvation. Within the Silence I am free; allowed to live inside my mind with no unwanted attention from the outside. Hidden away from prying eyes. Words of encouragement merely an illusion so that when a crack is formed, a mere glimpse of trust, the poison seeps in... Wounded once again by the twisted intent of a silhouette's perception.

There's no such thing as Safe... No place of true sanctuary that isn't hidden behind the silent gaze that watches phantom faces as they continue to drift by. To place blind trust in another is an unthinkable act. To become vulnerable, thinking one could find comfort...only to learn that within that false comfort, they wait for your quietest moment...and without warning, a blade is embedded into your flesh. They continue the torment, pushing the blade ever deeper...and when you're breaking down, only than do they apologize. There is no real remorse in this... It's already been thought out, they know how you'll react...so they do it in such a way that it appears more like a 'slip'. The purpose is not to inform you... It's to cut you when you're already weak. Driving the pain home, wounding you because they, themselves, are wounded and want to share that pain.

Monstrous, unthinkable... Especially when it's from a soul that claims to 'Care'.

Churning are the emotions coiled within, writhing and hissing like a nest of angry vipers. I cannot fight them anymore, my internal walls having been reduced to nothing more than the forgotten ruins of a tortured soul. Why fight what cannot be won?

I can feel the energy swell like a lunar tide, boiling over only to destroy everything it rushes past... Snuffing out any warmth left inside, forcing me to drown in a flood of my own creation.

There is no sorrow in this, no fragile hand reaching out to be rescued. No want or need for pity, for there's nothing left to save. I live within this silent darkness, my hidden world beyond the light. Away from curious eyes and caring hearts. Away from the chivalrous souls that feel the need to protect a damsel in distress. There's nothing damsel here, no distress to be quelled. I'm comfortably numb... A shadow along the wall, watching in silent contemplation as the world continues its play on its small stage within a vast universe.

Here I shall remain, a silent observer, knowing that to speak, even in riddles, would only induce unwanted attention. Here, I am Safe. Hidden behind these words; dancing images along a ghostly screen.

Still and unseen...nestled within the silence deep inside of me.

-Fades to Black-

-Flames-

These words are like riddles, dancing too and fro through the intricate web of my mind. They giggle and play, feeling a sense of peace after so many years trapped in darkness. I can feel the warmth that surrounds them, the joy of release as they chase each other through the soft streams of light that now shimmer behind my eyes.

It's been too long since I've felt this energy weave through me... So many years having been buried beneath the rubble of painful yesterdays. Something once thought lost, devoured by the jaws of a ravenous fate... Has reawakened from a fading ember into a brilliant, soul-consuming flame.

I had become so used to the darkness, my silent friend... That I had convinced myself I'd never know True Warmth again. The mystical heat of living emeralds, shimmering gently within the light. A flame that held me, comforted me, brought real meaning to my life.

And in one instant, that life altering moment... The flame was taken away...and I was thrown, screaming into darkness... Led to believe I would never know that loving Warmth again...

So within the darkness I roamed, wandering overgrown paths and twisting roads of unspoken horrors. I trudged on, a piece of myself lost within the ruins of my broken heart. An emptiness that would never be filled, the gaping wound forever festering...reminding me of the Warmth I once had.

I carried on, a shell of who I used to be... Convinced that I would never again know the Heat of a better tomorrow... I would never Feel Hope. I wouldn't be able to know what it meant to be Whole again... That precious thing, having died...having been torn away with that Living Green Light.

The years had passed like waves trickling along an endless, sandy shore. The fates did not weep for my loss, instead they seemed to laugh, torturing me with the memories of a life I would never have.

I tried to soldier on, convinced there was no such thing as a happy ending. There was no room for a better life. There would always be that comfortable darkness to watch over me, a sanctuary I could go to when the world was too bright for my weary eyes. I had become comfortably numb, the pain a steady reminder that this existence will never be easy. Dreams are nothing more than a tease of what will never be.

The gaping wound left inside was suddenly filled by a self created demon. My dark angel to guard me in my sleep. It watched in silence, growling a terrible warning at any who dared venture too close. The hole left in the wake of my past, was no longer a wound, but its sanctuary. The debris of my soul its bedding as it stood guard over my dying heart. And with time, it grew ever stronger... And at my lowest, it was there...in all its terrible glory, to bring me back. To keep me from becoming nothing more than a fading star within the black.

And after all these years, having grown comfortably numb to all the light and the noise...and all the things I'd come to hate... Knowing that I was slipping ever deeper within the rabbit hole...

A soft glow caught my attention. I didn't understand it at first, knowing there should only be darkness coiled so deep inside. But the Beast remained silent... She didn't growl, nor bare those deadly rows of razor sharp teeth. I sensed a calm radiating from her, telling me without words... This wasn't something to fear. I should dig deeper...find the source...and set it free.

Reluctantly I began the slow trek into the winding paths of my inner world. A terrible place filled with the horrors of my mind... But none could be found. They all seemed to stay back, away from that gentle glow that grew brighter with every careful step I made.

After what felt like forever within a labyrinth of broken promises and shattered dreams... I found myself standing before a small clearing...monstrous trees towering into the darkness above me, like ancient sentinels guarding this delicate thing.

I took a step closer, afraid of this gentle light...a glow that seemed to beckon me, urging me closer with a wordless song only my soul could hear.

Before I could reach out a shaky hand, that soft ember erupted into a violent flame. I was suddenly overwhelmed by it; standing there helpless as the heat curled around my body in a wave of blinding light.

But it didn't burn...

The fire that consumed me, suddenly pulsed and began to fade... The glow poured into my eyes, swirled deep into the crevices of my mind and left a trail of living heat in its wake to the hole nestled so deep inside. The Beast merely yawned, stood aside and allowed the glow to fill the void left of my broken heart...

And for the very first time, I realized...it was never dead, but merely asleep.

The Flame I had once thought lost...had merely been waiting to Find me.

And after all these years... Through all the Darkness, and the tears... Through the endless leviathan of paths leading me back to where I once began... Back to the place where I was Whole.

For the first time, I finally see...

...This is where I'm meant to be.

Consumed by the Flames of My Destiny.

-Fades to Black-