I Think I Need a Caffeine Drip...

Woo I Live!! O.o

I finally crashed around...egads, close to 5 o'clock in the morning. And woke up at around...2:48pm. Talk about being back-asswards *chuckles and chugs the last of her cup of insta-coffee goodness* 

Dreams weren't too bad, they were weird as usual, but no real nightmares. I know I was searching for something, but I can't remember what exactly. All I know is that I feel like I was hit by a train *smirks*

*Makes another cup, proceeds to sit back down, blinking, and puts on some music to drown out the background*

At least it's another gorgeous day today ^_^ Warm sunlight, clear blue skies and a cool ocean breeze. You know what always tells me Spring is close? The scent of Magnolia during the day and the soul-comforting scent of Jasmine at night. Jasmine really is one of my favorite aromas. I should probably find a fragrance oil of it and wear it...see if it meshes with my body chemistry. I've noticed that warm, slightly musky, honey like scents tend to smell really good on me. Seeing as I have very sensitive olfactory glands (heightened sense of smell), I can't handle wearing certain perfumes or being around them for long periods of time. Especially chemically made ones. It tends to cause the back of my throat to itch, leaves a bad taste in my mouth (I hate chemical residue on my taste buds) and my lungs are agitated.

I've learned how to 'Taste' the air when catching a scent on the breeze. You basically breathe in through both your Mouth and Nose in shallow, short bursts. It's amazing how the scent can intensify, especially if it's food. Definitely try it out some time, it's actually a nifty trick on teaching yourself how to decipher certain smells.

*smiles and shakes her head* Gotta love the random crap I come up with.

I sound like someone who should be living off the land, somewhere in the wilderness. Which is actually not such a bad idea. I'd love to be surrounded in nature, away from all the noise and pollution. I'd still have technology around me, but I'm a fairly simple person. I don't need much, not really. I've grown up having to make do with what I had, and being thankful to have it in the first place.

I've questioned those with the need to buy 'designer' things when they honestly didn't Need them in the first place. But I've always been genuinely curious as to their decision for wanting 'expensive' things when they could get by with spending allot less, and I've also explained my reasoning behind it. Going about it the way that I do in a conversation like that, it's awesome to see that I've got the other person really thinking about it. And I also go on to explain that every once in awhile I indulge, but only after I've really thought about it and know, that I have earned it and have the means to treat myself without going broke.

But I'll be honest, even if I have the means and buy something I really want, I still feel a little bad afterward... As though I didn't really Need it and have just wasted the money on it. Even if the small thing I just bought, completely brought my spirits up.

*shrugs* I'm weird :P

ZOMG Sock KITTEH!!!

*giggles*

Well, I'm gunna run off now... A bit more out of it than usual (Gee, I wonder why?) but mayhaps I'll return later with some actually Interesting to talk about ^_^

-Adieu

Loss, Psychic Junk and Self Induced Insomnia

I want to write, let these thoughts release themselves into the universe... Allow them freedom to drift aimlessly into the darkness like fireflies becoming faded dots of starlight within the black.

*lets out a soft sigh while drinking a fresh cup of insta-coffee as The Door's, "Crystal Ship" starts playing*

I guess I'm at a loss. I really don't know how to Feel anymore. Three precious souls in two months. Heh...guess it's true about it always happening in 'Threes'. I even thought that after the second loss. *sighs and shakes her head*

It's hard to respond to this correctly. I mean, everyone's different. We all have our own way of grieving. This time around however... I'm in shock, which is normal, but the difference is that beneath the calm lies a great deal of Rage. Perhaps it's just so many things at once, as well as the coming of Spring adding its energy to it. I tend to soak up the charge it gives me, fueling me for the coming Renaissance Faire. But...I just... Whatever anger has remained buried for the past few years has literally just started boiling to the surface.

I thought I had a handle on it, allowing it to flow in a healthy manner by keeping myself busy. Giving it a healthy outlet through poetry and prose. Using it toward positive things.

It's an aggressive energy I get every Spring (Yay for being connected to Mother Nature lol) but it's More than that this time. As though a sleeping Titan just woke up and is in desperate need of several tons of Coffee. *chuckles at the thought of Tankers filled with hot coffee*

I just... I can feel it, behind my eyes... Alert and anxious for a target. It's not so much the call of the diabolical hormones pushing me to breed. It's the surge of adrenaline... The need to run full burst into the night, just for the thrill of it. To feel unchained... No longer held down, but standing on my own two feet. *chuckles to herself as 'Wild Child' starts playing on Random* Wow, nice timing.

I definitely feel the pull to cut loose. It's an old part of me, something I haven't felt in a long time... The very reason I'm also known as 'Wildcat'; if that tells you anything.

*lets out a soft growl and takes a drink of her coffee* Gotta love rambling when you're exhausted. *smirks as Johnny Cash's, "The Beast In Me" begins playing* Now if that doesn't nail it on the head...

Not gunna lie, that's how I feel right now. Unsure as to what the hell it plans to do if I don't keep my guard up.

Ugh...my heart hurts, my soul's grumbling and the hamster in my brain just walked out, letting the wheel squeak to a stop. I know I should probably just crash, but I don't want to sleep. I feel like even if I tried, I wouldn't sleep very well. Or maybe I just don't trust myself... No water works, not yet anyway. It's almost as though a part of me is just fucking sick of it. It's tired of the mess crying makes. Your nose stuffs up, you heave and struggle for air as your heart feels like it's trying to crawl up and out of your throat as these disgusting pools of salt stream needlessly down your flushed skin.

*growls softly* Ya, definitely pissed off this time. 

Music kinda helps, especially right now when the world, even at its most peaceful, seems to be the loudest. That probably doesn't make any sense...but, it's how my brain is perceiving things right now. It's the same feeling I get right before the moment I wake myself up from a seriously horrific nightmare with a scream trapped in the back of my throat.

Here's a weird thing I haven't mentioned... 

This past week I've been seeing Movement in the corner of my eyes. Just along the edge of my peripherals. Definitely unsettling when there's nothing around, not even my cats, when this happens. *stops and Laughs as 'People Are Strange' starts playing* Thanks Jim, that brought my mood up *chuckles and shakes her head*

And the thing is, I don't See things like that. Ever. I can 'Sense' things, but I never See anything. At least not out here in California. And yes, for those of you who aren't informed, I call myself an Empath. What others would call 'Psychic' or 'Medium' or 'Sensitive' etc. I'll make it easier for you...

Here's a List of my so called 'Abilities' (I just call it my Instinct, but it's still cool to read)

(You Can Find the Original Page Here)

Animal Telepathy - The ability to communicate with (but not command or influence) various kinds of creatures. Think "pet psychic". [Yup, got BIG Dose of this lol]

Channeling - Associated with mediums, this is the ability to act as a channel or vessel for an outside intelligence. [Ya...and sometimes it's annoying]

Clairaudience - Put simply, this type of ability is used to hear what is "inaudible". For example, someone with this ability could be a thousand miles way and "hear" a loved one's cry of distress. [Heavy dose of this one]

Clairvoyance - Usually confused with Precognition, this ability actually has much more in common with "Remote Viewing", True clairvoyance is not the ability to see into the future, but the psychic ability to see visions of that which is hidden or far away. [Oh ya...which is why it's not a good idea to lie to me]

Clairsentience - In this instance the psychic has an insight or "knowing" of and a hidden or forgotten fact. [Happens allot...which can be awkward when someone doesn't want you to know something about them]

Empathy - The talent to sense the needs, drives, and emotions of another. As with Aura Reading, psychic ability can often reveal itself through the development of empathy. [Definitely my natural state lol]

E.S.P. - Extra Sensory Perception is the awareness of information about events external to the psychic that are not gained through the senses and not deducible from previous experience. Often used to describe clairvoyance, precognition, telepathy, etc... [Which can be seriously confusing...]

Intuition - Similar to clairsentience, this is the power or faculty of attaining direct knowledge or cognition without rational thought or inference. [Happens ALL the damned time >.<]

Precognition - Quite simply, "knowing the future". However, since time is a dynamic construct, no one psychic can ever know every detail about the future. Usually this ability refers to knowing general outcomes of specific courses of action, with occasional flashes of detailed insight. [Yup, it happens and I try to brush it off...]

Psychometry - Also known as "object reading", psychometry enables a psychic to pick up on psychic impressions (vibrations) left on an object by someone connected with it. Someone with this ability could use an unfamiliar object to reveal much about its owner. [Also very easy for me, but I just figure it's got energy, I'll just figure out what the energy feels like when I touch it. It's actually pretty cool :)]

*  *  *

So ya, I'm one of them 'Weird Ones' but it's all good, I mostly keep it to myself unless you know me. I'm not ashamed of it, it's not something I chose to have. *shrugs* It's Genetic. If people are genuinely curious about it, I don't mind answering questions. But I really find it disrespectful when someone snarks and chimes, "Oh ya? So what am I thinking right now?" I hate that *growls and shakes her head* That's when I usually muse wickedly, "I never said I was a mind reader" and will add something personal only they know (it's that whole just 'picking up on it' thing) and they usually shuttup.

It's not really that big of a deal. Everyone is 'Sensitive' in their own ways. I just happen to have a Hefty dose of this Animal Instinct. It simply means dormant parts of my brain are actually very active compared to most. Just more electricity bouncing around in there, which may explain the hamster falling off the wheel more than twice a day *chuckles*

Damn, 2:31am and I'm tempted to make me another cup of caffeine goodness. Can you tell I don't want to sleep? *smirks* Rambling goodness at its finest ^_^

I hope my tangents haven't been too brain-frying for you... I'm just writing for the sake of getting my thoughts in some sort of organized chaos. I don't like the feeling that loss weaves... Definitely an unpleasant taste in my mouth :/

The good thing, I suppose, is that I've made good on my word about writing a blog everyday. It definitely has helped a great deal more than I thought it would. I mean, I write enough as it is my leather bound journal (it's some crazy small handwriting lol) but here I can be more amusing. Sharing things here that aren't all that fun to write down just for myself. Really personal stuff doesn't even get written down by hand. Those tend to stay in my head. I'm weird like that. I forget the quote exactly, but it was basically, 'Don't tell someone all of your secrets otherwise you'll lose who you are.' Or something, and shtuff. It makes sense :P

Okay, off to make another cup, be right back ;) *ventures forth into the perilous depths of her tiny kitchen of doom-and returns with coffee o doom* 

Whoot for Insomnia by choice!! O.o lol

I'm weary of the fact that I may end up having Nightmares...and I really don't enjoy those very much. Sometimes, if it's just a Segment of a Nightmare between two normal dreams, I can deal. My Normal Dreams have been described as normal people's Nightmares. So if I actually have a Nightmare of my Own... It's pretty awful. Let's just say I'd rather be in Silent Hill with a Lead Pipe...because at least I know I have a chance. (Ya, they're really That Bad)

Good times... Fun for the whole family! O.o Ya, not so much *lets out a soft laugh*

Heh, look at that...3am on the dot. Now I really can't go to sleep yet. I'm sure some of you know of Midnight being the 'Witching Hour' and 3am is the 'Mocking of the Trinity' thing. Now, even though I'm a 'Reader' (whatever you wanna call it) I'm actually very rational, logical and believe it or not...skeptical. Crazy right? So when I heard all this hullabaloo about 3:00am being the time when 'Negative Energies' make their presence known, I called Bullshit. That's until I experienced more than a few very unsettling things at 3 o'clock in the morning over the years. Things I don't think I want to share due to the chill that dances along the delicate hairs along my spine just thinking about it... *shudders*

Let's just say I can't call bullshit anymore. Sure, Midnight does have its 'Witchy' moments, but that's because the energy of the day is immersed into cool darkness and I swear I can feel the switch if I'm awake. It really is more peaceful. But strangely enough, around 3am I sense a slight...shift. Like that very quiet charge you might feel when someone walks into the room. You don't have to look at them to feel that they're there.

But if I have animals around me, I definitely feel more at ease. They're even More sensitive to unseen energies. So if they react, alarms go off in my head. Most of the time, they're like, 'Whatever' and I have nothing to worry about.

Sometimes there are energies that slip in that don't bother my Cats, but they make me uneasy... I can feel them, I know I'm not crazy, I also know they can't hurt me... They just put me on edge.

And sometimes, while curled up in my bed, my bedroom door closed so as to not let the boys (my two cats) wake me up in the middle of the night by them suddenly feeling the need to use my head like a hot wheels track (cute lil fuzzballs lol) I can get incredibly uneasy... Knowing that I, am indeed Alone in my room, and suddenly feeling some thing standing by my bed... Kinda scary. Well, only until I calm myself and focus on it. It used to scare the hell out of me, because I didn't know Who or What it was. Now, I do. And instead of freaking me the hell out, I suddenly feel safe and fall asleep faster. 

WOW... Barlow Girl, "Never Alone" just started playing... *laughs* I love my music on Random XD Here's the Lyrics so you can see why that made me crack up...

-[Verse 1]-

I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?
-[Chorus] -
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone
-[Verse 2]-
And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life
-[Bridge]-
We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen
(-[Chorus] -)
We cannot separate
You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

(-[Chorus]-)

((You Can Watch The Lyrics Video Here))

I believe the group is Christian, but that's all good ^_^ The Song can be interpreted in many ways, and I think they're phenomenal musicians regardless of their Religion. And I follow Shamanism aka Animal Medicine so that should tell you something ;P

*yawns and blinks* Damn... I cannot believe how much crap I've written. Hell, I can't believe half the crap I wrote about. I guess you can't say this was boring *giggles softly*

Well, I think this is my stop for the night. Or Morning...ah, whatever, it's dark so it's still night time, dag nab it! XD

Hopefully I don't have any horrible dreams and I actually get something akin to sleep and that tomorrow's a better day.

If you were able to Read all the way to the end, you so deserve a cookie!

*giggles'n'huggles her luvlies tight*

And on that note, I bid thee anon. ^_^

-Adieu

Here, I Grieve...

Listless and confused... Drifting through a conduit of thoughts, aimless and broken as the emotions fight to find a solution to what cannot be named. 

The soul is weary, heavy and torn... Wandering within the inner catacombs of a self-destructive mind.

I want to reach out toward the light, but find that it's just too far away... I see it shimmering before me, beckoning me... 

But I'm devoured by dancing shadows...not threatening or suffocating, but loving and comforting. Their embrace is not cold, quite the contrary. Their presence telling me without words... I'm not alone.

A broken smile hangs from my lips as the pressure lifts slightly from my chest. More time to grieve...more pain to wash clean...

And within this silence... I can see...you're finally Free.

And it's not as bad as I thought it would be.

-Anon-

Magical Caffeinated Musings O Doom!

 *drags herself around the apartment like a Thriller Zombie Reject looking for her brain*

Morning... *yawns* 

Damn...I am Very tired this morning. Falling asleep was a little easier, seein' as I found my lil MP3, charged it, put a few new songs on it and decided to listen to music when I got into bed. I used to listen to music every time I went to bed because it helped me sleep and the music would bleed into my dreams. Sometimes it would create a whole new atmosphere, which was always entertaining.

*takes a hefty sip of her coffee o doom* 

Last night, I proceeded to use a new song list;

Johnny Cash's 'The Beast In Me' 

Mark Lanegan's Cover of 'The Beast In Me'

'Sora' from Escaflowne (A song my wonderful Mel sent me many years ago)

'Lil Red Riding Hood' Cover by Laura Gibson (From the car commercial)

Jen Titus, 'O'Death' (From Supernatural)  

Ellie Goulding, 'Hanging On' (without the Rap, heard on the God Of War Ascension Trailer)

Sarah Fimm, 'Be What You Want To Be'

All Haunting songs... And Man, talk about some strange dreams. I fell asleep to Cash's Soul Wrenching Voice, and Woke up to it lol

And yes, there's a bit of a 'Theme' goin' on here... I'm surprised I didn't dream of Werewolves lol *chuckles and chugs down the last bit of her coffee*

Strangely, I've been itching to write a Supernatural FanFiction... Not a warm'n'fuzzy 'what if' kind either. Something twisted, dark and skin crawling. The kind that makes you want to Hug the closest thing to you and watch something happy. *grins* 

I'm still scribbling down notes for that 'Epic Dream' I had recently, and let me tell ya... It's seriously Creepy. It's definitely got the Aliens feel to it.

*  *  *

Just imagine you're consumed in darkness, metal conduits lining the steel walls like metallic veins inside a sleeping beast. Your breath is ragged as you walk slowly, carefully along the metal grating. Your boots feeling heavier with every step, your mind is racing as a strange fog begins to pool along the deck. It pulses and swirls, an eerie glow dancing within its misty form as if it's consuming any source of light it encounters. As though its alive...floating just inches off the deck, making you want to stop and turn back, to get as far away as you can. But where would you go? Held within the depths of an outer rim space station, an old structure long since abandoned... Trapped like a lifeless satellite orbiting aimlessly beside a nearby planet. There's only the walls of man-made reinforced steel between you and that unforgiving darkness. Nothing more than a spec of life within the black.

Wrap your brain around that for a second. Imagine the overwhelming sense of helplessness... The spine chilling truth that you have No Control. That if there's even the smallest breach...everything would Stop. But it wouldn't be a quick death... Your heart hitches at the thought of feeling your organs trying to escape your body all at once... Not to mention your blood vessels exploding inside your veins. Such a horrifically Painful death... You swallow down the hard lump in the back of your throat and shake your head, trying to rid yourself of those terrifying thoughts.

You decide to push forward, continue your journey through the unknown bowels of the station, as if a wordless voice is calling to you from somewhere in the distance... Beckoning your presence. You don't know why you're being pulled into the darkness when a chill is dancing along your spine. A primitive knowing that not everything is as it seems. You even fight off the images of Dead Space and Event Horizon, thinking that this isn't a Movie... Shit like that doesn't happen. But than you remember LV-426... You suddenly remember those Obsidian Shadows coming out of the walls... 

Wait... The very same Creatures that blended into their surroundings... Appearing like nothing more than Metallic Piping you'd see inside a ship.

That's when your heart jumps into your throat and you completely halt in your footsteps.

*  *  *To Be Continued*  *  *

Creepy, right? *grins* And on that note... I needs me s'more coffee goodness... So I can return a lil while later and continue telling you about that Dream ;)

*Waves*

-Adieu

Coffee, Music and Musings ^_^

Good Morrow muh luvlies ^_^

I don't know if there's anything awesome to talk about other than the randomness that dances through my mind like a group of hyper squirrels foraging for nuts in a giant ball pit. 

*chuckles*

Maybe it's due to the fact that it's such a Gorgeous day today. The sun is shining, warm golden light pouring over a colorful landscape as birds sing within the safety of the treetops. Feeling the warmth of the sun bleeding in through the blinds as a cool breeze whispers past; a gentle hint of magnolia mixed with the crisp scent of sea salt. The aroma of Spring. 

It brings a quiet smile to my lips... I love it ^_^

Oh, Random Thought!

Really? Cuz I like Cheese!! O.o

 *chuckles'n'shakes her head*

Do you ever stop and find yourself fascinated with something you generally use everyday and never truly think twice about? 

Like our Thumbs for instance... We have them, like most other species of Animal, and like some species, they're opposable.

Do you ever stop, even for a moment and wonder... What life would be like if they weren't? Or if you never had any at all? Do you ever wonder how you would adjust or adapt without such simple yet complex part of your hand?

Texting alone, would be pretty difficult, don't you think? Such a simple part of the hand and yet they (thumbs) are so very crucial in our everyday lives that we never stop... And think of how wonderful it is...to have been born with opposable thumbs.

A random thought, but one that can take hold of you and make your mind wander on the endless possibilities of what one could go through without them.

Thumbs... An interesting feature we all have and never truly appreciate. Definitely something worth thinking about ;)

After that cuteness O Doom... I think I shall venture forth and find interesting things and shtuff...or sumfin'...and junk... Oo

lol

-Adieu

Is Odin Trying to Tell Me Something?

You ever have one of those, “What in the hell…” moments?

I just had one of those… Like the universe just slapped a post it note on my forehead that reads, ‘TADA!’

Here’s why…

For you see, I’ve always written about a Massive Beast… Guardian of an Abyss. And just recently wrote the following;

I stand my ground as it approaches me; massive head craning down to bring its powerful jaws to my small hand. I can feel its hot breath enveloping my skin, the delicate hairs bristle and stand on end as Goosebumps rise along my flesh. I can feel the thrum of its life force dancing into my pores, trickling through the muscle and bone…flooding my veins.

I fight the urge to catch my breath, knowing I need to be still, knowing this is a test. My hand remains out stretched as those razor sharp canines fill my sight, the jaws partially open, as if considering a bite. But I refuse to show fear, refuse to back away. I have just this moment…this is the role I have to play.

An offering of complete trust, so fragile and delicate before this immense power, given form in the guise of a monstrous beast.

I’ve also written about it being ‘Restrained’ or ‘Caged’ and about it wanting to break free. That it’s not out to hurt Me, but Protect Me. 

(Keep following along, it gets even stranger)

So…I had this dream a few years ago (That never made any sense) where I was standing at the bottom of the cliffs near my home overseeing the Pacific, when I opened my arms and ‘Willed’ Some Thing from the depths. As I did this, the head of a Snake emerged from the ocean (You ever see the New Queen Mary? Ya, just it’s HEAD was That Big) and it was peering down at me as it started to rise…and rise…and rise… It seemed endless as it ascended into the heavens while thousands upon thousands of Snakes, of all kinds, began to sliver away from the Ocean, passing me and going further inland. 

I remember people panicking and running to get the hell outta dodge when a voice exclaimed, “By The Gods…what have you done?”

I turned and there was one male human, standing between Two Human-like Werewolves who stood at least 6’8, wearing clothes, all sharing  the same horrified expression on their faces.

I remembering feeling a sense of Sadistic Justice, and with a maniacal grin on my face I purred, “Don’t worry…it’s just Leviathan.”

And than I woke up.

Here’s where it gets really strange…

I’m slightly familiar with Norse mythology, but I’ve never truly known who Fenrir was. Recently, I’ve been seeing that name allot and have felt a pull to do some research on him.

I was floored by what I’d found.

1st Excerpt; “Norse mythology, a monstrous wolf who was a major threat to the gods until they found a way to chain him, using a magic fetter. The name Fenrir means "from the swamp." Also known as the Fenriswolf, he was the offspring of the trickster fire god Loki. His sister was the goddess Hel and his brother the evil serpent Jormungand.”

2nd Except; “Fenrir was suspicious because of the thinness of the band. The gods agreed to free him if he could not break out of the fetter himself, but Fenrir was still reluctant to have it put on him. He asked that someone put their hand into his mouth as a pledge that the gods were acting in good faith. 

None of the gods was willing to take such a risk, knowing full well the deceit, but then Tyr stepped forward and put his right hand into the wolf's mouth, making the sacrifice that would keep the gods safe. Fenrir was bound with Gleipnir, and he tried with all his might but could not snap it. The gods laughed to see the wolf's distress--except for Tyr: Fenrir closed his mouth on Tyr's hand at the wrist.”

 (You can go to the Original post Here)

So…strange about my ‘Beast in Chains, hand offering’ writing… Even creepier is Dreaming of that Damned Snake, and only a few hours ago…learning about Fenrir’s Brother and I found a picture that ran chills throughout my body of the Serpent known as Jormungand

 What do you think? Weird, right?

Cuz honestly… I got nuthin’

-Adieu

"Insert Catchy Title Of Doom"

The world is comfortable, safe even... You feel weightless, drifting through the landscape of your own creation, knowing that here, you're free. Characters in this play all know your name, you don't feel the insecurities of everyday reality. There's a freedom here, a place you know you can come to whenever you close your eyes...

Until the heartbeat skips a beat, blood flowing at a normal pace through the veins, causing your breathing to hitch and forcing you to take a deep breath... Tearing you away from that safe, warm place. Your eyes flutter open, a groan trapped in the back of your throat as sunlight bleeds through the cracks in the blinds covering your windows. Another soft groan resonates in your chest and you try to shift to a new position against your bed, and once semi comfortable, drifting back to the safety of dreams... A pressure stabs at your midsection. Your body warning you that you must pay homage to the porcelain gods.

So with a low growl, you drag yourself from your bed and shuffle from one room to another, heading toward the bathroom with resentment in your wake.

And than, if you're anything like me... Drag yourself through the house in a Zombie-like haze, get your coffee on and sit your grumpy ass down at the computer to write about the magicalness of being dragged out of a decent sleep by your body warning you that your internal plumbing is close to bursting. *chuckles and sips her coffee O doom*

No Nightmares, which is fantastic. I tend to have more than a few during the week, sometimes it's a short segment of a Nightmare that bleeds into a new dream, getting cut off before it gets out of hand and I struggle to claw myself back to consciousness with my heart trying to crawl its way out of my throat. And those are the ones that could make very interesting stories...

*yawns and looks into her now empty coffee mug* One moment... I needs me s'more magical caffeine goodness ^_^ *shuffles toward kitchen o doom*

And now I wait, as the microwave sends waves of radioactive goodness into the water in my cup, cooking it from the inside out, and once that beep sounds I shall wander back into the depths of my tiny kitchen to mix up another strong cup of insta-coffee o doom and return to write down s'more entertaining rambling goodness ^_^ 

*Hears the DING* Yay! *scampers off*

And...I'm back ^_^ Coffee goodness has been achieved and now I can ramble on in a goofy fashion ^_^

Image Created By Me; Onyx Wildcat

Now... What else to muse about? 

How about... Anger.

The kind you hold down, keep caged, knowing that to allow a breech will do nothing good in the long run. So you hold the Animal at bay, cooing to it with soft reassurances that it's not time yet. Gotta stay calm, be still. Remain silent. It snarls its irritation but obeys, waiting impatiently for that opportunity of release... The moment you can't keep it restrained, blind sided by too many emotions all at once, allowing it to burst from its cage and come roaring to the surface like Fenrir snapping his chains.

My Anger has been silent for quite some time... Waiting, watching. Scrutinizing every detail of its surroundings while plotting its attack. Its been thrumming with energy, growing steadily everyday as I try to trudge onward through this sanity-testing existence. 

But recently... The cracks have been left open, allowing the Animal to push its nose against the breach, jaws hung agape as it tastes the scent of freedom flowing in from the other side. Something has changed in the energy surrounding its living cage, a curious thing that causes it to be still.

Suddenly the walls of its tomb break and fall away, leaving it standing within darkness...

It takes a careful step forward, waiting to be thrown back into its cage... But nothing happens. Intrigued, it continues in its calculated movements, drawn to a sliver of soft golden light in the distance, like a beacon shimmering through a storm.

As it approaches, the sliver becomes brighter, and realizes its a door...left open. Cautiously, it presses its muzzle against the handle, a slight bump, and the door swings out.

Pain stings the light sensitive depths like delicate needles as the Animal fights to readjust to the brightness of the new room.

As the agony ebbs and fades away, its able to focus once more...and realizes there's someone standing within that all-consuming glow.

It takes a moment for the brain to register the shadowed silhouette is a kindred soul... And feels a surge of adrenaline when a familiar face peers into its deadly gaze with a grin.

A soft lull echoing all around them muses, "Let's play."

*  *  *

So in short, the anger I generally bury and keep hidden, is now sleeping just beneath the surface, calmly waiting for that moment...when I call its name.

Why I've allowed the breach, the rise of the Beast... Is due to the exhaustion of being warn down by painful words when I should be protecting myself. I'm tired of hiding. Tired of being attacked by honey coated daggers that are left embedded in my flesh. Life is too short to be run over by those who think they can. Those who've become far too comfortable in their tyranny against others. Believing they can push people around because no one has the backbone to face them and put them in their place.

Well, I'm tired of cowering in fear. I am Not going to be a thing to disrespect and emotionally batter due to someone's immature behavior. 

This, 'I'm going to Hurt you because you've Hurt me' schoolyard attitude is unacceptable. And I will no longer tolerate it. I have tried to show you the utmost respect and care for your well being...and at my lowest, you spat your childless resentment back in my face. You reveled in it like a god damned bully hurting someone physically weaker than you.

*grows a very unpleasant smile* You're about to learn that I am indeed, Not Weak. And that now, after all the emotions tore through me like a homicidal hurricane...something, simply... Snapped. All those buried energies were released, the debris washed away and I am once again able to peer at the world no longer broken and fragmented...but Whole. Emotions intact. The only difference this time...after so many years... That Anger I'd buried within the depths of my psyche... I've willingly released. No longer separate; two parts of one whole torn apart by fear and pain. Now living as a single energy, waiting for that window of opportunity to put you in your place.

And honestly... I can't wait for the moment I throw you off your high horse and watch you land, head first, eating the very same dirt you rubbed in my face.

'Treat Others, As You, Yourself, Want To Be Treated' It seems I need to refresh your memory on what that phrase actually means...

*Smirks and sips her coffee*

And on that magical note of doom, *soft chuckle* I shall bid thee anon and see what kind of shenanigans I can get myself into...

YAY!! Shenanigans!!!

-Adieu