Chaotic Internal Workings

Moments caress the chaotic mind as thoughts tangle themselves within the intricate web of a tireless imagination. Words remain fleeting, tiny drops of rain falling into a vast ocean of secrets.

I struggle to catch them, beckoning them toward me like wayward moths fluttering toward a distant flame. I know they can feel me, an invisible hand reaching out to touch them... Calling them home.

But they continue to elude me, scattering along the internal winds of an all consuming abyss.

*sighs and sips her monster goodness*

I try to write, something with feeling, and the words tangle themselves at the back of my mind, leaving my fingers unable to voice them. It's definitely frustrating... Especially when I feel this energy coiling up inside of me, wanting to erupt. It's been a steady process, this internal movement. The separate thing dwelling within the darkness of my inner sanctuary. 

It's hungry again... Ravenous. Begging for just a taste of freedom; the edge of its razor like talons slicing into vulnerable flesh, the hot rush of crimson spraying along its powerful muzzle... The scent of a fresh kill as rows of curved sabres tear into that mouth-watering heat as the light fades from unseeing eyes...

Heh...that wasn't dark, huh? *chuckles and shakes her head* It's interesting what the words began to paint when I stop thinking and let my thoughts take over my hands.

Guess I've got allot of pent up energy that's just itching for release. I'm trying to keep this as mild as possible, when all that wants to be written is...well... Definitely Not PG13 friendly. Even if my blog is suited for Adult Content, I'm still censoring myself, to a degree anyway. I dunno... I guess it's my shyness coming through. A soft whisper in the back of my thoughts, 'careful...don't wanna shock or offend anyone' though, writing about a beast hunting something isn't exactly family friendly, it's the lesser of two evils. Well, to me anyway.

The last thing I want to do is just start writing a steamy, smut-filled story and get back lash for it. I'd rather go with the scary... Why? I dunno...easier to digest? Hell I don't know...

However, when I do write somethin' kinda sexy, I tend to get allot of awesome feedback. Maybe that's why I'm avoiding it? Not wanting to draw attention to myself? Oi...I'm confuzzled. XD

Maybe I should stop fighting myself...see what I come up with. 

*  *  *

The scent was intoxicating... Wafting into the senses and causing the chest to ache with anticipation. There was something primitive calling out to him... Begging, gently...come to me... The growl started in the back of his throat and reverberated through his powerful chest at the thought of collecting the owner of that delicious scent.

*  *  *

And that's all I got...dammit lol XD Well, for now anyway ;)

I think I'm gunna ingest s'more caffeine goodness and start getting ready for work that I have this afternoon...and who knows, maybe my thoughts will be less chaotic and more structured later and then, I'll finally be able to write something.

And on that note muh luvlies...

-Adieu

Creative Prose O'Doom

Golden streams of light dance gently through the open windows as the scent of the ocean and crisp grass hang on the edge of a playful breeze. The morning itself is beautiful; cheerful voices of song birds lifting toward the heavens as they frolic and play within the thick tree tops.

I sit here within the surrounding peace and sway slowly back and forth to Tom Petty and the Heart Breakers', 'Free Falling' pouring in through the small headphones placed in my ears. The music swells through me as I reach over and bring my small coffee mug to my lips only to drink down the rest of my instant-coffee goodness. And having ingested the last of my first cup, I shall proceed to make another ^_^

While I sit and wait, my mind drifts through endless living catacombs of flesh and feeling... Thoughts and images strewn out along a breathing background of knowing silence; a sentient labyrinth hidden behind the sleeping eyes of a terrible leviathan.

These words trickle through me, slithering through broken hallways and forgotten passage ways of unspoken hunger and sensation. Energy that weaves through the intricate weavings of an over active mind, tantalizing and compelling...beckoning the mind to paint a portrait of untapped imaginings along a ghostly white canvas.

Music teases the senses; haunting and low as it seeps into my ears and causes the fine hairs on the back of my neck to bristle and stand on end. I can almost feel it weaving through my veins, heating my blood and forcing my breath to hitch. 

I love the way it affects me, bringing a sense of peace to the unsettled Animal hidden so deep within. A tortured beast that fights to break its internal cage of flesh and bone; an insatiable savage that thirsts for the ability to run, unrestrained within a world of endless possibilities. 

But when Music finds its way into that inner darkness, the empty space surrounding its powerful form of contained violence... It stills, even for a moment... And I can almost taste the calm that reflects within a pair of trapped jewels; intelligent starlight glowing silently within the black.

A smile curves the edge of my lips as the calm blossoms in my chest like an invisible fist of peace opening and trailing its fingertips through the delicate fibers of my being. 

*smiles and sips her coffee goodness* Gotta love Poetic Musings ^_^

It's another beautiful day (as I've so creatively described earlier) and I'm just enjoying the energy it brings. It's definitely worthy of poetic rambling :P

That, and I tend to be more creative with my writings O'doom when listening to music (not that it's obvious or anything) Oo lol

And coffee definitely helps...*grins behind coffee cup* 

And now I shall continue ingesting caffeine goodness and find something fun to do, for these brainmeats are all kinds of spaztic oO lol

-Adieu

Muh Brain Meats Is a Cookin'!

Warm, dry air coils around me... Seeking, relentless...for a weakness. Hellbent on finding a way to curl inside my tired flesh; the aching form fighting to keep the heat out. An internal struggle of elements, the negatively charged energy forceful as it attacks my delicate skin. But I will not bend, having lived in the land of fire and sand for a better portion of my life, I know how to keep this unwelcome warmth from burying itself uncomfortably in my veins.

I drench my hair with cold water, than pull my long, wet mane up into a messy bun at the top of my head and feel my temperature drop as the water trickles down my hot flesh. Works like a charm ;) Definitely forces the body temperature down when you don't have air conditioning due to how old your building is. Not that we ever truly need it, living not far from the mighty Pacific. But on days like this, you've gotta improvise.

 

Or you end up looking like you just walked of Dante's Inferno XD

*chuckles and sips her Monster O'Doom*

The end of a Long week... The Beginning of an eventful weekend ^_^ Though I'm exhausted and slightly warn out from living a relatively 'Normal' week, I really look forward to the escape of Faire and the Souls I've come to call Family.

*yawns and appears like a disgruntled ferret*

I think today is the first in quite awhile that I've woken up so late... Saying 10am is Late for me is like Doc Brown not knowing what a Flux Capacitor is Oo Dear Gods I could cause a Paradox in the Space Time Continuum, that could Jump Start the Zombie Apocalypse!!

...Great Scot...

*giggles'n'shakes her head* Yes, I am a dork :P

And seeing as I'm struggling to stay awake and cool off, I need to run amok and get ready for the weekend. 

-Adieu

Funny How Things Work Out

A wave of exhaustion rolls through aching bones as the brain roars to life; electrical impulses swelling through organic pathways, firing off and pulsing as thoughts echo through endless catacombs of living tissue. 

A yawn breaks through the quiet, as air is pulled into a pair of strong lungs, forcing the tired form to wake from its first night of actual rest. 

Blinking, heavy eyes peer into the ghostly face of the computer screen while long nails tap gently along black keys; words forming in small black print as fingers perform a rhythmic dance against the keyboard.

I awoke with a start this morning... Realizing it was not my Alarm bringing me back from the world of dreams, but my Father's thunder from behind my bedroom door. It's only then that I realized my alarm had Not gone off like planned. Growling, I nearly fell out of bed, thoughts still trapped in a haze of sleep and awake, not quite grasping the meaning of the time. As my feet traveled the small distance between my bed and door, only then did I realize I was running late.

After paying my morning homage to the porcelain gods, I tried to fight off the beginnings of an Anxiety Attack at the thought of how I was going to manage to get to work on time when it naturally takes me awhile to get going in the morning. And not just myself, but my Car as well. She's almost 43 years old, all steel and tends to soak up the damp, ocean air while she sleeps. So it tends to take her at least ten minutes to get properly warmed up in the morning. While I, need at least two hours prior to wake up properly so as to avoid my Anxiety boiling to the surface. So you can understand my mindset when I realized I had less than 30 minutes to get going.

I found out, however, that in contacting work that I may be late due to my alarm not going off properly, I was informed that I didn't need to be in til 9:15am. Which pushed away all the weight that had settled painfully against my chest and was able to take a very deep, needed breath.

So now I can relax and enjoy my instant-coffee O'Doom consumption, knowing that I don't have to leave until 8am. Which is definitely a relief, seeing as I finally did manage a full night of sleep and am still groggy from getting the hours I so desperately needed.

*chuckles at the image and proceeds to shuffle off to make another cup of instant Doom*

I find it amazing that there's only 3 weekends left of Faire. My Gods...has it really gone by so fast? Mayhaps it's due to having been busy during the week as I looked forward to every new weekend. Too distracted to sit, anxiously waiting for the days to pass.

*hears the beep O'Doom and scampers off to make her second cup*

Mmm sweet delicious goodness ^_^ *chuckles'n'shakes her head*

I'm just thankful that instead of my morning going wrong, it managed to right itself and I'm still looking forward to having a good day. Gotta love that Silver Lining ;) Or maybe I rather enjoy seeking out the Positive in this, rather than focus on unneeded negativity that will do me no good in the long run. Ya... I'll go with that :P

Also, the Poetic Blog I wrote last night just before I went to bed... Was definitely strange. Not something I've done in a long time. It has no real structure, just a painting of words that when blended, no longer seem like chaotic splashes of thoughts, but turned into accidental art. Or something... O.o *smirks at her own dorkiness* No idea what possessed me to write it in the first place, but it felt good to do so. Maybe I needed it? *shrugs and takes a drink of her caffeine O'Doom*

Well my luvlies, I think it's time I bid thee anon, and ingest as much of this delicious Doom as I can before getting ready to start my day.

-Adieu

Hidden Behind Tired Eyes

Thoughts in my head, endless and relentless... Streaming away from me... Images, pictures of flickering movement... Haunting.

I should be sleeping, but the mind is a devilish trickster... Whispering, seducing...beckoning, 'Come Play.'

I fight the urge, this primal need... To feel the adrenaline tear through me... Devouring, burning, scolding away the sins of broken yesterdays.

Taste of the divine, sticky sweet and heavenly. Filling me until I've been hollowed out by love.

Will I feel this embrace again? That unseen hand reaching out to hold me when the darkness forgets my name... Casting shattered images of warmth along the walls of my wounded soul. Weeping in the silence as the tears fade to dust...nothing more than a lost angel drowning within the arms of an unforgiving fate.

I can't put the pieces back together, fragmented reality slipping from bloodied fingertips. They tremble as I struggle to hold on; teeth clenched in determination to gain back the person I was meant to be.

Careless were the moments taken for granted. Not having them here...able to touch and laugh... To see intelligent starlight sparkling within smiling eyes. The purest souls taken too soon... Regret the poison that strangles my heart and leaves me choking on my pleas for one more moment... Such precious, fleeting things...

Time a chrysalis of an unknown tomorrow.

To have that back, a second brought forth through memory. A living capsule trapped within the tireless weavings of an over-active mind. Gods how I miss them. Bittersweet and haunting... Breaking me.

These words, falling freely through delicate fingertips. They dance, so fluidly, so beautifully as bloodshot eyes fight to remain open.

And now as the song 'Moonlit Sonata' comes to gentle close through the intricate wires of my headphones... I will finally take my leave. Desperate for sleep to find me...and mayhaps, in dreams... I will find solace.

-Anon-

*growls angrily at the Sun*

Darkness swells all around me, as the haunting chorus of dawn trickles in through the open windows; songbirds singing their praises to the rising sun.

I am disgruntled... Exhausted and aching as time rolls by at a snail's pace, reminding me of the sleep that was stolen from me. I tried in vain, to sleep at a decent hour...but for some ungodly reason, the internal mechanisms within would not allow a proper shutdown. I tossed and turned, desperately reaching toward nightly oblivion, but found that every time I took to the edge and tried to unravel my wings... A disembodied hand reached out from consciousness and tore me away; dragging me; kicking and screaming, back into my body.

One hour of fighting myself, than found myself forced to go to the bathroom. Went back into the shadowed sanctuary of my room and tried again...only to find myself wide awake and ended up struggling with myself until I was too weak to fight anymore, and finally laid back down around a few minutes to 2am. After an hour of finally falling asleep, I was surged awake by the sound of my alarm blaring at 5am. 

So it's safe to say I am Not in the best of moods. I've had a total of possibly 3 hours, and I have to be in my Car and on my way by 6:30am. Work today, should only be til 11:30am, but I won't get home until 1pm if I hit normal traffic.

*growls softly and sips her Very bitter instant coffee* Oh and you know you're an avid coffee drinker when you find that the milk you generally use to cut back on some of the harshness, has expired and you are forced to dump the remainder and instead, use cold water to at least cool it down so you can get some kind of caffeine.

*swigs back a few gulps and lets out an angry yawn*

So ya...today's gunna be just... Shiny. *Smirks'n'shakes her head* I'm leaving early so I can stop and get some freshly brewed coffee, and not have to speed to where I need to be. I'm sure my 43 year old Ellie will appreciate it. And when I finally do get home, I'm going to have to fight myself to stay awake as long as physically possible, crash around 8pm if I'm lucky and do this all over again tomorrow.

Whoot... *growls and chugs her bitter cup of caffeine* ...Wish me luck...

-Adieu

I R a Disgruntled Zombuh...

I stare, unfocused at the rich, dark liquid in my small Halloween themed mug... My brain still dancing with fading images of another place, a world that exists beyond the veil of dreams... A place I find myself missing every time I'm brought back to consciousness. Another home I still see, in fleeting glimpses every time I close my heavy eyes while my brain fights to steady itself. 

The coffee helps, even if it's instant, it's still warm and still gives me my morning caffeine. I'll definitely need a stronger cup after I finish this first one, seeing as I've woken to a Beautiful gloomy morning only the Ocean brings. It's a wonderful Marine Layer dancing across the heavens, blocking out most of the harsh morning rays and allowing a cool sea breeze to trail invisible fingers along my overheated flesh. 

*grows a small smile and takes a hefty drink of the dark liquid*

This past weekend at Faire was a Very Good one. It was Pirate Weekend, one Many people look forward to each season. Patron and Participant alike. I felt at home in my Swashbuckling Garb while interacting with many beloved Scallywags I've come to call Family over the years. Many entertaining shenanigans ensued, especially during the Joust. I had such a great time with my Audiences on both days, being a complete dork and making so many people laugh hysterically during the 'calm portions' of the Joust, while we all waited for things to kick up into gear. 

I was pleasantly surprised and greatly humbled after each Day, when Audience members would come up to me and tell me that I was the Highlight of the entire show. That I was more entertaining than the Joust itself lol That, was incredibly humbling to hear. It's very touching to know that I made so many people laugh and have a genuinely good time ^_^

It's funny to think that I was so nervous the very first day at the beginning of Faire, not really sure how to get everyone excited and amped up for the show... But now I just walk over, wave and start by saying something silly, get a couple of giggles and go from there. I've learned to relax and have realized all I have to do, is be my goofy self and people generally respond really well to that. The running Joke with the Rousers is that all they have to do is just let me loose on the public LOL

*chuckles, takes another drink of her coffee and shakes her head*

Also got some pretty awesome pictures taken. At one point there was a Huge Pirate Gathering on Saturday, by the Joust and we all filled up one of the sections for pictures. It was amazing. I can't wait to see how those pictures look ^_^

Sunday however, though amazing itself, had a bittersweet ending. We had a memorial service for those we've lost, held in the FOF Garden. It was a beautiful Service, and though I and Many others tried to keep it together, the tears spilled from our stinging eyes, dashing down our cheeks and we were helpless to stop it. Especially seeing Lory's beautiful face, Smiling brightly from her picture on the Memorial wall... 

*takes a calming breath and chugs the rest of her cup of instant coffee* 

Also hearing Her Name being called, Along with Becky and Erick and a few others we'd all come to know and love... It was touching but heart breaking. But we were all with Family, and though there was tears, we all managed to be there for each other. And is yet another reason why, I Love Faire so very much. It's my Second Home.

*grows a small smile* And Now...another cup of instant-coffee goodness is needed.

I think, for now... I shall run off and try to wake myself up s'more and eventually get ready for work, which thankfully I don't have to leave for until 1:40pm. Yay... *zombuh flail* lol 

-Adieu