It's Always Darkest Before The Dawn

Darkness surrounds a quiet figure as night fights to remain within a sleeping landscape... Knowing that there's precious moments left before the first rays of a new dawn chase the watchful shadows away in streams of honey colored light.

An over active mind dances with life; mechanisms churning and twisting in a tireless fashion as electrical impulses race from one pathway to the next. An organic labyrinth filled with playful imaginings hidden behind endless doorways; secret passages that seem to go into eternity.

That's a pretty way of saying I'm half asleep but my brain is on full power *chuckles'n'sips her instant coffee o doom*

I probably should've gone to bed sooner... 'Probably' being the keyword here *smirks* but I had things to do, one of which was finally finding muh friggin' bloomers that I need to complete my garb for Faire (aka Southern California's Renaissance Faire) because today, is the Dress Rehearsal before Opening Weekend...which is next weekend; April 6th.

Ya see, I usually get kinda giddy the night before, so it's normal that I don't get enough sleep, and seein' as I have to show up in Full Garb (along with thousands of other Participants) I became even more excited and had to put that extra energy to good use. I even made a point to workout (I've been lacking for a little while due to bein' a little stressed) made myself feel a lil noodley but still had too much energy. And I needed to find those gorramed bloomers! *chuckles'n'shakes her head*

After watching Grimm with my Dad (I need to watch that Series from the beginning) I got off my butt and ventured into the nightmarish depths that is my room. (No, it's not a huge mess. It's become more of a storage room, which will change Very soon once I'm able to go through several things and get rid of them) Now here's the comical portion.

I'm standing there, slightly perplexed as to why I have this vivid memory of these Bloomers, but couldn't for the life of me, remember where the hell they were hiding. So, I decided to ask for help. "Lory, a little help?" I mused aloud, hands on my hips... When I clearly heard her voice reply, "Check the Suitcase." 

I blinked, wondering if I was actually imagining it...but found myself even more stumped when I realized there was a suitcase in front of me, buried beneath a few bags, set on top of this old love seat that's been in my room since the Ice Age (It seriously needs to go). That was the last place I ever thought to look.

So I ventured toward it and had to remove a bag filled with old clothes I need to wash, sort and take to a goodwill, and as I neared the suitcase I heard, quite loudly in my head, "Wait, that one."

"The bag?" I asked while pointing to the one I was about to lift. I swear I heard that Sigh she always made before she gave the 'Look', which meant she was going to smack you with something, pinch you or bite you. "Yes, bonehead, that one." Was the flat retort I received in my thoughts and could only chuckle and shook my head.

And wouldn't ya know... I opened that bag and there they were! "Hey, look at that! I got Bloomers!" I exclaimed to an empty room and Lory's voice filled my head, "There ya go." I could almost hear her smiling.

"Thanks Lory." I announced warmly and just as I was putting everything back in place I hear her add, "You're welcome... Now clean your damn room!" Hearing that, followed by her evil giggles actually made me snort and start laughing.

I seriously would Not have found them had I not been given a little help. I can't say for sure if it was really Lory talking to me (It almost felt like being on the phone with her, if that makes any sense) or if it was me just being crazy (which I am, to an extent lol).

But I found my bloomers and just so happened to have a needle and thread to finally sew up the tear I'd made in them Years ago. I stitched them up, put them with the rest of my garb and got my butt to bed.

*pauses to take a drink of her second cup of caffeine as a thoughtful look dances across her face* Ya know... I realize that I tend to remain happy-go-lucky after someone passes... I grasp on to those happy memories and try to remain positive as best I can... Because if I stop, even for a moment, and really think about it... The pain begins to well up in my chest and I feel my heart begin to break.

I've been trying so very hard to stay focused on everything I've been busying myself with. But...I am mourning. I just don't like sharing it. I don't want others to see I'm hurting when they're hurting too. I don't want to make it about me, because it sure as hell isn't. We're all hurting. Some more than others. So I try to remain bubbly, thinking that maybe my natural spaztic self will ease the pain, even a little, for those who really need it.

I truly miss Lory (among so many others) so very much, that as I write this...tears threaten to spill down my face. Lory especially. Faire honestly Will Not be the same. I know she'll be there, in her own way... But... Like so many others, I feel like we've been cheated... Her flight came way too early and we didn't have enough time to properly wish her a safe journey.

*takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly and chugs some of her coffee*

And on that happy note... The breeze just kicked up out of nowhere, birds have begun singing and the dark horizon is slowly beginning to glow with the new day. Which means I finish this, finish my coffee, get clean and get myself in Garb.

*huggles tight*

-Adieu

Even In Dreams, I'm Not Alone

A world held deep within the mind... As we fall into dreams, we become immersed in our very own plays. Feeling as though we're alive in real places, with real people so very far away from the harsh reality of life. It's amazing that in these dreams, sometimes so vivid I'd swear they were actual memories... 

There are times, that while I'm traveling the world of sleep, I find myself in familiar places. But they're not a replica of my waking world. It's hard to explain. There are places in my dreams that feel as familiar to me as my own home, places I know only exist when I close my eyes. And there have been times when I've wished I could bring pictures back with me when I return to consciousness.

There was a dream I'd traveled the other night, that was strange yet comforting. 

*  *  *

Day had bled off into the horizon as night lifted a graceful hand and brushed starlight along the growing darkness. Crowds of faceless strangers moved along a boardwalk like blood flowing through the veins as I began pushing my way past them; destination unknown. At first I was calm, knowing that I just needed to focus on placing one foot after the other and keep my eyes forward so I didn't accidentally run into anyone that was walking passed.

But something had changed. A strange feeling of dread danced along my spine, causing the fine hairs on the back of my neck to bristle and stand on end. A heaviness filled my chest and my stomach began to tie itself in knots... And I remember clenching my jaws in frustration; the sharp sting of instinct, telling me that I was being followed.

My shoulders tensed and my gait changed. I was no longer relaxed. Every muscle throughout my body tensed and began to hum with adrenaline, causing me to pick up the pace with longer strides. I didn't know Who was following me, but from the energy curling along my skin like a warning of a violent storm, I knew it was Male.

I kept my head down and my eyes forward. I had to get off that boardwalk and find a public place. Somewhere well lit with people. Somewhere that wasn't that damned stretch of platform full of faceless drones set more as background than actual people. Nothing more than under paid extras in the movie playing in my mind.

I knew if something happened as I neared the sidewalk away from the beach, no one would try to help me. There was no safety there. I felt like prey trying to sneak away in the high brush as a predator stalked my every move. I also knew that breaking into a run would only quicken the attack. I had to fight every instinct to stay at that steady, fast pace. I had to blend with the streams of people as they walked on either side.

A part of my brain was screaming out for someone, anyone to be out there that could help me. Someone that I knew could hear me call out to him without ever uttering a sound. I felt a small snap of electricity dance through me, as if my soundless plea had been heard... But I was completely blind as to where he might be. What if he were thousands of miles away and was helpless to get to me before that creature hidden in the guise of a Man found me? 

A deep thunder filled my mind with just one word. Run. I didn't even have time to process the fact that I heard his voice behind my eyes when my body reacted. In an instant I was suddenly running, bounding forward through the crowds, hellbent on getting across the street to any source of safety. I felt the energy of danger just behind me, trying to stay on my heels before I got too far ahead. The sound of a river roared behind my ears as my heart hammered within my chest. I had to get away. I had to get away NOW.

My foot hit the pavement but it was too late. Before I could bring my other foot forward, two large hands grabbed me from behind and tried to yank me off my feet. I snarled, braced both legs against the ground, sprang back up and threw all of my weight backward, knowing it would throw him off balance.

It helped just enough for one of his hands to lose its grip on my waist, giving me just a few seconds to squirm around like a cat at the vet, causing him to drop me.

As soon as I hit the ground, I rolled and jumped back onto my feet, ready to throw myself into a full sprint when my left leg was kicked out from beneath me and ended up face first against the cracked sidewalk. A jolt of pain danced through me, but I didn't have time to register it when I was dragged backward; strong hands clamped around my ankles.

I started clawing the ground, desperate to find purchase, when a deep growl echoed all around me and those hands were suddenly gone.

I blinked and jumped back onto my feet, but almost buckled as pain shot up from my right ankle. Struggling to stay standing, I swallowed back the hiss that welled up in the back of my throat and turned toward my would be attacker.

That's when I noticed where I really was... The boardwalk filled with people...was gone. I found myself standing on a long stretch of a two lane highway with desert for as far as the eye could see. When I looked up into the night sky, there were not only stars...but several spiraling universes and three large planets replacing the moon. I was stunned into silence...

Confused, I stole my eyes away from the alien sky and toward the reason I was safe.

Shimmering blue/silver met my gaze as a beast of a man stood before me. There was something different about him... But it wasn't a noticeable thing. It was hidden within his silence as he peered down at me with those haunting eyes. I searched that handsome face and noticed a thin line of red at the left corner of his full lips. I brought my hand to his chin and gently wiped the blood away with a careful swipe of my thumb; knowing that it was because of me.

I could feel the apology fill my eyes as I began to bring my hand away, but was stopped when his left hand took hold of my wrist. I should've jumped, but the energy in his silence kept me still. I swallowed back the slight ball of anxiety from the back of my throat when he urged me toward him.

I felt the growl before it left his lips when a low chuckle danced around me, "come here." He rumbled in that living thunder and pulled me into his arms, pressing me flush against him.

I was hesitant at first, but felt myself melt within his embrace and buried my face against his warmth...

That no matter what... I was safe. 

Knowing...he was always with me.

One of my very First photo Manips :D

*  *  *

That's when I woke up.

*takes a drink of her instant coffee o doom* Kinda trippy, huh? *smiles* Man... I really do have the strangest dreams...

-Adieu

Zombie, Interrupted

Agreed!! lol XD

Sitting within the early morning light, song birds sing their praises into the trees, allowing the playful breeze to carry the melody of Spring into the sky. It's a beautiful day as I attempt to shake my zombie-like state, sipping the warm contents of my instant-coffee of doom, hoping it works faster with every drink I take.

And as I sit here, my mind pushes away the cloud of sleep that surrounds my thoughts like a thick fog sent from Silent Hill. *giggles at the image of a tiny Pyramid Head running in terror from a disgruntled hamster in a giant wheel, hellbent on running him over*

ACK! It's a Chibi Pyramid Head! RUN!...err, away? O.o

Not gunna lie, that mental image is going to continue making me giggle until I finally sketch it out, turning it into a mini comic XD

I actually feel pretty good right now, considering my body is suffering the monthly cycle O doom. It's funny, I tend to act like a guy about it... Because when it 'Crash Lands' I'm sitting here going, "Didn't this Just happen a Month ago?!" *chuckles'n'shakes her head*

As I sit here, I try to think of something interesting to talk about... But find myself running into a proverbial 'brick wall' because I'm still partially asleep and the hamster in my head is too busy going after 'Mini Pyramid Head' *laughs softly and takes another drink of her insta-coffee O doom*

Mmm Intsa-coffee... Tis ever so magical...and shtuff...err, sumthin'...O.o

*shakes her head* I am a silly munkee this morning XD

I guess the only interesting thing I can think of currently to talk about, is that as I watched 'Girl, Interrupted' the other night... I came to realize that Susanna (Winona Ryder) and Lisa (Angelina Jolie) are actually different parts of my personality that I identify with. Susanna is the confused, broken, sensitive writer, and Lisa is the rebellious, wild-child with serious anger issues. Thankfully, I'm a healthy balance of Both, but it was interesting for me to finally realize Why I enjoyed that movie so much. It was as though I was watching it for the first time. Noticing little things I hadn't picked up on before.

It's actually a brilliant movie, and shows how very different things are (considering this movie was based on 1968) but also still very similar. Especially the part where I believe a Guidance Counselor of her High School was asking her why she was the only Senior who didn't plan to go to college and what she planned to do with her life. 

Susanna replied with, "I want to be a writer." To which the woman just blinked at her and repeated, "But what do you plan to do with your life." Completely disregarding what Susanna just told her. As if writing wasn't an actual 'Career' (different times I guess). But not completely... I remember dealing with the same kind of Old Fashioned Attitude growing up.

I wanted to Act, Sing and Write... And was badgered as a child into early Adult Hood that it would never amount to anything, and I should just focus on finding a good husband (That's 'Old Country' values for ya lol).

Even with certain Adults telling me what I 'Should' and 'Shouldn't Do', I decided to do what was Best for Me and what made Me Happy. I was respectful of their advice, but I could never be someone I'm not, or go against my own nature. If my personal decisions have no real effect on you and your life, and I'm harming none, than why continue to press your own views on me, when I wouldn't do that to you? (That right there, can be said for a Great many issues currently happening in our world today. Especially the whole 'Marriage' thing.)

My view on that Topic is simple. Everyone, Deserves the Right, to be just as Miserable as Everybody else ^_^ *chuckles* You know what I mean ;)

This world is big enough for everyone, but I suppose its Human Nature to nit-pick and attack things it just doesn't understand. And instead of making the effort to Learn and Understand, they'd rather stubbornly hide behind their own fears and refuse to move forward. I can understand Tradition. But I don't accept bigotry for the sake of, "Well I don't think it's right so I'm gunna push my views down your throat" Seriously? What about humility and acceptance? Just because You, Yourself don't feel comfortable with someone else's decision, doesn't give You the Right to Tell Them, that They Are Wrong.

To Each Their Own, ya know?

I'm gunna step away from this subject (which branches off into so many different facets of our society) because I can go on for hours. There just isn't enough insta-coffee of doom or braincells for such a blog lol

And on that magical note of goodness, I shall bid muh luvlies anon and ingest more caffeine goodness ^_^

*huggles'n'waves*

-Adieu

Yay Two Blogs in One!

[Started March 26th 2013 at 11:30am]

-By The Power Of 3-

It's amazing to notice strange patterns happening in my life and to those I'm connected to. Yes, there has been hardships...there has been great Loss. But deep inside the broken pieces of a shattered spirit, good things are blooming within the ruins... Spring has truly taken over the soul and is encouraging new growth. And I am in awe of what I see happening all around me.

"Ever Mind The Rule Of Three"

Those simple words keep replaying in my mind as my fingers dance along the black keys of this keyboard.

The Number 3 has always been apart of my life. In Numerology, it is my Life Path Number.

"People with a Life Path number 3 have a very high level of creativity and self expression. This abundance of creative energy, and the ease with which they are able to communicate in all areas, both written word and verbal, could lead them to become a poet, actor, writer, artist or musician. In fact many writers, radio broadcasters, actors, singers, performers, and counselors share this life path number." [-Continue Reading Here-]

Sounds about right, huh? *chuckles* If you're ever curious, Numerology is pretty fascinating.

Now, back to the whole 'seeing patterns'... Things have been falling into place, more so than they ever have, and I'm merely being swept along with waves as they carry me forward. And this time, I'm not fighting the current. 

Yesterday, after the DEATH BEE -of Evil- incident *giggles* I was finally able to do the 1st thing on my list; buy tickets for a trip this summer. Than, quite unexpectedly, I got a call concerning that Possible Job Opportunity. And if things go well, this may end up being my schedule. Sure, it's part time, but I am Thankful to finally be able to work again and make my own income ^_^ So that's the 2nd thing on my list.

The 3rd, is working the Renaissance Faire as a Rabble Rouser for the Joust. All I have left to do this coming Saturday, is have my Garb Approved, my Card signed and I'm set!

I'm honestly still in a state of...

*giggles as Keanu's voice fills her head*

The strangest part, is that I Knew this would happen. I remember thinking about it back in early February. I could see a path ahead of me that looked promising, and said to myself, "I could definitely work Faire this Year, as long as I can Get a Job to support myself and help my Dad, and that way I'll stay busy before this Summer."

I considered it, began carefully planning it out, verbalized it...and the next thing I know, it literally started Happening. And it wasn't just a fanciful 'what if' or 'that would be nice, but'. It was something I wanted. And instead of making excuses, fearful of failure, I decided to just go with it.

This is all very weird, even to me. (And I'm pretty damned weird lol) but I Did Ask For This. I especially wanted to gain the means to afford taking my GED test. That's the something I really want to finish before this year is over. And once that's done, I will look into going to college for a Bachelors Degree.

I honestly didn't want to be stagnant anymore; feeling as though I'm nothing more than a shadow against the wall, watching as the world continued to spin all around me. I don't want to let anxiety induced fears, dictate my life. They're only hindering my ability to finally stand on my own. And I refuse to be a victim of self doubt.

-*-*-*-*-

[New Post O Doom! March 27th 2013 at 11:17am]

See this Artwork O Doom? Ya... I wanna do this... Just hide in a Big Ole Cup of Coffee Goodness...

Thankfully, the random stabs of Pain hitting my midsection were only a warning of the 'Screaming Eagle' that was circling overhead and was only a matter of time before it decided to Crash Land in an agonizing fashion.

No, instead it waited until after I'd Finally passed out at 5am (I was distracted by cramps O doom and Girl Interrupted)...only to wake me up at 10:21am, feeling as though Xeno's and Predators were having themselves a drunken brawl for shits'n'giggles.

Seriously, this is what it looks like inside my Uterus...Right this very moment... O.o

*chuckles'n'shakes her head* Oi...

Go figure it would Hit smack Dab on the Full Moon. I'm surprised I haven't shifted into some kind of hell beast already (physically, anyway...:P)

Well muh lovelies, I must bid thee anon for now and shall return with more magical rambling shenanigans when I have a few more cups of coffee ^_^

-Adieu

DEATH BEE of Evil!!

As I was running errands of doom earlier today... I was assaulted by two different types of flying...thingys.

The first was a Wasp; she tried to fly into my car while I was attempting to Safely pull out of a Gas Station and onto the road. That damned flying thingy was hellbent on trying to Get In through my open window. I had to gracefully maneuver my Boat of a car while forcing myself NOT to flail like a maniac and Hit the stopped car a few feet ahead of me at a red light.

Luckily, the Wasp didn't have the best coordination and finally flew away. 

But Oh No... There was something much more Sinister waiting all fuzzy and evil like for me down the road... (Literally, because I had another light to pass before I got to my destination)

*cue spooky music*

'Ahem'

So... As I pulled into an iddy biddy compact parking space in front of my bank, I had Just put Ellie in park, set the E break and was about to shut her off when a BEE buzzed In Through My Friggin' Window. 

A BEE! 

I blanched and couldn't really go anywhere when the DEATH BEE literally Stopped and HOVERED five Inches from my face. It HOVERED there...Staring at me! And it was FUZZY!

I didn't flail or move, I just sat back and said, "Oh, you're just a bee." And after a moment of having a friggin' staring contest with a DEATH BEE, she buzzed to my right and landed on the left hand corner of the passenger's sun-visor. 

Dumbfounded, I just kinda sat there and stared at this fluffy DEATH BEE of Evil and was just starting to unbuckle my seat-belt when she flew off the sun-visor and disappeared by my legs.

Not gunna lie, I JUMPED out of my car and flailed appropriately in front of a few very perturbed onlookers.

And the Whole time...This actually ran through my head XD

Here's the Weird part (Ya, like a Staring contest with a Friggin' DEATH BEE of Evil isn't weird enough)...

I didn't see her exit my car. I have absolutely No Idea Where that DEATH BEE of Evil went! (Dun DunDUN!) I even drove all the way home...and she was just...Gone.

O.o

And as I drove home, Lory's Laugh actually filled my head as if she were In The Car With Me. I blinked and exclaimed, "Dammit Lory, you little Shit! Not Funny!" And fell into a fit of Laughter. XD Why? Because it's definitely something Lory would do!

So That DEATH BEE...of Evil... Was just Lory, saying Hi to me in the most Random Way Possible lol

I'm just glad she waited for me to be safely Parked First before pulling that stunt with a Friggin' BEE! 

*giggles'n'shakes her head*

-Adieu

Crazy Kittehs and Strange Coincidences

Gotta love Early wake up calls of the fuzzy kind... *grumbles*

One of my Feline Children, (Pez, the 11 year old Tabby from Hell) proceeded to scratch and head bump my bedroom door at 6:30-ish this morning, which not only woke me up, but got my bladder to go, "Potty Time!" Disgruntled, I rose from my bed and shuffled toward my door...where Pez was Still scratching and Head Bumping (because he's an asshole) and when I finally entered the hallway, I let out a deep chested snarling growl and watched as that furry lil bastard scampered off all happy like. Growling, I made a sharp right into the bathroom and went through the morning ritual O doom, than reemerged so I could thriller walk my way to the kitchen.

Though suffering a zombuh-like state, I was aware of the furry creatures circling my feet like mini land sharks. Gir was just following me around in his usual polite way, but the Pez Creature was meowing in that whining pitch that made me want to drop kick him out of the kitchen. (Not recommended lol)

Seeing that their dry food was low, I gave them a lil more and thought that would appease the fuzzy lil shit, but oh no... That wasn't enough for his royal pain-in-the-ass... He continued pestering me, and I continued growling like an irritated Lion (Gotta record that one of these days; my voice drops several octaves when I'm tired and my Growl is as Low if not Lower than Riddick's lol) and when I finally retrieved my cup-o-instant doom, I shuffled back to the computer o doom to sit and wake up, when I heard a loud THUMP in the kitchen , followed by Pez Hissing, than began having a so-called 'Asthma Attack' (He actually fakes it sometimes to get his way... Evil little shit doesn't even Begin to describe it lol) and I knew it wasn't genuine, he was trying to get my attention.

He got it alright... I come into the kitchen just as Gir latched onto Pez like the giant Facehugger from Prometheus and literally Threw Pez onto the ground XD I had to distract Gir so Pez could run off (The asthma attack magically went away...he was faking it lol) and I had to get Gir to go into their large cat carrier for a time out. Usually he knows what 'Box' means, but he was so focused on going after Pez, I had to pick him up and put him in front of it for him to finally get it.

After a few minutes in the 'Box' (Time Out), I let him out. He knew I wasn't mad at him, I was just getting him to calm down. Gir went after Pez for waking me up so early and pissing me off. *chuckles'n'shakes her head* Muh boys crack me up...XD

Yay Coffee!! *snorts*

Saturday Faire-Workshops went really well. I was a little worried about finding a way to get a CPR-1st Aid certification (for my possible job o doom) because I read it would be slightly pricey. That, and I honestly had no idea where to look lol With that on my mind, I was also a little worried that due to not having enough funds, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to get a Proper Bodice in time for the last weekend of Build (Before Faire actually starts) so my Garb could be approved. So you can imagine, I was kinda stressed out.

Here's where the 'Universe' decided to step in again...

Found out the Night before Saturday, literally the Moment I vented my worries to my Dad about getting a Bodice in time and possibly not being able to work Faire... I receive a text from a Dear friend, offering for me to come over after workshops to get me fitted for a Bodice. Talk about timing, huh? One less thing to stress about. 

But now I had to worry about the CPR'n'1st Aid. (Wait for it, it gets weirder)

When I got to Workshops, All I had left to do, was get my picture taken for my New Pass. I then found out they were offering a CPR class later in the day (which was kinda strange considering the fact that was something I really needed and never thought Faire would offer), so I was really stoked.

While waiting to get the picture taken, I noticed it was getting closer to 1pm (Which is when the CPR class was about to start) slightly anxious, I got my picture taken, and Raced with my Faire Uncle to where the class was supposed to be. We were literally told to go four Different places (because no one really knew where it was) and thankfully, found others who were also going to take the course, and decided to hang with them. Finally, we were told where to go, and thinking we were late, we hurried over and wouldn't ya know? Our awesome instructor didn't show up til about ten minutes later.

It was a fun little course with allot of laughing because not only did he have a great sense of Humor, I had some Faire family there to tease me accordingly lol 

Yay I'm Certified! O.o lol

After Faire workshops O doom (And a lovely fresh sunburn due to not finding my sunscreen before hand) I left with my Faire Brother Chris to venture forth to his abode where his Lovely Lauren was waiting along with their lovely Friend/Roommate Lauren.

Not only did we have a blast hanging out (I'm also quite entertaining when I'm slightly delirious from too much sunlight and not enough sleep lol) there was lots of laughing and I met two new kittehs that are absolutely adorable ^_^ Lil Lauren (Awesome roomy o doom) did my measurements and created a Beautiful bodice for me that Actually fit! But here's the kicker; when she was finally finished, we got it on me, and it was a little tighter than we all expected. But than we found out why. Within a few hours, I had gained an inch and a Half everywhere due to water weight (The evil Period Doth approach). So I gotta wear it a few times during the week so I get used to it, and it starts to mold to me.

So how about that? The two things I was most stressed about... Literally fell into my lap the next day.

I guess the 'Verse really wants to keep me on the path I humbly asked to be on. It's really weird how all of this is actually falling into place. I think about what I want to do, I figure out how I need to do it, and when I need to get certain things done and I'm not sure how I'm going to do it...next thing I know, there it is. Standing in front of me going, "Hi!!" lol

*Rocks out to Michael Jackson's, "Thriller" that randomly starts playing from her song list* Irony knows no bounds XD

Well muh luvlies, I gotta chug this here coffee and get all clean, lotion up, lather myself in sunblock and get My Dad and Myself to H'n'R Block for that exciting Tax thing O doom. Than I bring him home, and run off to do a few more Errands and head home. I'll probably swing by my Favorite park again...but we'll see ;)

-Adieu

Riddick and Magical Insta-Coffee

Darkness envelops a quiet silhouette as delicate fingers dance along black keys. A doll like face trapped within the haunting glow of the monitor as focused eyes flicker from keyboard to screen.

It's good to see her writing again. Even if it ain't oscar worthy material, she's stuck to her word and is determined to see it through. I'm impressed. Not really all that surprised; always knew she had it in her. Glad to see her following through. Pushing past her inner road blocks, fighting through those self created demons... An old determination I haven't seen in quite some time.

I'm proud of her. And I know it ain't easy. Mourning never is. Especially those we find ourselves close to. Feeling them slip away... Heh... Starts to leave holes where your heart's supposed be. Except in my case, there's nuthin' left.

Of course, can't tell her that. She won't buy it. -Smirks- The thing is, I can't really argue with her. Because when she's around, I don't feel that emptiness trying to swallow me whole. She blocks the darkness... That place where I'm comfortably numb. She has the uncanny ability to light a fire under my ass... Always gettin' a rise outta me. Keepin' me alert with her amusing retorts. It's like verbal ping-pong every time we get into it. And no matter how long I've been out in the black... Enough time for my mind to slowly become consumed by the pain of my past... As soon as we reconnect, all of that poison washes away. Somehow, and I don't know how she does it... I almost feel Human again.

And that definitely says something.

-Grows a half smile- She knows I'm here; a watchful shadow against the wall as she types feverishly along that black keyboard. The only time she pauses is when the Microwave sounds its end, so she can go mix herself a cup of that sad excuse for coffee. But I get it, had to live off the stuff when living on a small ship for weeks on end. It ain't the real thing, but it gets the job done. And there she goes; fixed herself a fresh cup and went right back to writing.

She knows she's only got so much time before she's gotta chug that cup she just made and get her ass in the shower. Got another day at that Pre-Faire thing she loves so much. I'm glad she's going. There's definitely something special about that gig and the people involved. It's her own brand of therapy and she can use as much of that as she can right now.

Heh, kinda the same way she's affected me. My own personal medicine...

Damn I sound soft. -chuckles- Best remove myself now, she's startin' to get distracted. 

Teaser Screencap Courtesy of Sylvie AndCo

*  *  *  *

Guess seein' that new Teaser from the upcoming new 'Riddick' inspired my Shined-Eyed Muse to sneak in this morning while I was attempting to begin my blog. *chuckles'n'shakes her head*

I am workin' on this here cup of Instant Doom so I can make quick work of the shower and be dressed and ready to go by 7:30am. 

Apologies for the lack of a blog yesterday, I was a little out of sorts due to evil hormonal fluctuations running rampant through my system leaving me unable to do more than stay relatively calm by keeping myself distracted. Gotta love Mother Nature *smirks*. 

But the one thing that brought me up was seeing that Riddick Teaser. I have been waiting for so gorramed Long for Vin and David Twohy to get around to making another installment. And I'm not the only one.

Teaser Screencap Courtesy of Sylvie AndCo

*runs off at 6:40 and returns clean and dressed at 6:52* Woo, clean! *chuckles* And now I chug muh coffee goodness, eat a small cup of cereal and all will be well ^_^

*twitches*

And on that note muh lovelies, 'tis time to scamper off and become less of a zombuh O doom ^_^

-Adieu

"Dogs'n'Cats living together...Mass hysteria!"

(Gotta Love Memorable Quotes) :P

Exhaustion coils through the veins, weaving lines of sleep behind my eyes, calling my spirit back to the land of dreams... Beckoning me to close my eyes and fall back into the void within my mind.

But I refrain and drink my cup of instant coffee, hoping that the caffeine will push away the sleepiness and wake me up from within.

*grumbles and sips her coffee* I are a zombuh this mornin' XD 

*giggles* This picture makes me smile... It's adorkable XD

So...Yesterday went well, considering how discombobulated I was when I left. But I made it to the Interview o Doom and it was awesome and on my way home, I stopped off at my favorite park and spent time with some Incredibly adorable Geese :D

I don't know what it was about me they felt so drawn to, but the next thing I knew when I began walking toward them, they both came over, the larger of the two decided to walk right up to me and proceeded to Stand on my right foot and began nuzzling my leg. Geese don't do that, do they? 

I didn't run away from them (which may have been why they decided to be cuddle munkees lol) I just calmly stood there and knew that they wouldn't hurt me. They were just Very Talkative and curious. It was like hanging out with little Dinosaurs XD And looking into those beautiful Blue Eyes... I could see intelligence looking back at me. It took allot of restraint to not reach out and pet those soft looking feathers. I didn't want to scare him.

I was able to capture most of the first encounter on video, but what I didn't capture, was me showing them my rings and the bigger one decided to lean forward and gently nommed on my Blue Green Turquoise ring on the middle finger of my right hand. XD

They could've easily bit my fingers, my hands, even my face... But they didn't. There was absolutely No aggression with those two. They just Really liked me. *shrugs'n'chuckles* I loved the looks I was getting from on lookers... I'm sure I looked crazy lol

There were two women walking by as I was heading back to my car but stopped long enough to talk to my Two Cuddle Munkees again, and as they passed by I heard, "Oh my god look how calm they are!" I brought my eyes up and saw the two women staring at me with their jaws dropped. I smiled and gave a shrug and went back to talking softly to my feathered friends XD

I can only imagine how weird I must've looked to anyone who saw me. But you know what? I didn't really care. I was having too much fun interacting with my two little dinosaurs ^_^ Geese are fun to interact with. Sure, they can be noisy and a little intimidating, but they don't scare me. I'd actually really love to have a small group of them living on my property (the day I have my own space) and raise them with a couple of misfit dogs and cats. Maybe even get a Turkey and call him Brutus XD

Ya...I'm a dork *chuckles and finishes her first cup* One moment...needs me s'more caffeine goodness ^_^ *retrieves coffee o doom and sits back down* Yay, coffee! Err, Insta-coffee! *chuckles'n'shakes her head*

I don't know why I find so much Joy in spending time with Animals. It's really therapeutic for me and I feel a warmth and a sense of peace that I can't really put into words. I honestly feel amazing afterward. As though my Heart is a little lighter and I can breathe easier.

And it's always been like this. Whenever I can spend time with an Animal and don't have to worry about 'Human' interaction, I feel a sense of freedom. Or maybe, (for me anyway), I have a better understanding with Animals. I can communicate with them on a different level, and it's very simple compared to Humans. There are no hidden motives, no secret agendas. They either like You, or they don't and their moods are Much easier to read. It's all about Paying Attention. I'm hyper aware of Body Language, which has saved me more than a few times from getting attacked (Human and Animal alike).

Man am I rambling lol But to put it simply, Chief Dan George said it best;

I've always felt this way, and have taught myself to never truly Fear anything. I've practiced the art of Understanding; because there is Always a Reason for Everything. Whether it can being easily explained, or not, it's more of a 'Knowing'. 

If you can take a step back and let yourself Feel the world around you, allow yourself to Look through another's Eyes, you'll start to understand Why People or Animals React the way they that they do. You'll begin to See and Understand patterns in everything. From People and Animals, to Weather and Seasons. You'll notice the large effect the Moon cycle has not only with Nature and Animals, but with People too.

Everyone has the ability to See with more than just their eyes. We have all these amazing senses at our disposal and yet for so many, they're merely ignored or brushed aside.

*sighs* It honestly makes me sad at how completely out of tune so many people are when they have no idea of the gifts that lie patiently inside each and every one of them.

Because I would love to see them experience the Peace that comes when you've reached that inner knowing. When you've finally tapped into your natural Instinct. It feels like your world has expanded but everything is much simpler. You feel like you're apart of something much greater than yourself, and in truth you are. We're all made of the same Star Dust.

Oh boy... I sound like I'm reciting a Sales Pitch for some kind of new religion *laughs*

And all I'm talking about, is just opening yourself to the world around you. This isn't about Religion, this is about You and your Natural Instincts. Once you finally understand what I mean, you too, will breathe a little easier ;)

And on that magical note of weirdness...*giggles'n'shakes her head* I shall bid thee anon and try to ignore the random yelling a block over that's dancing on the breeze into my small abode. O.o

But, before I go... I have an Amazing Article about Amazing Interspecies Friendships that'll really warm your heart and get you thinking ;)

See these two beauties? Not very 'Predator and Prey' like behavior in this picture. Notice their body language. Look at their Facial Expressions. Trippy, no? And there's a Ton more friendships like this in This Article I found earlier. I think you'll really enjoy it ;)

-Adieu

Dark Dreams and the 1st Day of Spring

I woke up with my heart in my throat... 

Having been struggling to breathe in a life like dream as a wave of tears fell from my eyes and poured down onto my legs like warm rain. 

I knew I was in New York, Manhattan to be exact, and was in a flat of some kind with friends. An unknown male (who I knew was a friend of mine but couldn't really see) was teasing me and had grabbed me from behind, not to hurt me, but was going to tickle me. But I stammered and told him that wouldn't be such a good idea, due to the pain that would inflict due to a skin condition... 

There was a girl there, and she noticed he had paused and was curious as to why I'd stopped him, and in a sneer of a voice, announced, "No body fucking cares that you're broken..." as her words hit my ears I remember being slumped against him and looking at my ankles, pain swelling in my chest. "You're not going to get sympathy for being a freak, you're just feeling sorry for yourself."

When her voice faded into the tense air around us, I could sense the concern in his silence, it was becoming more palpable with every breath he took. I remember feeling defeated...and within that watchful quiet, tears began to pool along my lashes and stream down my face. Before I could stop myself, I watched as tears fell from my eyes like small sheets of rain; warm splashes against my legs as I struggled to bring my face up.

I remember finally getting to my feet and trying to get away... Even though it was a small flat, not allot of space, I needed to run, to escape.

And I startled myself awake, slightly panicked that I'd missed my alarm and started scrambling to find my phone. Once I got my motor functions down and my eyes adjusted to the darkness of my room, I found my phone and peered at it's screen. It was only 6:46am...a quarter 'til it would go off.

I decided to get up anyway, paid my morning homage to the porcelain god and went straight for the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. And even as I waited for the water to finish being cooked, the images of the dream seemed so real, especially the emotion...like a memory I just couldn't place. A memory I want to forget.

And even now, as I'm nearing my second cup of caffeine, the dream dances behind my eyes. Emotions lingering like a bad taste in my mouth. I want to wash it away and let it fade into the white noise of my mind so I can focus on my Day and the Interview I have at 10am.

*shakes her head and finishes off her first cup of coffee* Helluva way to wake up to the Spring Equinox. *smirks and proceeds to get another cup of caffeine* Not really sure why I had that quasi-nightmare, but I do know that a few tears did escape my attention last night when I was trying to mellow out about things I'd been stressing over. Tears that needed release when I thought of my Friend/Sister Lory and my Mom's Friend Karen, who had been like an Aunt to me. Just a few danced along my lash-line and trickled along my cheeks.

One sec, water's ready *shuffles off for another cup* And back... Random question, you ever notice how the top layer of your coffee tends to look like a Galaxy after you've put milk and sugar and stirred it? It's fascinating to watch the swirls... *chuckles* Ya, definitely half asleep.

It's 8:05am currently and I need to get my ass in the shower at 8:30 and be out of the house and over at my friend's place at 9:00am so I can pick up the copies of my revised Resume he was awesome enough to print out for me last night because I don't own a printer. Than off I drive, hopefully making an early appearance to where I need to be.

I think it'll go well. It's less about being anxious now, and more about just getting it over with. I'm honestly That tired. *chuckles and sips coffee* I just want to get it done and maybe stop by my favorite park, maybe take some bread, and film myself hanging out with the Squirrels, Geese and Duckies that live there. If they're friendly with me when I don't have any food and they know it, I can only Imagine how they'll react when I'm hand feeding them. I may end up covered in Squirrels! *laughs*

We'll see what happens. *grumbles in a sleepy manner and takes another drink of her hot caffeine o doom* Man I miss Real coffee. Sure, this stuff ain't half bad, it gets the job done... But it's just not the same. 

Eh, it is what it is. Might as well make the best of it :)

It's either insta-coffee or none at all... And if that happens, well...

 

Not very pretty, is it? *giggles'n'shakes her head* 

And on that lovely Visual... I shall bid thee Anon, and I'll be sure to update my luvlies later today when I return ^_^

-Adieu

When In Doubt, Just Go With The Flow

Good Morrow muh luvlies ^_^ I would've created a blog this morning but I was too excited and distracted by the thought of Vin Diesel going Live when his likes on Facebook hit 40 million. But he came on and updated that he'll make it for 7pm Pacific time, so I have a few minutes before that happens. (I've been a long time Fan of him and his Page, and when he has a Live, it's more like hanging out with old friends because he takes the time to talk and interact with us)

Let's see...what else. Got allot of stuff goin' on... Good things, but I feel a little discombobulated. 

This is what the Inside of my Brain Looks Like lol

Remember that Good Opportunity I mentioned? I got a call yesterday and now have a Job Interview tomorrow at 10am. (Fingers crossed) I could Definitely use a productive change ^_^ Not sure how it's going to pan out, but I'll be sure to keep you posted. I'm trying to stay laid back about it, stopping myself from getting anxious or having too many expectations. Because if I get too hopeful, it won't happen. And it's not so much that I'm really excited about getting back on my feet again, I really need a steady income, because it's not just myself I need to worry about. No matter how much my Father tells me I don't owe him anything, I am determined to help him out in any way that I can. And he can't argue with me if I have the money to do so :P

I'm a little nerve-wracked about working Faire too. Sure, I got the three classes done (that were required) but I still gotta plan on a new bodice, shoes and putting my garb together so I can get it approved. Can't stress over it, one step at a time.

I still haven't cried over unexpectedly losing another loved one to Cancer on the 13th, (I found out the next day) which was only a Month and Two days of losing someone to Cancer as well. *takes a calming breath* I'm trying to keep my chin up, eyes forward and focus on the future... But apart of me feels trapped inside a tunnel of white noise.

But on the positive side of all of this, I'm no longer stagnant. I'll be kept busy. Interview tomorrow, possible CPR and 1st aid certification for said job, Pre-Faire on Saturday and on Sunday, seeing my Aunt and Cousin. And let's not forget, working on a Daily blog and finishing studying my Huge GED book, taking several of it's practice tests before taking the Real Thing.

If I happen to start working (I'm hoping for 8 hours a day, Monday-Friday) My week will be filled up, not to mention my Weekends will be spent Volunteering at Faire. If this all happens before the end of this month, I will be Busy Every Day between April until the End of May. 

It's gunna be Nuts! *grins* Eh, why not? I no longer wanted to allow time to just slip by...so I asked the Great Spirit to help me start over and keep me busy. 

Talk about one hell of an answer, huh? *giggles'n'shakes her head*

I honestly didn't expect any of this to happen. I was ready for a change, but I had no idea where to start. Instead of hiding away like I'd wanted to, when asked if I wanted to go to the first Friends Of Faire meeting, I decided, 'Why Not?' And because I went, not only was I able renew my FOF membership for Faire, I was asked if I wanted to work this year. I decided to actually think about it...and that was back in February. I didn't shy away or put it off, I just went with the flow without any real plan and it seems to be working out. Same thing with the Job Opportunity. I decided, 'Ah hell...why not? Definitely something I'd be naturally good at and if I don't get a call back, it's cool' and the next thing I know... I have an Interview.

I could've let myself focus on all the possible negatives that may present themselves, a way of bracing myself for more upheavals. But than I stopped myself and thought about it... If I focus on the Negatives, I'll empower them and they Will manifest in the way I fear. If I simply take a step back and reevaluate my thoughts and allow myself to be Positive, than I won't be setting myself up to Fail, stopping that nasty little voice in the back of my mind from chiming, 'See? Nothing ever good happens!' Heh, ya... No, not gunna happen. I've been actively changing my brain's attitude about things. Ditching old, emotionally destructive behaviors that do me little good and learning new, self motivating ones that will help me in the long run.

Life is too precious and short to remain hung up on negativity. Gotta make Each Day Count. I don't want to look back and go, "Oh I wish I had done this...or if only I had said that... I could've been..." You know where I'm goin' with this.

I want to truly start Living. I never truly understood that Truth until I'd lost so many loved ones in an incredibly short time period. Over 17 Souls since 2009. Most of which I still have not, properly mourned or grieved over. I know it'll eventually come to a boiling point and I'll cry myself to sleep... But right now, too much to do to stop and fall apart. And it's not a stubborn thing, I just can't. I think about it, and I feel a little numb. Guess it's just my brain's way of protecting me until I feel safe enough that I can.

Or I'm just seriously weird lol

Well my luvlies, I believe it's time to bid thee anon and see how tonight pans out... So much to do, so little time...

-Adieu